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Monday, January 7, 2013

The Late Monday Morning News

Posted by on Mon, Jan 7, 2013 at 9:46 AM

Hoorah for us! A Seattle based American football club won an important game or something. Also, free pancakes!

Is there any Obama decision short of resignation that Republicans would support? Republicans are strongly opposed to President Barack Obama's nomination of Republican Chuck Hagel for Secretary of Defense, just because!

If I were him, I'd start out with just some moderate walking. New Jersey Governor Chris Christie, riding his post-Sandy high, says that "you’re damn right I’d be more ready" to run for president in 2016.

Ten billion dollars! Bank of America has agreed to pay $10 billion to Fannie Mae to settle claims that its subsidiary Countrywide misrepresented the quality of mortgages it sold to the government-owned mortgage giant.

If it's not Boeing, I'm not going (to catch fire). An empty 787 Dreamliner caught fire while parked at a gate at Boston's Logan International Airport. The 787 has been plagued with electrical problems.

If everybody carried gasoline and matches, tragedies like this would never happen. A San Francisco man is accused of pouring gasoline on his girlfriend and lighting her on fire after the two argued over whether to leave clothes in a laundromat.

If everybody carried a bobcat, tragedies like this would never happen. A Massachusetts man is being treated for rabies after being attacked by bobcat in his garage.

If everybody carried a gun... oh, wait. Nobody was injured at a Cost Plus in Silverdale after a well-regulated militia dropped a .38 caliber handgun on the floor, causing it to discharge a bullet into a stack of nesting rope baskets.

OMG, it might snow Wednesday night! Then again, it might not.


Comments (19) RSS

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Dr_Awesome 1
Wait- Another goddamn silverdale idiot accidentally discharged a gun?
Posted by Dr_Awesome on January 7, 2013 at 10:02 AM · Report this
NotSean 2
GDamned Costco baskets had it coming.
Posted by NotSean on January 7, 2013 at 10:02 AM · Report this
evilvolus 3
Just an FYI, a "football club" plays soccer. Seattle's football club also won many important games, but not since August. The Seahawks are a "football team."
Posted by evilvolus on January 7, 2013 at 10:12 AM · Report this
The affected indifference to sports that so many Slog writers gratuitously sprinkle in their posts is getting pretty old by now, guys.
Posted by MRM on January 7, 2013 at 10:18 AM · Report this
MacCrocodile 5
@3 - Would a hyphen help? "American-football club"
Posted by MacCrocodile on January 7, 2013 at 10:23 AM · Report this
Keekee 6
The indignity that sports fans are expressing towards the Stranger's indifference to sports is getting pretty old by now, as well.
Posted by Keekee on January 7, 2013 at 10:35 AM · Report this
Goldy, the answer to your second question is no, there isn't a single damn thing Obama can or will ever do that the Republicans won't object to, and that includes resigning, because resigning would mean either he was a coward, or a lazy slacker, or guilty of some heinous and heretofore undiscovered crime. He could godforbid develop metastatic cancer and be on life support, and the Republicans would accuse him of trying to duck testifying on some lame issue. He could godforbid be in an accident on Air Force One, lose both hands, and they would attack him for using autopen signatures on bills. He could godforbid have a disabling stroke and Republicans would attack him for falsifying his tax returns. It has nothing to do with his race or his political philosophy -- it's just that he's the crypto-nazi/commie/kenyan/muslim guy who fooled 53% of the American people into voting for him by accident so he could steal the White House and sell it off to his Indonesian gangster friends in Chicago.
Posted by Calpete on January 7, 2013 at 10:48 AM · Report this
@7, bravo.
Posted by sarah70 on January 7, 2013 at 10:50 AM · Report this
Pick1 9
@6 I come to Slog only to read sports highlights! Why don't they report on the things I care about?!?!

Also, now I really want a pet bobcat to carry around and throw at people...the imagery is amazing.

