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Wednesday, January 16, 2013

SL Letter of the Day: Forever On the Internet

Posted by on Wed, Jan 16, 2013 at 5:12 PM

Funny story. I was reading the column from a couple weeks ago ("An After-Christmas Miracle") and you posted a NSFW link at the end of the column for a product called the "ass-tunnel." So of course, I needed to see this.

Let me run you through the next couple minutes: "Oh, there's a video?!" Click. Hot. As a straight woman, I know I'm not alone in enjoying gay porn. And it was deliciously kinky D/s gay sex. But, wait... "Holy shit! I know that guy!" Not the "macho" top. The bottom. The one being peed in. Forever. On the internet. He was a good friend of mine in college.

And my reaction? Five years ago I would've been grossed out a little and immediately begun slut shaming him in my internal monologue. But now? Double hot. I closed the bedroom door and enjoyed the video some more!

So thanks for helping me to change that old internal monologue and kill some of those double standards. And thanks for inadvertently hammering home your message about staying away from putting porn online if it could possibly ruin your life. I'll be staying away from posting my own. The internet is a surprisingly small world.

I don't figure this is something you'll be sharing in the column but figured you'd get a kick out of it!

Not Safe For Me

Thanks for sharing, NSFM, and a bonus SLLOTD after the jump...


Apropos your recent advice on the "Savage Lovecast" the 19-year-old guy considering whether to appear in porn, this story is making the rounds today. Your advice was sound, though it’s a sad commentary on all of us that things are like this.

Porn Anally Stigmatizes Teacher's Situation

God, I hate it when the Nancy Graces of the world win. Americans consume porn by the gigaload but anyone who appears in porn is 1. condemned for appearing in porn and 2. condemned when they stop appearing in porn and attempt to go into some other line of work. Because porn is evil and it's bad and you shouldn't make porn—but once you've started making porn, well, you're not allowed to stop.

It's infuriating.

And it's why, despite my comfort with porn (I invited a porn star over for cookies and champagne on Christmas Day), I discourage people who are young and/or unsure of what they want to do when they grow up from making porn either professionally or for kicks. That goes quadruple for people who are, want to be, or could see themselves one day becoming teachers, like the 19-year-old student who called the podcast or the woman in the story you mentioned, PASTS.

And for the sake of your bottom friend who's getting peed in forever on the Internet, NSFM, I hope he's either working in a field where no one cares that he's getting peed in forever on the Internet or that his trust fund is just as big and fat as his cock.


Comments (28) RSS

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tainte 1
Posted by tainte on January 16, 2013 at 5:18 PM · Report this
I don't approve of pornography, but I see no reason why an ex-pornography actress would necessarily be an ineffective science teacher. The basis of this decision is false and therefore an insult to all who hear about it. If they want to fire her because they believe she's immoral then they should own up and say so rather than pretend that it's because of something else.

Student claims that the teacher was moonlighting as a porn star were initially dismissed after school officials said they couldn’t find any images of her on the Internet — but they were using the school’s computers, which don’t allow access to porn.

Good God, people this stupid are in charge of educating our kids?
Posted by DRF on January 16, 2013 at 5:21 PM · Report this
Actually he and his equally hot boyfriend both do porn (they did one smoking hot scene together in a real couples movie). They've modeled a number of items for Mr. S. In short, they're currently in the industry. I don't know if they have day jobs as well or that's their primary employment, but yes, it is a very small world, especially in San Francisco (I've met them briefly--very nice guys). What I love is when interesting photos of friends from 10-15 years ago pop back up in my tumblr feed.
Posted by usagi on January 16, 2013 at 5:29 PM · Report this
Fistique 4
It seems like the fellow from the first letter is still assuming that his friend the bottom['s life] is ruined by being in internet porn, so I'd say he and our culture still have a long way to go.
Posted by Fistique on January 16, 2013 at 5:42 PM · Report this
spamky 5
@4 "As a straight woman..."
Posted by spamky on January 16, 2013 at 5:50 PM · Report this
sirkowski 6
"I don't approve of pornography,"

