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News & ArtsWednesday, January 16, 2013
Sports My Girlfriend Who Dies In California
Posted by Dan Savage on Wed, Jan 16, 2013 at 5:25 PM
College football players don't have much trouble getting girlfriends. So why would a college football player—a Mormon playing at a Catholic school—get a fake girlfriend? A fake dead girlfriend? I can think of one explanation...
37
Until Dan tweeted and blogged this, I just couldn't figure it out-- nothing made sense with this. Now, though, everything just clicks into place-- why his male friend, of all people, would organize the hoax, why he'd be on the phone for hours (supposedly with a female accomplice of his male friend perpetrating the hoax? huh?), why his friend's female friend would volunteer to be in the pictures, why the girlfriend would need to be killed off right after his grandma died (clearly she wasn't going to be able to go to his grandma's funeral).
Not that it couldn't have been a hoax on him-- I could totally imagine a young man falling for it; I had a long-distance relationship myself in college, you get used to the idea that the phone is your relationship (but I did, you know, see her in person during the breaks and videochat). But the motives of the other people weren't making sense. Until now.
Not that it couldn't have been a hoax on him-- I could totally imagine a young man falling for it; I had a long-distance relationship myself in college, you get used to the idea that the phone is your relationship (but I did, you know, see her in person during the breaks and videochat). But the motives of the other people weren't making sense. Until now.
36
Gay is one possible answer. The fact that he is Mormon is another. Mormons have all sorts of crazy chastity rules. Just read what it is like to be a student at BYU for an idea. He could have found an online relationship easier to reconcile with following his religious rules controlling chastity than an in person girlfriend who would have been perhaps too overpoweringly tempting.
Now, if he hadn't been a Mormon or really religious, I would agree that gay seems overwhelmingly likely. It still is probably the most likely answer, but there is enough reason to think there is an alternate explanation that I would hesitate to jump to conclusions.
Now, if he hadn't been a Mormon or really religious, I would agree that gay seems overwhelmingly likely. It still is probably the most likely answer, but there is enough reason to think there is an alternate explanation that I would hesitate to jump to conclusions.
35
@9:
You know, if I was a college football player in college (not that I went to a college that even had any sports teams), I wouldn't have had to have long distance relationships. And just as importantly, I know from having lots of long distance relationships, that I can think of better ways to waste my life away. Like having several meaningful relationships with the college girls lined up outside my fictional-college-football-playing-self's door.
You know, if I was a college football player in college (not that I went to a college that even had any sports teams), I wouldn't have had to have long distance relationships. And just as importantly, I know from having lots of long distance relationships, that I can think of better ways to waste my life away. Like having several meaningful relationships with the college girls lined up outside my fictional-college-football-playing-self's door.
34
@33: Dead on re: dead female love interests/male heroes. I was actually just this moment writing to Paul Constant that this seems to be comics' Women in Refrigerators problem played out in real-life's sports journalism.
33
@6: The video is a song from Avenue Q.
@31: I think that's entirely possible, and that the claims to have met her reflected "um I know it's lame that I haven't talked to her face to face, so I'll say I have."
He was either really naive to believe she was real (people dramatically fake dying on the internet is a real thing), or really naive to believe no one would dig into the story when he was up for a Heisman. I don't see how anyone claims he was obviously naive enough for the latter and not the former. From here, I can't see which of the half dozen or so possible versions is real, but some deep naivete is involved in all of them.
I will say this: the way this story apparently took off reflects an unhealthy obsession with dead female love interests as motivators for male heroes. I feel about this like I feel about everyone posting that Winona on Justified should be killed off so Raylan can go all "this time it's personal."
The story is more that people found this story important and interesting. Football player has girlfriend? Really?
@31: I think that's entirely possible, and that the claims to have met her reflected "um I know it's lame that I haven't talked to her face to face, so I'll say I have."
He was either really naive to believe she was real (people dramatically fake dying on the internet is a real thing), or really naive to believe no one would dig into the story when he was up for a Heisman. I don't see how anyone claims he was obviously naive enough for the latter and not the former. From here, I can't see which of the half dozen or so possible versions is real, but some deep naivete is involved in all of them.
I will say this: the way this story apparently took off reflects an unhealthy obsession with dead female love interests as motivators for male heroes. I feel about this like I feel about everyone posting that Winona on Justified should be killed off so Raylan can go all "this time it's personal."
The story is more that people found this story important and interesting. Football player has girlfriend? Really?
32
Mormon... football player... catholic school: you can see why he might do this. But no matter how fast he is or high he jumps, this story is going to do him a lot of damage, and raises some pretty big questions about his own stability. I hope somewhere in that perfect storm of intolerance is an actual support network.
31
A simpler explanation IF he lied about having a girlfriend: He's a (mormon) virgin in a locker room culture of misogyny. "I have a girlfriend...who died." No more pressure from teammates to gangbang a drugged co-ed.
29
Thanks for the link.
To paraphrase the New Yorker cartoon, "On the internet, nobody knows that you're a closeted drama queen."
Until everyone does.
To paraphrase the New Yorker cartoon, "On the internet, nobody knows that you're a closeted drama queen."
Until everyone does.
27
@20 That's not a compulsive liar, that's a pathological liar.
This wasn't a "youthful mistake". This was a year long pattern of lies, increasingly fantastical, designed to make him look like a hero and/or not a queer. When you watch his TV interviews about his "girlfriend" with the benefit of hindsight, you see a sociopath, not some duped loser.
