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Tuesday, January 22, 2013

SL Letter of the Day: What Do I Say to My Ex-Straight/Ex-Gay/Ex-Straight/Ex-Gay Brother?

Posted by on Tue, Jan 22, 2013 at 3:51 PM

Here's my problem: My brother, who is 40, first came out to me and our family in the late 90's. Since then he has had a mental breakdown and was diagnosed with OCD, depression, ADHD, etc. He then found Christ and became an evangelical Christian which led him to seminary as well as going back in the closet and declaring himself heterosexual. Eventually he left the seminary because he realized he was in fact homosexual. I was proud of him and supported his decision in every way. He enrolled into the state college to finish his degree and was seeking out a more tolerant church to belong to. He moved into an apartment with another gay man and took trips to San Francisco. Then he started hanging out with his evangelical friends again, and lo and behold he's straight again.

I'm tired of his nonsense, Dan, and extremely worried he will end up back in the hospital. He is extremely confused. I know he is gay. He has never had a girlfriend, or any type of relationship, for that matter. He has struggled with his sexuality his whole life and his choice of religion has done nothing but confuse him further. I am writing you seeking ANY advice on what to do about this. I have had many talks with my family, with him, and nothing seems to do the trick. He does not listen to his family, only those outside who seem to encourage him in negative ways.

He just sent me a letter in an attempt to explain to me what is going on. Can you read it, please? And then give me some advice on how to respond to it? Thanks.

Brother Reverts On Sexuality

The letter BROS got from his brother—and my advice for BROS—after the jump.


Here's the letter BROS's brother sent him:

The purpose of this email is to tell you that I have begun dating someone. It's a she. Her name is XXXXXX. I have been friends with her for about a year and a half. She's a beautiful and extraordinarily talented girl. She was valedictorian at XXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXX. I really love her a lot. I've been on three dates with her so far, but this has been developing for awhile.

I know the question you must be asking. The answer: no, I am no longer “gay.” I no longer identify as a homosexual. I have overcome the psychological issues and damage done by difficult circumstances and past trauma which directly led to my homosexual inclinations. I no longer have any physical or emotional desire to pursue a sexual relationship with another man. I have every desire and intention to have a relationship with a woman, and am so grateful that I found an incredible and brillant woman to share this time, and hopefully, life with.

You may be shocked and may not believe what has happened. I'd ask you to yield to and trust your brother's story and not side with the lies and distortions perpetrated by the media and homosexual activists regarding the ability to overcome homosexuality. I never thought what I believed to be my “orientation” could ever be undone. I'm grateful to be one among thousands who have received healing and restoration.

I did not intend to get into a relationship so soon. It just happened. Very excited about the future.—XXXXXX

Your brother is a mess, BROS, but you didn't need me to tell you that.

He was out, he was in, he was out, and now he's back in. It sounds like your brother has real problems—OCD, depression, ADHD—but I don't think the closet is one of them. Your brother loves the closet, BROS, because the closet is useful to him. He wants drama and attention and jumping in and out of the closet gets him truckloads of both. When he comes out, his family is relieved and his evangelical friends freak out; when he goes back in, his evangelical friends are relieved and his family freaks out.

And he makes it quite clear in his letter that he expects you to freak out, BROS. While he asks you to "yield to and trust" in his completely bullshit story, BROS, he desperately wants you to do the opposite: he wants you to freak out, he wants to confront him, he wants you to send him links to the juicy Truth Wins Out expose of the "ex-gay" superstar and boy-chasing fraud John Paulk and links to the recent news stories about Alan Chambers, the head of Exodus International, who recently admitted that there is "no cure for homosexuality" and that the "reparative therapy" programs pimped by religious groups like his are completely useless. He wants you to bring up his gay roommate and all those trips to SF and he wants you to having screaming arguments with him about the causes of homosexuality and he wants you to tell him that three dates with a vagina-havin' valedictorian does not a pussy-eating straight guy make so he can hang up on you in anger and there can be tears and drama and rifts.

But if you talk your brother into coming back out the closet, BROS, a year or two from now he'll jump right back in and you'll get another letter just like this one. Blather, mince, repeat.

