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Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Bill Proposes Selling Naming Rights on State Highways and Bridges

Posted by on Tue, Jan 15, 2013 at 4:49 PM

From the Anything to Avoid Raising Taxes Department comes HB 1051, a Republican-sponsored bill to finance our highways by selling off the naming rights on state transportation facilities. You know, like the "Toyota Tacoma Double Cab PreRunner V6 Narrows Bridge." Or something.

Personally, I'm opposed to selling the naming rights on state bridges and highways because I think it cheapens the commons and reinforces our irresponsible something-for-nothing political narrative, whereas Charles is for it because he's the world's worst Marxist. But if this bill does pass, we were thinking: What would be an appropriate sponsorship of the new Alaska Way Viaduct tunnel?

We considered passing the plate to raise the money to name it the Dominic Holden Victory Tunnel, but that unfortunately would violate Section 2, Paragraph 4(e), expressly prohibiting: "Any material that is so objectionable under contemporary community standards as to be reasonably foreseeable that it will incite or produce imminent lawless action in the form of retaliation, vandalism, or other breach of public safety, peace, and order." Ah well.

So please feel free to offer in the comment thread your suggestions for fitting corporate sponsorships as our state auctions off its last shred of self-respect.

 

Comments (18) RSS

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Will in Seattle 20
@4 for the Bill Gates Paul Allen Memorial We-Did-Not-Pay-For-It-You-Did Tunnel win.
Posted by Will in Seattle http://www.facebook.com/WillSeattle on January 16, 2013 at 12:01 PM · Report this
venomlash 18
If you pay to build the bridge or whatever, you should get naming rights. But selling the name of an already-existing structure just because you can is idiocy.
Posted by venomlash on January 16, 2013 at 8:46 AM · Report this
17
Logos on politicians not good enough. Naming Rights! Senator Microsoft.

Posted by david on January 16, 2013 at 8:27 AM · Report this
Kinison 16
While its shameful to sell the rights to name streets, we kinda already do this, you just need to pay for the construction of the road. You build it, you name it.

Having worked for Wave Broadband (Cable Company), occasionally we would we handle installs on Sesame Street, Peace & Quiet Lane, Cheesehead Ave, etc. Of course you never saw something like Toyota Street because nobody would place their business miles out in the middle of nowhere Port Orchard.
Posted by Kinison http://www.holgatehawks.com on January 16, 2013 at 7:52 AM · Report this
15
I suggest y'all look eastward to Chicago before you sign any contracts. We've got a hundred year lease on parking meters we can't get out of (yay highest parking rates in the USA), and tolls on the Skyway are $4 and set to rise - not that the money's going to go to Chicago. Hint: the lawyers writing these contracts are not very interested in the civic good, nor are the businesses who are offering you a shitty deal because you're cash starved. It's the equivalent of a fucking payday loan. You'll be very sorry once you start down this road - us, we're looking to sell Midway airport. That should shore up our budget for another couple of months. Then, we'll just whore out Aldermen.
Posted by kalel80806 on January 16, 2013 at 6:42 AM · Report this
13
My friend in high school had a fascination with the Major Deegan Expressway. He claimed it gave people a false sense of importance...yeah, I'm driving on the Major Deegan Expressway...no big...do it all the time.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=699IZwT0D…
Posted by Supreme Ruler Of The Universe http://_ on January 15, 2013 at 9:39 PM · Report this
runswithnailclippers 12
How about the calendar? "The Year of the Depends Adult Undergarment"? Ok, not my idea. (David Foster Wallace)
Posted by runswithnailclippers on January 15, 2013 at 9:26 PM · Report this
Posted by mattw on January 15, 2013 at 8:02 PM · Report this
10
Prerunner is the non 4x4 model that looks like a real f4x4.

Poser truck.
Posted by ryanmm on January 15, 2013 at 7:22 PM · Report this
9
Well, there goes my plan of renaming the Mount Baker Tunnel the 'Glory Hole'.
Posted by Emilio Ballardo on January 15, 2013 at 7:17 PM · Report this
knobtheunicorn 8
Wow, I just finished "Snow Crash" two days ago. What the fuck FUTURE, why can't you deliver the cool shit like Rat Things and hypodermic rape preventive dentatas instead of this bullshit?
Posted by knobtheunicorn on January 15, 2013 at 7:15 PM · Report this
SEANIEPANTS 7
Selling our politicians is a great idea! We could advertise them on Backpage.com. We just have to hope Liam Neeson doesn't show up.
Posted by SEANIEPANTS on January 15, 2013 at 7:14 PM · Report this
6
I'd been hoping they'd name it after Boss Gregoire. Success or failure, it will be her most lasting, tangible legacy on the city of Seattle.
Posted by Don't you think he looks tired? on January 15, 2013 at 7:09 PM · Report this
5
No! N-O. The idea of having to refer to Boeing, or Microsoft, or Pepsi, Comcast, whatever the hell, when talking about getting directions to some place is absolutely repulsive. This is typical of Republicans. Why do we have to sell everything to corporations? All of our rights, all of our government, and now even the streets we walk on. I swear, it's like capitalism is our religion and the corporations are our gods. Our lives revolve around them. Everything is for them. We only exist to serve them. Disgusting.

I like the idea of draping these clowns in ridiculous logos. If they want to be little whores for corporations, let them dress like it.
Posted by floater on January 15, 2013 at 7:07 PM · Report this
4
I vote for the Shit for Brains TM downtown tunnel. Because anyone will see no-one will pay $5 to drive underground in a dumbass tunnel, when they can take I-5.
Posted by pat L on January 15, 2013 at 6:43 PM · Report this
3
Someone had the idea to force politicians to wear the names of their sponsors on their suits like NASCAR drivers. Let's get it done!
Posted by tshicks on January 15, 2013 at 5:46 PM · Report this
2
Georgia has done this and the result is ridiculous (eg named intersections). Also a nightmare for visitors and mapmakers.

Plus, the obscenity rule would forbid an atheist charity from naming a road since Christians are known to vandalize any kind of atheist display. Probably true for Muslim things too.
Posted by wxPDX on January 15, 2013 at 5:07 PM · Report this
Jerry M. Ander 1
Uh, choice #3 has been done to death. It's commonly known as fundraising.
Posted by Jerry M. Ander on January 15, 2013 at 5:02 PM · Report this

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