Notre Dame has a well documented history of covering up the crimes of their football stars, so their statements should be met with a skeptical mind. They knew about this 2 weeks before the most hyped football game in a decade, and yet it didn't leak? Bullshit.
This wasn't a "youthful mistake". This was a year long pattern of lies, increasingly fantastical, designed to make him look like a hero and/or not a queer. When you watch his TV interviews about his "girlfriend" with the benefit of hindsight, you see a sociopath, not some duped loser.
Notre Dame has a well documented history of covering up the crimes of their football stars, so their statements should be met with a skeptical mind. They knew about this 2 weeks before the most hyped football game in a decade, and yet it didn't leak? Bullshit.
26
Prediction: Teo will become the first out player in the CFL.
Hope: That Teo will play so well in Canadian that an NFL team will bring him onto their roster.
Hope: That Teo will play so well in Canadian that an NFL team will bring him onto their roster.
24
Oh the joys of Twitter, Facebook and cyberspace relationships. You can be anybody, in love with anybody you make up and even have them die and get bereavement leave. All without one single disagreement, fart or belch. If you're caught, make up another lie about a vicious hoax.
Sounds like relationships in the 21st century. Or perhaps a reality TV show? We're doomed.
Sounds like relationships in the 21st century. Or perhaps a reality TV show? We're doomed.
23
She is waiting for him on the planet Kholrabi, where she has grown a penis and will join the other trans-sister-wives.
20
@19 Good story, bro. (Kidding!)
This is so funny. I didn't catch the gay subtext. I thought he was just a compulsive liar looking for sympathy and glory. But who knows?
It certainly is delicious to see the Big Time media get snookered like this.
This is so funny. I didn't catch the gay subtext. I thought he was just a compulsive liar looking for sympathy and glory. But who knows?
It certainly is delicious to see the Big Time media get snookered like this.
19
When I was closeted and living in the South (20 years ago), I invented a girlfriend because my co-workers kept asking so many questions about my dating life and activities over the weekend. After a year, the story had become so complicated and the lies so hard to remember that I had to kill her. So, she "died" in a tragic car wreck. Amusingly and without my asking, my manager came to me and gave me 5 days of bereavement leave. I used that week to fly to CA & look for another job. Found one and moved the fuck out of the South. No regrets and never looked back.
18
His grandmother died in September, so he could certainly have been emotionally vulnerable and easy to exploit.
Here he claims to have talked to someone over the phone, but never have met her. It could be as Dan suggests, but regardless, there are any number of embarrassing things that could have happened--maybe he did meet a woman claiming to be girlfriend--so I imagine people are reluctant to tell more than they must.
http://www.sfgate.com/sports/college/art…
Here he claims to have talked to someone over the phone, but never have met her. It could be as Dan suggests, but regardless, there are any number of embarrassing things that could have happened--maybe he did meet a woman claiming to be girlfriend--so I imagine people are reluctant to tell more than they must.
http://www.sfgate.com/sports/college/art…
17
I believe his dad claimed to have spoken with the girl on the phone, which would suggest that the family was in on the hoax. I thought the whole story was created in order to enhance his chances of getting the Heisman (it was all very dramatic, with her dying of cancer right before the big game, which he played in despite his grief...kind of sounds like the plot of an old Ronald Reagan movie).
16
If he is gay, I'll cut Te'o some slack for the deception. Jackie Robinson never had to tell his parents he was black.
15
Personally going to hold off my speculation either way. Not really comfortable outing someone like that who personally hasn't made a statement about homosexuality.
Just seems wrong is all.
Just seems wrong is all.
14
13 - yeah, I almost gave that caveat - but as an out star player? That would be big, and many players would support him. Right now - he is a 22yr old caught up in a big lie. Not the first.
12
That would be so awesome. For you non-Sportsballers, this guy was the most fearsome college linebacker in a long time, and was second in the voting for the Heisman, an award a pure defensive player has never won. He will still be drafted very high and if he comes out, he could have a Jackie Robinson effect in the NFL. It's time. It would be huge.
11
From the article I gathered he was having a thing with another (male) football player: Ronaiah Tuiasosopo. That's why he made up so much of the story of the girlfriend. He lied and said they had met several times and that they talked on the phone for hours on end. And that his girlfriend loved him. Straight bonafides established.
He most definately knew who he was talking to when he was talking to Tuiasosopo. And Tuiasosopo helped with the lie by getting a picture of another pretty female friend of his (who looked like Te'o's fake girlfriend) holding a sign with the fake girlfriend's initials/hashtag and gave it to Te'o for Te'o to post on his Facebook page.
I mean, why make up so much of the relationship, including them being together at times IRL? Oh, and then when the heat was on, he killed her off.
He most definately knew who he was talking to when he was talking to Tuiasosopo. And Tuiasosopo helped with the lie by getting a picture of another pretty female friend of his (who looked like Te'o's fake girlfriend) holding a sign with the fake girlfriend's initials/hashtag and gave it to Te'o for Te'o to post on his Facebook page.
I mean, why make up so much of the relationship, including them being together at times IRL? Oh, and then when the heat was on, he killed her off.
10
@9 While we are making recommendations, you should read the article. His father is quoted as saying he met up with her in Hawaii.
9
Dan, you need to watch both the documentary, Catfish and then the MTV series. People fall in love with a promise every day on the Internet. Doesn't make them gay or attention seekers or anything else. Just makes them vulnerable, like we all are from time to time.
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