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Tuesday, January 15, 2013

SL Letter of the Day: Lifted Program

Posted by on Tue, Jan 15, 2013 at 5:20 PM

Hi Dan! I love reading your column. Thank you for being the wonderful resource that you are, because I now have need of your advice!

My boyfriend recently told me that he has what is referred to as a lift/carry fetish. Specifically, he fantasizes about me giving him piggy-back rides. I would love to be able to satisfy his desires; he tends to be pretty reserved and undemanding, so I was ECSTATIC that he was able to tell me about this. But our size difference makes the idea a little terrifying (me: 5'5", 160 lb; him: 6'2", 200 lb). Additionally, I have a history of back problems. What's a girl to do? Google has been surprisingly unhelpful, so I was hoping you had an expert or two up your sleeve who could give me an activity that would tickle his fetish boner while keeping me out of the emergency room.

Lacking Info For Terrific Erotic Rumble

My response after the jump...

••••••••••••••••••••••

Let me respond first to the "Fake! Brigade: Yes, "lift/carry" is a real fetish. It's #1 on Buzzfeed's list of "Unlikely Sexual Fetishes." Which means someone, somewhere is jerking off to this clip right now:

Of course lift/carry being a real fetish isn't proof that LIFTER here sent me a real question. This letter could be a fake. They could all be fakes. But every question that makes the column and/or SLLOTD is just a really good hypothetical to every reader save one. The possibility that a letter is a fake doesn't keep me up nights, dear readers, and it shouldn't keep you up nights either.

Okay, LIFTER, let's give your boyfriend the benefit of the doubt and assume that he's actually got a lift/carry fetish and that he's not, say, a girlfriend-on-the-floor-writhing-in-excruciating-back-pain fetishist. I'm sorry to say that you're not going to be able to help him out regardless. Unless he would be satisfied with you installing some hooks in your ceiling, putting him in a harness (like this one), hoisting him up in the air and then slipping under him—which would allow you to bear some of his weight but not all of it—this isn't a need that you can safely meet for him.

So why not outsource it?

Since a lift/carry fetish doesn't require the exchange of bodily fluids—since it can safely be indulged fully clothed—you can arrange for a bigger, taller, stronger, sturdier chick to come over and lift/carry your boyfriend for you on your command. Then after all the scorching hot lifting and carrying action is over, LIFTER, your designated lifter can take off and your horny/grateful boyfriend can erotically rumble the shit out of you.

 

Comments (39) RSS

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nocutename 1
The specificity of people's fetishes is a constant source of amazement to me.
Posted by nocutename on January 15, 2013 at 5:27 PM · Report this
2
LIFTER: Go take an acrobatics/ weight sharing/ theater movement class together. I've lifted guys that big before (though never in a sexual context) and I'm even smaller than you! There are ways it can be done-- it's all about centers of gravity and stuff-- but both parties have to know what they're doing, and MAKE SURE YOU HAVE A SPOTTER the first few/several times!
Posted by chotis on January 15, 2013 at 5:32 PM · Report this
3
People who practice contact improv learn to lift people much larger than themselves with relative ease using body mechanics and momentum more than muscle. Check out your local class or jam.
Posted by s,a on January 15, 2013 at 5:33 PM · Report this
5
@1: Clowns. I mean, it would never occur to me.
Posted by IPJ on January 15, 2013 at 5:59 PM · Report this
6
That's odd. I would think that who's doing the lifting/domination/foot massage/other kink would be very important. But yes, it is at least technically possible to outsource it.

Wow, I wouldn't have thought of it, but @2 and @3 have some very helpful solutions.
Posted by DRF on January 15, 2013 at 6:04 PM · Report this
7
Also:

@4 has an excellent and simple physics suggestion. Time to plan a vacation.

I think yesterday's letter is much more likely to be fake than today's. (As spelled out in comments regarding some very specific details that go with fantasy.) But I agree with Dan: we don't expect him to keep an army of private eyes on hand to check details, including whether a letter writer *really* fantasizes about doing it in a clown car or whatever. With 7 billion people, someone out there is dealing with a problem like any given SLLOTD.
Posted by IPJ on January 15, 2013 at 6:05 PM · Report this
Sea Otter 8
As a woman who's big and strong enough to give piggybacks to most guys, I'm wondering if there's a career opportunity for me here.
Posted by Sea Otter on January 15, 2013 at 6:07 PM · Report this
Sea Otter 10
And yeah, I agree that 2 and 3 have good suggestions. Hiring a pro isn't always a solution - I think it's more than likely that LIFTER's bf specifically wants to be lifted by LIFTER.
Posted by Sea Otter on January 15, 2013 at 6:11 PM · Report this
The Max 12
Dance, Judo, Physical Therapy, Running Away And Joining The Circus, there are all sorts of ways you can find someone with the knowledge and training to train a healthy 160 pound female to safely lift and carry a 200 pound male. This same training can substantially reduce the LW's risk. Enough to take it down in to the level of acceptable? Depends on how bad her back is and the amount of risk she's willing to shoulder. I say talk to a doc.
Posted by The Max on January 15, 2013 at 6:18 PM · Report this
DAVIDinKENAI 14
Having set up (completely non-sexual) bungie jumps for the kids in the my backyard:

