Fox News continues their extremely important and oh-so-necessary coverage of the "War on Christmas™"—because, you know, everybody hates Christmas so much they want to fire Scud missiles at it—with this interview of "Santa Claus," which I'm putting in quotes because he's a goddamn FAKE!!! The real Santa would never, ever, EVER lower himself to either appear on this show or politicize his mission, and so instead of a "War on Christmas" I'm declaring war on this goddamn fake of a fraud Santa!! DOWN WITH FAKE SANTA!!!

BOOOOOOOOOOO, FAKE SANTA!! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! (Where did I put my Scud missiles?)