Don't take his tired, old bait, BROS. Here's how you should respond to your brother's letter: "Sounds good, bro."

And that's how you should respond to any letter he sends you in the future. Engaged? "Sounds good, bro." Wedding invite? "Sounds good, bro." Birth of a child? "Sounds good, bro." Leaving his wife and coming back out of the closet again?

"Sounds good, bro."


Comments (78) RSS

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Posted by charity35645 on January 25, 2013 at 6:01 PM · Report this
Puty 76
Ultimately there's only so much you can do for someone whose mental illness makes them a total asshole. All you can do with him is mourn him and move on (and for your own mental health, find an excuse to avoid any farcical weddings you get invited to--lie like a rug if you have to but don't go).

One thing that might make you feel better: get involved in the fight for same-sex rights. Your brother's story is an example of how evangelical delusions cause harm--to you, to your brother, to that poor fuck-up woman he's dating. You can't save your brother but you CAN work to change the world that enables his sickness. Good luck.
Posted by Puty on January 25, 2013 at 7:15 AM · Report this
lolorhone 75
At this point in history, enough already. Asshole parents can have panic attacks about their children's sexuality. Dependent queer youth can have existential crises about their own sexuality, especially if they're attached to asshole parents. Adults acknowledge that life is unfair and then SUCK IT THE FUCK UP and live their lives proudly.
Posted by lolorhone on January 24, 2013 at 8:51 PM · Report this
The letter is an obvious cry for attention from a hurt individual who is seeking validation or approval for his actions. Someone who is constantly self-hurting, looking for acceptance from others, and seeks conflict to validate their choices doesn't have an self inside that is solid. He is seeking the Self, but continues to seek external to his form and that will continue to roil into a cycle of more and more self-hatred until he decides for himself that he has suffered enough and is done with it. This might be on his death bed, but it will happen, so the advice here is pretty spot on. Be there for your brother BROS, but don't let yourself get entangled in his own personal samsāra.
Posted by Shaman on January 24, 2013 at 9:50 AM · Report this
I came here to post the Mr. Show sketch and was very happy to see it was already here. And here it is again… because it's amazing.
Posted by karamzov on January 23, 2013 at 5:54 PM · Report this
milemarker 72
The alleged girlfriend is in for misery. I agree with Dan, but maybe the LR could slip the chick a few wise words about getting entangled with a screwed up head.
Posted by milemarker on January 23, 2013 at 4:03 PM · Report this
@69 There is a vast spectrum, along with the three standard subtypes for that diagnosis. For example, since you aren't dead, you probably aren't someone with bipolar who when manic thinks he can fly. Also, context. He might be more prone to the attraction of culty/religious types than you, and during periods of mania/depression/normalcy wakes up from it a bit, which would explain the seeming silliness of this behavior pattern. Some people are slow cyclers. Regardless of diagnosis, you can surely see the attraction of conservative religion to someone in deep emotional pain, esp re: their sexuality, no? Grown adults sign up for reeducation camps. Gotta be a reason.
Posted by gnot on January 23, 2013 at 3:59 PM · Report this
I was worried about BRO's girlfriend. Then I realized she's probably his "Canadian girlfriend".
Posted by EclecticEel on January 23, 2013 at 12:38 PM · Report this
Hawke 69
@42, having bipolar disorder did not make me install a revolving door in my closet.
Posted by Hawke on January 23, 2013 at 12:16 PM · Report this
This poor woman. I wonder if she knows BRO thinks they are in a relationship -- the kind of relationship you write home about -- after just three dates.

To me, a few dates does not a relationship make.
Posted by SunshineandPuppies on January 23, 2013 at 11:16 AM · Report this
Alanmt 67
This guy sounds like that train wreck of a woman from Vermont who after years of abusive relationships had finally entered the first loving affirming relationship of her life when her new church convinced her to be straight again. Pathetic and needy and weak.