Put an eyebolt into a ceiling rafter. Hang a large pulley on it. Put another eyebolt in a wall stud as far as possible away. Buy 10-15 feet of 1/2" bungie cord (NOT the straps, but the thicker stuff off a spool at an industrial supply hardware store). Put him in a harness, attach the bungie through the pulley, and tension it to - whatever is easy to pull (30-40 pounds?) and secure to the wall stud. He now weighs 40 pounds less on your back. And is lighter still if you go lower to the floor. Repeat with another line if you want him lighter still.

But as others have said, learning HOW to lift carefully is required regardless of any hardware.

Is this perhaps motivation for him to drop a few pounds? He's not massively overweight, but couldn't everyone stand to lose 15-20 pounds? And she sounds game - what motivation would he offer for some joint gym time so she can do some lifts and squats in preparation? 2 hours a week of enthusiastic cunnilingus?
Posted by DAVIDinKENAI on January 15, 2013 at 6:50 PM · Report this
15
Ladies and gentlemen, the very fetish of R. Crumb as chronicled in the documentary film.
Posted by Queerfemme on January 15, 2013 at 6:52 PM · Report this
seandr 16
What @2 said, except replace weight sharing, theater movement, acrobatics, brazilian fight dancing, and all that other Portlandia stuff with actual weight training at an actual gym.

If you've got back problems, you should be doing this anyway. Start slow with exercises that don't overly stress the weak areas of your back (physical therapist can provide direction). Strong back muscles are your best defense against serious problems like herniated/slipped disks.
Posted by seandr on January 15, 2013 at 7:12 PM · Report this
17
boyfriend could also very easily be carried in a pool.
Posted by Shura on January 15, 2013 at 7:12 PM · Report this
seandr 18
@Sea Otter: Being carried doesn't do anything for me, but I do have an as of yet unfulfilled fantasy of being "man-handled" and wrestled into submission by a woman. (All my gfs have been delicate, feminine, pretty little flowers.)

I think there's more than one market out there for you.
Posted by seandr on January 15, 2013 at 7:22 PM · Report this
Reverse Polarity 19
Hmmm...

If you're careful, you can do a piggyback lift with relatively little strain to the back. If you watch the video, the second lift she does is a piggyback, and most of the guy's weight is on her hips, not her back.

It's kind of like backpack theory (not the little book bags, but a real camping backpack). With a proper wight belt, most of the weight of a backpack is carried on the hips, not the shoulders.

So if the LW has good strong legs and a good sense of balance and center of gravity, and they are careful how they set it up, this should be doable. She may want to try practicing with lighter people (a younger brother or another lighter girl or whatever) to see if she can manage it, and work her way up to someone the size of her BF.
Posted by Reverse Polarity on January 15, 2013 at 7:24 PM · Report this
seandr 20
P.S. Learn the "fireman's carry" - easiest lift there is - minimal back stress and most weight is born by your legs and core. Bonus - you can rescue people from burning buildings.
Posted by seandr on January 15, 2013 at 7:26 PM · Report this
21
I'd be really careful trying it -- while it does sound possible (I defer to previous commenters who have offered suggestions on how to do it) -- you can also really hurt your back. I had to stop giving my significantly younger (and lighter!) sister piggyback rides because one day, when I was straightening with her on my back, it cracked and I was out of commission for two or three days.
Posted by ThetaSigma on January 15, 2013 at 7:27 PM · Report this
chaseacross 23
That weight difference is totally doable. I say start doing some squats and watch some firefighter technique videos on YouTube. Two months and you could totally get him off (the ground).
Posted by chaseacross on January 15, 2013 at 9:07 PM · Report this
24
Take up figure skating. Anissina and Peizerat often had two F/M lifts in their programs, and they weren't the only ones. Brasseur and Eisler were only able to put a throw Axel (sometimes a double if Lloyd's skirt didn't get in the way) into their gender-reversed "Patricia the Stripper", but they had a big difference in size.
Posted by vennominon on January 15, 2013 at 9:31 PM · Report this
Sea Otter 25
@18 and 20, good to know. Wrestling men into erotic submission actually sounds like a great time to me. (I actually suspect one of my exes had this fetish - he always wanted to wrestle and always seemed to get a boner during the process.) And the fireman's carry seems like a skill that could come in handy in a lot of scenarios, beyond erotic play.
Posted by Sea Otter on January 15, 2013 at 9:44 PM · Report this
DAVIDinKENAI 26
@24: yes, figure skating. Or ballet (no ice required).

