Slog tipper Shane writes in:

I have an acquaintance who has expressed doubts that the Newtown Massacre ever occurred. After I got done calling him a fucking idiot, he brought up the point that I had never met anyone involved in the massacre so I had no way of knowing if it actually happened and he pointed out discrepancies in the police reports. This person is extremely conservative, and I am not, so we have had our disagreements, but this one takes the cake. What should I say to him, besides telling him to go fuck himself?

Frustrated in the South Sound

Dear Shane,

Here is how you respond:

• Discrepancies in police reports involving a mass shooting with hundreds of witnesses, most of them under the age of nine? YOU DON'T SAY.

• You haven't talked to any of the people involved in the massacre? Me neither! BECAUSE THEY WERE MURDERED. (Also: Have you ever been to Australia? No? Then how can you be sure it exists? Does paper actually come from trees? Steak from cows? HOW FAR DOES OUR GOVERNMENT COVERUP GO???)

• And finally, why is it easier for you to believe that hundreds of children, teachers, neighbors, responding police officers, medics, and on-scene media colluded with the government to gin up a horrific school shooting than it is for you to believe that one mentally unstable person entered a school with assault weapons and brutally killed 26 people before shooting himself? Are you really that big of a fucking idiot?

Or, as Slog commenters point out, if you're ready to risk the brain hemorrhage that could result from honestly debating these batshit conspiracy theories with someone, is your new best friend.