LW, I am sorry this guy is your brother. If you have any other young and impressionable gay relatives, please keep them away from this train wreck of a life. Maybe someday, with extensive therapy, he will find a place of equilibrium and realize his problems have nothiing to do with his sexuality. Until then, love him on the inside and be indifferent on the outside.
Posted by Alanmt on January 23, 2013 at 9:28 AM · Report this
@65, bisexual in a way which denies that he might ever be attracted to guys again? That's not bisexual, that's trouble.
Posted by EricaP on January 23, 2013 at 9:27 AM · Report this
RTam 65
I'm with @3 Thexalon, does no one want to consider that the man is bi? Seems to me that the only people that think you CAN change your orientation are the ones that are naturally attracted to both genders. Perhaps this guy is always going back and forth because he finds himself attracted to different genders at different times.

Or maybe not, maybe he's just a drama queen with mental health issues, but folks, bi-sexuality is real. We need to acknowledge it as a possibility in these cases.
Posted by RTam on January 23, 2013 at 8:39 AM · Report this
singing cynic 64
DAMN @51, I was literally just about to post that.
Posted by singing cynic on January 23, 2013 at 6:31 AM · Report this
Alanmt 63
Unfortunately, LW can't even show his bro Dan's brilliant response because it will feed into bro's drama queen lusts.

Posted by Alanmt on January 23, 2013 at 6:30 AM · Report this
mtnlion 62
@51, I haven't even clicked it, but it's David Cross and all his relapses into homosinuality right? God I fucking love Mr. Show.
Posted by mtnlion on January 23, 2013 at 5:46 AM · Report this
sheiler 61
@20 for the win, people.
Posted by sheiler on January 23, 2013 at 3:58 AM · Report this
I Fucked Your Dad 60
Sell your brother into slavery and forget about him. He's a fucking mess and a total waste of your time.
Posted by I Fucked Your Dad on January 23, 2013 at 2:26 AM · Report this
@gromm bipolar doesn't mean what you think it means and it certainly doesn't mean "completely insane."
Posted by Endash on January 23, 2013 at 1:35 AM · Report this
Train wreck looking for a venue....
Posted by JJinAus on January 23, 2013 at 12:23 AM · Report this
@21: "lots of women like a "project". They think they can fix whatever is wrong with a defective boyfriend and make husband material out of him. "

They already said that these women were broken. Of course they exist! Broken people keeping other fucked-up people off the market since eternity.
Posted by they're not drawn to nice people anyway on January 22, 2013 at 11:47 PM · Report this
Seriously, the only thing you can do with drama queens and hatesoaks like these is to smile and nod and act like they're the boringest fuckers that ever lived.

People LOVE going born-again for the lovebombing and perceived "hate" from former friends that they can then feed back into their charismatic "new friends" as a bonding moment.
Posted by he should join mars hill on January 22, 2013 at 11:42 PM · Report this
nocutename 55
@32:Much better.
Posted by nocutename on January 22, 2013 at 11:39 PM · Report this
sirkowski 54
@53 Even better.
Posted by sirkowski on January 22, 2013 at 10:25 PM · Report this
Cool story, Bro!
Posted by chi_type on January 22, 2013 at 9:53 PM · Report this
scary tyler moore 52
were this my screwed-up sibling, i would say just what Harold says to Michael in "The Boys in The Band": "You're a sad and pathetic man. You're a homosexual and you don't want to be, but there's nothing you can do to change it. Not all the prayers to your god, not all the analysis you can buy in all the years you've go left to live. You may one day be able to know a heterosexual life if you want it desperately enough. If you pursue it with the fervor with which you annihilate. But you'll always be homosexual as well. Always Michael. Always. Until the day you die."