I could even have a catchphrase: "You've been cat-kabobbed!" or something.
Posted by Pick1 on January 7, 2013 at 10:51 AM · Report this
venomlash 10
Here's how to make people carry bobcats:

I like how the Log Cabin Republicans are going after Hagel for being anti-gay. Where were they a couple months ago when an anti-gay Republican was trying to bag the Presidency (and therefore be in a position to actually make decisions about gay rights)? Such phony outrage.
Posted by venomlash on January 7, 2013 at 11:05 AM · Report this
Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn 11
These guys whose guns fall out and go off are always in their 50s and 60s. They have that absurd handlebar mustache, you know the one? Park their penis-shaped Dodge Ram 2500 blocking the crosswalk. Wilford Brimley looking motherfuckers.

If they wanted to take guns out the the hands of the worst 10% of gun owners, that profile would do it.
Posted by Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn on January 7, 2013 at 11:17 AM · Report this
Will in Seattle 12
Obviously we need to arm our teachers with flamethrowers to take care of the kid-killing gun nuts.
Posted by Will in Seattle on January 7, 2013 at 11:30 AM · Report this
Yes to free pancakes.

No for Christie getting any.

I have mixed feelings about Christie. A blowhard for sure but he also cares deeply about being a good public servant. (Insert definition of "good" here.)

As far as his weight and ability to serve, it has nothing to do with his brain. However, being President is a hugely stressful job and being that overweight will not help. I would worry he might eat even more because of the stress. (That said, we have had plenty of overweight presidents.)
Posted by westello on January 7, 2013 at 11:41 AM · Report this
biffp 14
Please add a Stranger sports blog. Obviously, I look for sports analysis over here.

Love "a well-regulated militia dropped a .38 caliber handgun on the floor . . . . " A perfect reflection of the fake debate the NRA has manipulated the country into having. It's second to "Democrats want free stuff," but that's a doozy. Getting poor and middle class Americans to attack each other in the name of the 1% never paying taxes (thus getting everything free) is such bullshit mastery. There can be no real contenders.
Posted by biffp on January 7, 2013 at 11:49 AM · Report this
Will in Seattle 15
@14 hey, come on, it's not like Facebook paid 0.04 percent income taxes on all the billions they made in Europe due to Ireland being whores.

Oh. Wait.

Never mind.
Posted by Will in Seattle on January 7, 2013 at 12:09 PM · Report this
Sir Vic 16
Nice to see Countrywide finally getting their time in the spotlight. They really were at the heart of the bubble, using shitty law & poor oversight to essentially raid the treasury.
Posted by Sir Vic on January 7, 2013 at 12:16 PM · Report this
McGee 17
Why are any of you surprised that this bunch of thin-wristed fops hate sports?
Posted by McGee on January 7, 2013 at 2:05 PM · Report this
Some Old Nobodaddy Logged In 18
@6 Unless it's the NHL. Then it's ::wet panties time::

The Hagel nomination was actually well-crafted, as it demonstrates one, the obvious conclusion that Team Rape will block anything that Obama does, but more importantly forces the hand of a group that prefers to stay in the shadows: The Israel Lobby. The only reason to oppose Hagel (from a conservative viewpoint, here, not a progressive one) comes from a statement he made that American policy in the Middle East shouldn't be subservient to Israel's desires. It's a dangerous statement to make from Israel's POV,as it touches on the deep-seated conservative emotion that AMERICA shouldn't bow to anyone, thereby possibly driving a wedge into their main support in DC. But now they're being drawn into the limelight w/ their opposition to Hagel, who otherwise would be a Team Rape wet dream. And any time the power of the Israeli Lobby is demonstrated to the slack jaws is a good thing. I'm curious how our resident trolls feel about America being a puppet for Israel.
Posted by Some Old Nobodaddy Logged In on January 7, 2013 at 2:07 PM · Report this
Goldy: Love your stuff, but for the LOVE OF GOD, please ask an intern how to make posts that open a new tab! Thanks!
Posted by fotoeve on January 8, 2013 at 1:15 AM · Report this

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