I've got good news and bad news. First, the bad news: The networks have staunchly refused to give my reality show High-Diving Donkeys the green light. Their rejection letter said something about how a show involving 12 donkeys living together in one house while competing against each other in high-diving competitions "isn't commercially viable." ISN'T COMMERCIALLY VIABLE??? Man, I'm glad I'm not driving right now, because when I hear the words "high-diving donkeys," I can't see anything but DOLLAR SIGNS.
But WHATEVER. Since the networks are apparently scared of making money, I'll just keep my idea and launch one of those "Kickstarter campaigns" in which you donate a load of moolah to get High-Diving Donkeys on the air, I make a million bucks, and you never see a penny of it. BUT! In return, YOU get to watch 12 donkey roommates fighting, laughing, making love, and diving off a 50-foot-high platform into a kiddie-sized swimming pool. You cannot put a price on that.
Anyway, here's the good news: So while you won't be watching donkeys diving into pools, you will get to see celebrity has-beens (and never haves) give it a go this week in the two-hour Fox special Stars in Danger: The High Dive (Wed Jan 9, 8 pm).