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Thursday, January 24, 2013

If You Were Wondering Whether the $10 Chocolate Bars at Stumptown, Which Were Hand-Crafted by Brooklyn "Artisans" to Openly Mock My Poverty, Are Worth the Price...

Posted by on Thu, Jan 24, 2013 at 3:37 PM

...The answer is no. No they are not.

  • The Stranger


Comments (25) RSS

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Will in Seattle 1
Better to get a Congo Bar made by Theo's Chocolate at SIFF Uptown instead.

There's even a $3 special on Theo's Chocolate right now. Made in America. In Seattle. Fair Trade. Organic. No bunnies were harmed in the manufacture. Also bike friendly.
Posted by Will in Seattle on January 24, 2013 at 3:43 PM · Report this
heywhatsit!? 2
Not that I'd ever spend $10 on a chocolate bar from Brooklyn but thanks for the tip.
Posted by heywhatsit!? on January 24, 2013 at 3:45 PM · Report this
jnmend 3
Then what the fuck is all of that brown shit covering every street in New York?!

...oh... oh no. oh god. oh... oh god...
Posted by jnmend on January 24, 2013 at 4:01 PM · Report this
I love chocolate and I love Brooklyn but I wouldn't pay $10 for a chocolate bar, ESPECIALLY when you live in Seattle where Theo bars are made! I live in upstate NY and buy Theo bars from the local food co-ops (where they cost under $4, but close to $4).
Posted by xina on January 24, 2013 at 4:10 PM · Report this
Putting salt in chocolate is just wrong
Posted by jeffy on January 24, 2013 at 4:20 PM · Report this
At a certain price point, it don't matter.

Okay, I know Godiva is so over, but slurped up several of my stepmother's high priced chocolates recently and...

See's is better, and I'm still a fan of Milkyways.
Posted by judybrowni on January 24, 2013 at 4:49 PM · Report this
@6: That stuff is awful, and oppresses children worse than almost any other First World indulgence.

Sorry to be blunt, but really, chocolate should be a luxury. Mass-produced low-grade cacao is evil.
Posted by d.p. on January 24, 2013 at 4:59 PM · Report this
keshmeshi 8

Putting salt in chocolate is delicious.
Posted by keshmeshi on January 24, 2013 at 5:07 PM · Report this
Fnarf 9
Putting salt in chocolate is the only true path to god. Or only chocolate path, at any rate; there are any number of hard liquors that get you there as well.

The best I've ever had is the "Salty Dog" bar from B.T. McElrath in Minneapolis, but they're too damned expensive; $6 at PCC. I make do with Theo.
Posted by Fnarf on January 24, 2013 at 5:14 PM · Report this
Yes! A shout-out to B. T. McElrath! Incredible chocolate if your parents are buying it for your stocking stuffers.
Posted by STJA on January 24, 2013 at 5:26 PM · Report this
Simone 11
I just don't understand salt on chocolate.
Posted by Simone on January 24, 2013 at 5:28 PM · Report this
ScienceNerd 12
I like fries dipped in chocolate ice cream.

Also, theo's is very good and amusingly named. (Although I'm partial to chocolates from Belgium.)
Posted by ScienceNerd on January 24, 2013 at 5:59 PM · Report this
leek 13
Ooh, I like the other B.T. McElrath one, with the toffee chips. Hairy Dog? Rabid Dog? Whatever.
Posted by leek on January 24, 2013 at 6:11 PM · Report this
leek 14
Prairie Dog!!
Posted by leek on January 24, 2013 at 6:14 PM · Report this
seatackled 15

I'm with you. Salt belongs in sauerkraut.
Posted by seatackled on January 24, 2013 at 7:02 PM · Report this
heywhatsit!? 16
Add caramel and you'll understand.
Posted by heywhatsit!? on January 24, 2013 at 7:19 PM · Report this
Supreme Ruler Of The Universe 17
I bought a box of 36 Hersey bars for $27 at the Cash 'N Carry, gave a few away at Halloween and have been munching them down every since. Hersey's are made with real sugar, not corn syrup. It is all I need to know.
Posted by Supreme Ruler Of The Universe on January 24, 2013 at 10:19 PM · Report this
raku 18
Stumptown is becoming a parody chain store of what people in the suburbs think an indie coffee shop is like.
Posted by raku on January 24, 2013 at 10:20 PM · Report this
emor 19

Of course, Bailo. Of course.
Posted by emor on January 24, 2013 at 10:35 PM · Report this
Simone 20
@16, I have tried salted caramel chocolate and I still don't get it. I'll let those who like it buy it.
Posted by Simone on January 24, 2013 at 10:37 PM · Report this
Stumptown is now corporate owned. Recently bought by some big beverage conglomerate. And real poverty means not being able to afford chocolate bars or cafes in general.
Posted by randomitis on January 24, 2013 at 11:01 PM · Report this
mr. herriman 22
buying organic is really important. read up on the child slavery. do not buy any chocolate with roots in the Ivory Coast. It is hands-down the worst for slavery and abuse.
Posted by mr. herriman on January 25, 2013 at 1:43 AM · Report this
Big Sven 23
Theo Jane Goodall. In milk or dark chocolate.
Posted by Big Sven on January 25, 2013 at 6:03 AM · Report this
Matt from Denver 24
It has to be the right salt. Most salted chocolate properly uses sea salt, whose additional flavor compounds are the key. They aren't using Morton's or some kind of kosher salt on these chocolates.

That said, "artisan" chocolate is quickly becoming the same kind of overpriced, overproduced fad that craft beer became. Too many second rate producers flooding the market with too-expensive product that doesn't stand out in any way.

Theo is good, but you guys are just up the road from Portland, where Moonstruck chocolate is made. Now, THERE is a chocolatier whose product is worth the price.
Posted by Matt from Denver on January 25, 2013 at 6:24 AM · Report this
@24: Moonstruck chocolate is irredeemably dull, a perfect illustration of precisely what you deride in your second paragraph.

The hands-down best chocolate I've had from Portland is an upstart by the name of Woodblock:
Posted by d.p. on January 28, 2013 at 2:44 PM · Report this

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