i love that play.
Posted by scary tyler moore on January 22, 2013 at 9:53 PM · Report this
theseamster 51
Let's see what Mr. Show had to say about this:…
Posted by theseamster on January 22, 2013 at 9:50 PM · Report this
OutInBumF 50
Cripes! This goes on with several lesbian acquaintances, but never with guys that I know. This guy keeps 'getting right with the Lord', and every time he does he's back listening to the xtianist crap that 'nobody is really gay- just deceived by Satan'.
So this is really a spiritual struggle- when he's gay, he feels evil and far from god. When he's walking with god, he couldn't possibly be gay, because nobody is truly gay- just deceived. My step-sister has been back and forth across this fence too many times to count- evil lesbian, or pious nothing, or worse yet- piously straight married. The latter hasn't worked either time she's tried it, so now she's just something, no one knows what. Sigh.
This GF of his is probably in the same xtian cult and believes he was just deceived when he was liking the boy-butt. She'll get burned the same way my wife did, and, as stated above- this should not be happening in this century.
Posted by OutInBumF on January 22, 2013 at 9:42 PM · Report this
What a hateful letter. Treat it with the silence it deserves. Why anyone would not long ago have faded gently out of the life of anyone capable of writing it is beyond me, brother or no brother.
Posted by vennominon on January 22, 2013 at 9:34 PM · Report this
mtnlion 48
Oh, and that's why Dan's advice is so spot on. Don't reward the disordered behavior and it may start to subside. But probably not. This guy will likely be unstable for his whole life.

Posted by mtnlion on January 22, 2013 at 9:12 PM · Report this
mtnlion 47
@36 & 42, My money's on a personality disorder. People who have several diagnoses usually just complain of lots of different symptoms because of the attention and drama it brings to them. Also, it's not really that odd for a patient to receive those three diagnoses (or any 3 diagnoses). It all depends on what they told which clinician on what day. The DSM has so much overlap that it can be hard to really hone in on what the primary problem is. Don't mistake me: he has a problem, but it's probably in Axis II, not I. "Mental breakdowns" are an excellent way for borderline/histrionic patients to get the reactions they seek. Nonetheless, it's possible an antipsychotic would help.

@45, Clinically speaking, the terms "depression" and "major depressive disorder" are used interchangeably. They should mean the same thing to a doctor or psych professional.
Posted by mtnlion on January 22, 2013 at 9:03 PM · Report this
If the guy is bipolar, none of this behavior is as surprising or his fault. Sure, drama queen, but legitimately ill drama queen. If you see this across his behavior, not just with the sexuality thing, you could suggest he explore this as a diagnosis.
Posted by gnot on January 22, 2013 at 8:59 PM · Report this
@36, if all the symptoms of the three disorders flared up at the same time (not unlikely, they all play into each other), then the guy could have lost his job/flunked out of college, isolated himself, let the hygiene go, and gotten to a pretty bad place. That can get someone a week or two in a psych ward. Also, BROS said 'depression', but the actual diagnosis could have been Major Depressive Disorder. There's also the possibility of psychotic features--which is rare but can happen with a major depressive episode.
Posted by clashfan on January 22, 2013 at 7:54 PM · Report this
Forget the ex-gay groups, there needs to be an ex-Christian group so gay people can learn to leave behind their harmful Evangelical lifestyle.
Posted by RobbC on January 22, 2013 at 7:49 PM · Report this
Canadian Nurse 43
@32: I think, if the relationship gets serious enough that they're planning marriage, the LW should just say, "It's so wonderful that you two have gotten through his confusion about his sexuality and come to this place together." That way, it's superficially supportive, but also gives her a heads up if she doesn't know.
Posted by Canadian Nurse on January 22, 2013 at 7:37 PM · Report this
When someone is diagnosed with ADHD, OCD and depression, has a mental breakdown and then finds Jesus, the whole shebang is a pretty good indicator that there is a more serious mental health issue masquerading as a bunch of less- serious disorders. I'm no expert, but I'm willing to bet there's a bipolar diagnosis in this guy's future.
Posted by JrzWrld on January 22, 2013 at 7:34 PM · Report this
Was the brother's email addressed "Dear brother" or "Dear internet"? If the former, how exactly is it OK to publish a highly personal letter for the whole world to see, Xs or no Xs?
Posted by zer on January 22, 2013 at 7:19 PM · Report this
My sister gave me similar advice when I went through something similar with a friend years ago: "Be there for her now, be there at the wedding, and be there for the divorce."
Posted by mitten on January 22, 2013 at 7:06 PM · Report this
@32: "But then again, she could be a closeted, self-hating and -denying lesbian herself" while this is pretty darn uncommon among mixed-orientation marriages, I'll grant you that ". . . extraordinarily talented girl. She was valedictorian. . . " describes 3/4s of the lesbians I dated while they were closet cases. All that energy not put into dating and romance gets directed into sports and academics.
Posted by DAVIDinKENAI on January 22, 2013 at 7:01 PM · Report this
Unconditional love and support? No. Unconditional indifference. I like it.
Posted by Keey on January 22, 2013 at 6:46 PM · Report this
Great answer, blather, mice, repeat is Classic Savage.