But I'm guessing he'd rather see her in a weight-lifter's belt than in a tutu.
Posted by DAVIDinKENAI on January 15, 2013 at 9:46 PM · Report this
DAVIDinKENAI 29
And, right about the time the sexbots first arrive to help the Centaur fetishists; wearable, industrial lifting suits (think of the evil sergeant's suit in Avatar) will be $100,000. 5 years later, you'll be able to get one in Home Depot.

We're all suggesting carries and aids that assume he is still and letting her keep his center of gravity over her feet. But won't he actually be wanking it?
Posted by DAVIDinKENAI on January 15, 2013 at 9:52 PM · Report this
sirkowski 30
That robot thing in Aliens.
Posted by sirkowski http://www.missdynamite.com on January 15, 2013 at 9:55 PM · Report this
Eastpike 31
Pool, duh.
Posted by Eastpike on January 16, 2013 at 12:29 AM · Report this
32
I second @3. Contact Improv FTW
Posted by drewm1980 on January 16, 2013 at 1:31 AM · Report this
33
Dan, Dan, Dan. Always overlooking the straight-forward, practical solutions: Space Travel. Duh.
Posted by LML on January 16, 2013 at 6:12 AM · Report this
smajor82 34
@4 - brilliant! She could even get a snorkel and submerge herself so that a good portion of his weight is supported by the water. Or maybe don a serious life-preserver and then go into deeper water.

Side note: Two people each in life preservers having sex in deep(ish) water is a great time. The bobbing up and down effect is quite nice.
Posted by smajor82 on January 16, 2013 at 6:51 AM · Report this
36
There's no reason a 160 lb woman without any SPECIFIC health issues ["back issues" doesn't cut it - come back with a real diagnosis if it's really an issue] can't carry a 200 pound person on their back. Per http://www.exrx.net/Testing/WeightLiftin… an "advanced" woman at your weight should be able to SQUAT 200 lbs (more difficult than the carry). \

This doesn't mean go out today and carry this guy on your back. Experience, technique and confidence are required also. So if it is something you want to do, get to a gym (crossfit seems particularly suited towards this type of activity) and train up. You don't need to blessed in your DNA region to get strong enough to carry 200 lbs, anyone who puts in the time can get there.
Posted by fetish on January 16, 2013 at 7:13 AM · Report this
seandr 37
@27: Have you asked them?

What, you mean, like, with words and stuff? Are you kidding? What do you take me for, some kind of sniveling, needy asker of things? A real man doesn't ask, he sits around muttering to himself and pouting until his wife sighs and says, "OK, I give up, what is it?"
Posted by seandr on January 16, 2013 at 8:35 AM · Report this
Neptune 38
I can't believe Dan didn't think of suggesting a swimming pool! If they were both in water up to their chests with their feet touching the bottom, I think a piggy back ride would be fairly simple to pull off. Unless the context would ruin the act in someway, I think that's a perfect idea. A friend of mine who weighs about 100 pounds can hold/carry her enormous german shepard in the pool, no problem.
Posted by Neptune on January 16, 2013 at 11:30 AM · Report this
smajor82 39
@38 - your friend has a dog lifting fetish?
Posted by smajor82 on January 16, 2013 at 12:36 PM · Report this
anarchy burger 40
I weigh 100 lbs and I can easily piggyback a 140 lb person. I've done some partner aerials and whatnot. Whether the LW can do it depends on what kind of back problems she has.

Contact improv is CREEPY.
Posted by anarchy burger on January 16, 2013 at 1:00 PM · Report this
anarchy burger 41
I meant to add: in my experience, mostly an excuse for people I wouldn't normally touch to roll all over me. Ew.
Posted by anarchy burger on January 16, 2013 at 1:03 PM · Report this
42
@36, Have you considered the possibility that she does have a specific diagnosis, and just didn't feel like sharing it in the column?
Posted by geminilee on January 16, 2013 at 1:59 PM · Report this
43
consider joining judo together. You'll get stronger, and you'll learn some safe ways to throw him around and sweep him off his feet.
Posted by scrappy_girlie on January 16, 2013 at 4:36 PM · Report this
44
Fireman's Carry.

I'm glad others have already suggested it. A great, easy way to pick up a lot of weight.
Posted by Learned Hand on January 16, 2013 at 8:56 PM · Report this
45
@42 I considered it. It's possible, but unlikely. You can't account for everything in a comment on a blog post. Did you consider that the boyfriend with the carry fetish wasn't real and was in fact a hoax?
Posted by fetish on January 21, 2013 at 11:20 AM · Report this
46
I have the same fetish and would love for my wife to carry me to bed. But she won't.
Posted by carrymeaway on January 24, 2013 at 11:03 PM · Report this
47
I have the same fetish and would love to be carried to bed by a women.
Posted by carrymeaway on January 24, 2013 at 11:05 PM · Report this

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