And fuck you too.
Posted by sirkowski on January 16, 2013 at 6:36 PM · Report this
I hope the friend from the first letter was straight or bi. Not shaming a porn-appearing friend is one thing, enjoying an activity in which one would not be a welcome participant is another, but mix the two and a line feels crossed.
Posted by vennominon on January 16, 2013 at 6:58 PM · Report this
he sent an email to the savage lovecast, I dont think he understands how a podcast works
Posted by velour on January 16, 2013 at 7:41 PM · Report this
Fistique 9
@5: That guy totally sucks as a straight woman.
Posted by Fistique on January 16, 2013 at 8:51 PM · Report this
mikethehammer 10
Of course it's a terrible shame that some legal activity from nearly 10 years ago cost her the job, though it would also seem to be a pretty poorly thought out career path. Not sure how she figured this wouldn't eventually come to light and play out exactly as it has. Hopefully some progressive district, or dare I say charter school, is willing to give her another shot.

Not unlike with our shooting down of marriage equality and pot legalization efforts, Oregon is yet again proving remarkably sterile and regressive. Blah.
Posted by mikethehammer on January 16, 2013 at 9:29 PM · Report this
The story about the teacher is from Oxnard, CA, not Oregon. The publication is the Oregonian (based in Portland), but the school district is in California.

Just trying to be clear about who the idiot is in this particular story.
Posted by clashfan on January 16, 2013 at 9:35 PM · Report this
Lose-Lose 12
@10: Actually, "her careed spanned from 2005 to 2007" and she started teaching in 2009. THIS IS A REALLY MINOR TECHNICALITY, and if I weren't so anal about details, I wouldn't mention it.

Actually, the worst take-way of the teacher/porn-star case: women, if you're facing financial difficulty, don't turn to the the safe and legal porn industry; better instead go to the very unsafe and illegal prostitution industry, as there's no photographic/digital proof (if you do it right).

I really hope she appeals this decision...
Posted by Lose-Lose on January 16, 2013 at 9:41 PM · Report this
@12 Or perhaps do not go into either of those industries? If being a legal porn star can cost someone a job years after the fact, being a prostitute probably would too. Yeah, there are no filmed and circulated pictures and videos, but arrest records show up on background checks.
Posted by DRF on January 16, 2013 at 10:22 PM · Report this
seandr 14
I invited a porn star over for cookies and champagne on Christmas Day

Sorry to have missed it, Dan.
Posted by seandr on January 16, 2013 at 10:24 PM · Report this
mikethehammer 15

I was also wondering if an appeal would be in order, perhaps even some guidance/representation from the ACLU.

But even if she were to win a case, I'd wonder about a return to teaching, at least at a junior high or high school level. I had a challenging enough time paying attention in class during those years. Suffice it to say having her as a teacher probably wouldn't help a whole lot.
Posted by mikethehammer on January 16, 2013 at 10:36 PM · Report this
ScrawnyKayaker 16
@2 "Good God, people this stupid are in charge of educating our kids?"

Well, there's a surprise. The idiot principal at my daughter's elementary school drove out the best teacher in the building because they were on opposite sides of an issue between the parents (with whom the teacher sided) and the downtown admin (upon who's ass the principal's lips were firmly locked (figuratively, not literally)).
Posted by ScrawnyKayaker on January 17, 2013 at 7:02 AM · Report this
Ophian 17
@2 And you don't approve of prostitution...but you've got all kinds of defenses and excuses for the Catholic Church.

Fucking twit.
Posted by Ophian on January 17, 2013 at 8:15 AM · Report this
@17 When prostitutes spend half their time feeding the poor, educating the ignorant, and advocating for the underrepresented, I'll have plenty of "excuses" for them too.
Posted by DRF on January 17, 2013 at 8:40 AM · Report this
SoapMacTavish 19
@18. You really think that is the Vatican's mission, eh?
Posted by SoapMacTavish on January 17, 2013 at 9:50 AM · Report this
@19 Events have shown that to be the case, yes.
Posted by DRF on January 17, 2013 at 10:56 AM · Report this
SoapMacTavish 21
These events (…) make me question that the mission of the Vatican is to care for the poor and vulnerable but then maybe I’m missing some vital fact (I’m not a Catholic, so maybe I’m not getting the special memos) about raping children that actually helps them overcome poverty and ignorance. But as you point out, the Catholic Church only spends half it’s time ministering to the poor and ignorant. I guess with all that good work, spending the other half of their time raping kids is a small price to pay.
Posted by SoapMacTavish on January 17, 2013 at 11:34 AM · Report this
Megaera 22
@18: How about an ex-prostitute who is disabled and impoverished, living in a trailer, who spends most of her time and a significant part of her very limited income rescuing and caring for abused animals? Would that do you?