Oh, and sirkowski@ 22? As a morbidly obese male who expects no brownie points from the Lord or anyone else: Fuck You.
Posted by M. Wells on January 22, 2013 at 6:42 PM · Report this
OCD, depression, ADHD, "etc." -- unusual combination to say the least. Not impossible, but combined with a hospitalization sounds like suicidal or psychotic. You don't get hospitalized for ordinary depression, OCD, and ADHD, even all 3 at once.

If the brother is not faking mental illness, in addition to Dan's excellent "Sound's good, bro" advice, I'd add:

"And since you've had such a difficult time in the past before you got your shit together, how's that counseling going? Probably good idea to keep up with it."

That way if he kills himself BROS won't feel guilty about ignoring brother's obvious ongoing pain.
Posted by delta35 on January 22, 2013 at 6:36 PM · Report this
This is perfect advice. My brother dealt with the same cycle from a friend of his, except it was slightly less egregious since they're all college kids. I told him to tell the poor guy, "Are you happy with that? Great, awesome, I'm so glad we're keeping in touch" no matter what.

BROS can live in hope that his brother will get to a better place in life, but you can't really support or convince someone who goes to such extremes with such frequency. So, just be blandly positive, and find other common ground to talk about if possible.
Posted by planned barrenhood on January 22, 2013 at 6:33 PM · Report this
What jumps to my mind is that BROS is one of the few people who will be romantically off-limits to his brother no matter what sexual orientation he has or believes himself to have at any given moment. That has to help. I shudder to think what the brother would do with romantic friends.

Gay or not, BROS is a big fat drama queen. Only way to deal with it is to say, "I love you, bro. I don't want to hear about you struggling with your sexuality. How 'bout those Marlins?"
Posted by DRF on January 22, 2013 at 6:19 PM · Report this
Steal Mr. Hat and don't give him back until your brother admits that he's gay.
Posted by DisorganizedReligion on January 22, 2013 at 6:18 PM · Report this
nocutename 32
@22, 27, 28, 29: The thing is, if BROS tries to reason with--or warn--the girlfriend, he's playing into the brother's love of drama ("how *dare* you try to feed those disgusting lies to my beloved? You just don't want me to be happy, is that it? Why can you never let me live my own life" blah blah blah). It is a horrible shame that this woman might be naive and misled and have to deal with the consequences of yoking herself to the mess that BROS' brother is. But then again, she could be a closeted, self-hating and -denying lesbian herself, or she could not be thinking, three dates in, that this is her future husband.

And @22 (sirkowski): why make assumptions about her physical appearance. Unless you're trying to show her to be an inferior person by calling her "morbidly obese." In which case you're a jerk.
Posted by nocutename on January 22, 2013 at 6:06 PM · Report this
@13: Thanks. Fixed!
Posted by Dan Savage on January 22, 2013 at 6:05 PM · Report this
Knat 30
"Man, what a day. So many difficult circumstances. I can't wait to get home, lay on the couch, and unwind with a nice big dick." - No straight man ever, BROS' brother. Some gay, bisexual or even hetero-flexible men, sure. But not straight men.
Posted by Knat on January 22, 2013 at 5:56 PM · Report this
Yeah, I'm speaking as the daughter of a gay man married to a hoodwinked girl (who just grew up really, really naive and sheltered). Of course, that was 40-odd years ago. That scenario really shouldn't be happening in this century.
Posted by MLM on January 22, 2013 at 5:44 PM · Report this
sirkowski @22: yeah, I know one of those. She married him and they have a kid together, and the entire family is a simmering cesspool of resentment and misery. I feel terrible for that poor little girl.
Posted by Action Kate on January 22, 2013 at 5:38 PM · Report this
Dan nailed it in terms of the sibling-sibling relationship. They are not, however, the only people involved.

@9, 22, 23: The GF might be fake, might be an fundie idiot, or might be looking for a project. If so, fine, let the chips fall where they may regarding marriage.

But what if she's real, hoodwinked, and buying his current story line? Closet cases, while in closet mode, can go fast and furious for the altar and procreation. Then everyone is trapped in a asymmetric marriage that isn't good for her or for their kids.

So, LW: say (two months from now), "Bro, that's great. When do you see the GF next? Thursday? Where are you going? Cool. I'll stop by and say Hi! and then leave your guys for the rest of your date." Then if there really is a girl, a potential innocent victim of his charade, the LW can choose when/if to inform her of the huge dice she is rolling.

If someone is about to get run over by a truck and you can, at no risk to yourself, pull them aside, (or at least tell them that the truck is barreling towards them) - then that is the least you should do another person being set up for a really big fall.
Posted by DAVIDinKENAI on January 22, 2013 at 5:21 PM · Report this
I think that his brother's problems extend more to the "completely insane" than just his sexuality. He sounds incredibly bipolar, with bouts of "I'm going to be as gay as I can be and I'm going to San Francisco with my gayroomateandwe'regoingonamethbenderatthewhitepartyand..." along with bouts of "oh woe is me! I want out of it all!" at which point the Evangelicals see a mark.

But as Dan already pointed out, this guy is a mess. Is he a drama queen too? Maybe, but his advice to just say "Okay, sure, whatever" might be the only thing he can do anyway.
Posted by gromm on January 22, 2013 at 5:17 PM · Report this
" I'd ask you to yield to and trust your brother's story and not side with the lies and distortions perpetrated by the media and homosexual activists regarding the ability to overcome homosexuality."

I just did a massive eyeroll Mrs. Obama would be proud of.
Posted by arachnar on January 22, 2013 at 5:15 PM · Report this
Doctor Memory 24
It's a she.

If that's not the sound of true love, I don't know what is.
Posted by Doctor Memory on January 22, 2013 at 5:12 PM · Report this
Mattini 23
@9 If the girl actually exists, or if she's real - if she realizes that the three "dates" she's been on with this guy mean to him that they're in a relationship.
Posted by Mattini on January 22, 2013 at 5:05 PM · Report this
sirkowski 22
I bet his girlfriend is a morbidly obese born-again who thinks she's getting brownie points with the Lord for switching a homo.

Great advice, Dan. Don't feed the drama queen.
Posted by sirkowski on January 22, 2013 at 5:04 PM · Report this
@9: lots of women like a "project". They think they can fix whatever is wrong with a defective boyfriend and make husband material out of him.
Lots of other women know to stay the hell away from men like that. We don't know which kind of woman this new girlfriend is.
Posted by originalcinner on January 22, 2013 at 4:55 PM · Report this
seandr 20
Normally, I'd be the first to dismiss the idea that you can turn a gay man straight.

But in this case, the guy is dating a beautiful and extraordinarily talented woman. As if that isn't enough, she was the valedictorian at her university.

Let's face the facts, people - as powerful as sexual orientation may be, it's simply no match for a woman with those kind of credentials.
Posted by seandr on January 22, 2013 at 4:47 PM · Report this
Will in Seattle 19
Just let him live in the closet like all the other RINOs.

Eventually he'll be exposed.

Just not by his brother. Because that's never fun for anyone.
Posted by Will in Seattle on January 22, 2013 at 4:46 PM · Report this
Hahaha so awesome and so right! You made my day, Dan.
Posted by Steve Glen on January 22, 2013 at 4:45 PM · Report this
#13 FTW. Brilliant.
Posted by NotYourStrawMan on January 22, 2013 at 4:44 PM · Report this

You can check out any time that you like.

But you can never leave.