In some areas, at least, prostitutes have been in the front lines, educating their clients about the risks of HIV and AIDS.

The full story says that the woman in question only went into porn during a period of impoverishment, in order to support herself. What about the woman who went into prostitution because her full time job simply did not cover the costs of the medical bills for her son who had cerebral palsy?

If you're going to judge at all (and 'judge not, let ye yourselves be judged') then the time to do that is when there is universal health care, free at the point of service, and an adequate safety net for those who would otherwise fall through the cracks of society.

And while there are a lot of women who go into porn or prostitution out of sheer desperation and need, there are some - perhaps many - who do so because they *choose* to do so, and *it is their right to make that choice for their lives!* They are doing less harm - and a great deal more good - than those who work in munitions factories; those who shill for the NRA; those who continue to profit from fracking despite knowing that they are endangering the health of nearby residents; and those who profit from child slave labour, lining their pockets with the additional income they accrue abusing children in order to avoid employing adults at a living wage.

There has to be a sense of proportion here. Seriously! We should save our moral outrage for those things which are truly outrageous. Like a 12-year-old boy in the US dying of brain inflammation because his parents couldn't afford to take him to see a dentist. Now *that* is worthy of outrage. And tears.
Posted by Megaera on January 17, 2013 at 11:40 AM · Report this
SoapMacTavish 23
Because the 12 year old boy story isn't the vehicle needed to legitimize small minded bigotry fueled by religious indoctrination that manifests hatred and fear and a lack of compassion as “moral” outrage. Whores and porn actors are way better for that.
Posted by SoapMacTavish on January 17, 2013 at 11:55 AM · Report this
sissoucat 24
@5 and 9 - I'm an actual straight woman and after reading this, I went and watched the demos at Fort Troff, fully expecting to be disguted (but I was curious about the ass funnel).

Not because it's gay porn, but because I can't stand straight porn. I've only ever seen minutes of straight porn, as it turns my stomach right away ; seeing plastic boobs jump around and shaved female holes being penetrated are a total turn off for me. It does not represent what sex is for me - an intimate moment of shared pleasure.

So I was surprised to find those demos pretty enjoyable, and arousing. Expecially the least D/s ones. Were the guys seemed to care about each other and to try to give each other pleasure.

And yes, it's the male bodies that turn me on. Why shouldn't women enjoy gay sex ? It's double the viewing pleasure.
Posted by sissoucat on January 17, 2013 at 12:10 PM · Report this
Thanks sissoucat, gay porn is hot but then I'm gay. I had a similar experience as the first letter writer and saw an xtube video of a former friend/workbuddy getting in on with a boyfriend (I guess). It was a homemade video and was not the best quality so I'm not 100 percent on that is was him but the resemblance was so close. It seems like something that is too awkward to text him to find out about. I would never mention it to him if I saw him again, even if I was certain.
Posted by arachnar on January 17, 2013 at 4:27 PM · Report this
thecheesegirl 26
@24: Relevant.
Posted by thecheesegirl on January 17, 2013 at 10:15 PM · Report this
On the whole "future teachers should not appear in porn" thing, the one semi-legitimate reason I can think of this being an issue: A teacher who gets a class of horny 13-year-olds, a few of them get hot for teacher, find the porn, and before you know it the entire school is watching the teacher give someone a BJ or something.

And yes, that kind of thing causes problems in school. If nothing else, it diminishes a teacher's ability to get their class to focus on learning.
Posted by Thexalon on January 18, 2013 at 4:53 AM · Report this
sissoucat 28
@25 My pleasure ! To me this gay porn didn't seem exploitative at all. It seems more equal than straight porn, even with power play, because being of the same gender there is no sexism at work. It's refreshing. And pretty hot.

@26 : Yep, that pretty much sums it !
Posted by sissoucat on January 18, 2013 at 11:30 AM · Report this

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