Right Danny?

The Incurable Disease?

Is that It?
Posted by Danny Can't Quit So Neither Can You on January 22, 2013 at 4:44 PM · Report this
debug 15
Love this answer.

Similar to my own discovery that you can derail a pointless argument with someone overly-opinionated by calmly saying "you're right". Best part is that they probably know you're insincere but there's nothing the blowhard can do about it.

They won, so what? You get to move on with your life.

Disclaimer, this only works so much with significant others before they catch on and start using it against you.
Posted by debug on January 22, 2013 at 4:40 PM · Report this
TheMisanthrope 14
OCD, depression, ADHD, and closeted/struggling with sexuality. Egads. "Sounds good, bro." is so much nicer than my version of "Yeah, OK...whatever." At this point, I'd be ignoring him. Poor sibling.
Posted by TheMisanthrope on January 22, 2013 at 4:40 PM · Report this
blip 13
I would have prefered "blather, mince, repeat." Besides that, everything = yes.
Posted by blip on January 22, 2013 at 4:40 PM · Report this
LogopolisMike 12
As I used to say in my youth, "fuckin' A!"

This is absolutely perfect advice for an absolutely shitty situation.

Posted by LogopolisMike on January 22, 2013 at 4:38 PM · Report this
"Mince, blather, repeat". Oh god, that is the best. Thank you for that one.
Posted by Suki Parrish on January 22, 2013 at 4:32 PM · Report this
Dear Brother,

Sounds like some anti-gay, reparative therapy assholes got their hands on you. I, unlike them, am not going to try to convince you that you are anything but what you say you are. I'm fine with however you choose to identify or how you live your life. I, unlike them, do not believe that either choice is fundamentally wrong, so there is no reason for me to try to talk you out of either.

My only advice is: a) do be true to yourself, don't let other people convince you that you are other than what you are, and b) try not to hurt the people you get in relationships with, while you figure this out for yourself.

-- Sibling who is fine with who you are, but tired of the relentless drama.
Posted by avast2006 on January 22, 2013 at 4:32 PM · Report this
I wonder if this lovely girl knows that the brother is a graduate of "ex-gay therapy". If she does, she's crazy, and she's getting what she (mostly) deserves, and if she doesn't, I feel really, really sorry for her.
Posted by MLM on January 22, 2013 at 4:26 PM · Report this
SiSiSodaPop in Vegas 8
Dan is awesome. That is all.
Posted by SiSiSodaPop in Vegas on January 22, 2013 at 4:25 PM · Report this
Granny Smith 7
Good advice. There is nothing that shuts down family drama faster than unconditional support. I only wish I had figured this out years ago.
Posted by Granny Smith on January 22, 2013 at 4:23 PM · Report this
"Mince, blather, repeat."

Made my day. ROFL
Posted by Doodah on January 22, 2013 at 4:21 PM · Report this
I would say gay people are just fine the way they are and any religion that says otherwise is baloney. Trauma has nothing to do with it.
Posted by cgd on January 22, 2013 at 4:12 PM · Report this
Sir Vic 4
If anyone can spot a drama queen, it's Dan.
Posted by Sir Vic on January 22, 2013 at 4:10 PM · Report this
Wild thought: Maybe the bro is bi, possibly towards the gay side of bi, but doesn't consider the concept because all he hears about is "good straight evangelical Christian" or "flaming gay guy".
Posted by Thexalon on January 22, 2013 at 4:07 PM · Report this
emma's bee 2
Excellent advice, as ever. This BROS's bro is a sad closet case. I feel bad for BROS having to pretend that this is all for real, though. Maybe a viewing of "Jesus Camp" would help? If Ted Haggard could well and truly come out (as bi, anyway), there must be hope for the most recalcitrant Xtian closet case.
Posted by emma's bee on January 22, 2013 at 4:03 PM · Report this
Your brother loves the closet, BROS, because the closet is useful to him. He wants drama and attention and jumping in and out of the closet gets him truckloads of both.
So spot on!
Posted by gloomy gus on January 22, 2013 at 4:00 PM · Report this

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