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Tuesday, December 18, 2012

The Abortion Pills Are Probably to Blame for This

Posted by on Tue, Dec 18, 2012 at 9:49 PM

Eagles didn't pull this kind of shit on us back when we had prayer in our schools:

Maybe if that kid had been armed he could've protected himself from that eagle. (I predict that this video will eat the Internet tonight. Thanks to Slog tipper Matt.)

UPDATE: The video is a hoax, says Gawker. We didn't have YouTube hoaxes back when we had prayer in our public schools. Okay, we didn't have YouTube then either, but still. Also, abortion pills.


Comments (51) RSS

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That is horrifying! I'm glad that the eagle weren't able to fly the kid even higher. I feel terrible for that poor kid.
Posted by Dana Caffrey on January 20, 2013 at 6:45 AM · Report this
@30: so this is a direct result of mothers working outside the home?
Posted by DAVIDinKENAI on December 20, 2012 at 12:42 PM · Report this
sissoucat 49
@35 That can only mean one thing Ricardo... I'm your mother !

(just kidding)
Posted by sissoucat on December 20, 2012 at 10:04 AM · Report this
@46 Very true. In fact, I was out with the telescope last night, so I can confirm that Ganymede is still under Jupiter's control.
Posted by LML on December 20, 2012 at 9:19 AM · Report this
I am so disappointed that this isn't true. It provoked all kinds of deep thoughts on how we've become so divorced from nature that we no longer think of ourselves as potential prey, even when the predators do. I lived in rural South America for a while, and any peasant parent would have gotten a baby (and the new lambs) out of harm's way if they saw a condor flying overhead.
Posted by danfan on December 19, 2012 at 11:37 PM · Report this
If I remember right, last time a boy got carried off by an eagle, he was made immortal to serve as a sex slave for all eternity, correct?
Posted by I have always been... east coaster on December 19, 2012 at 9:46 PM · Report this
milemarker 45
I think I saw that eagle in Lord Of The Rings. Few can say "I've flown with the eagles" but this kid can literally tell the truth about doing it, even if briefly. I saw a video years ago where an eagle snatched a house cat right out of a lady's arms - successfully! Yikes!
Posted by milemarker on December 19, 2012 at 1:33 PM · Report this
It really sickens me how people can make fun of our right to bear arms - God given, of course - and think that that has anything to do with this unsuspecting child.

And for those looking for an explanation, it is oh, too obvious: masturbation. If the dad had not been too busy rubbing one out while filming the eagle, he'd have been with the kid and all would have been well.
Posted by From the South (as in CA) on December 19, 2012 at 12:43 PM · Report this
Bonefish 43
36: This went way over your head. I wonder if Big Pharma sells a pill for "immunity to sarcasm."
Posted by Bonefish on December 19, 2012 at 11:09 AM · Report this
On local note, my wife watched an extended session of duck hunting by eagles on Greenlake on Sunday! That is a real fact.
Posted by cracked on December 19, 2012 at 9:42 AM · Report this
Awesome video! I especially love the Chariots of Fire music on the slow mo replay. But alas... The most obvious fakery about it is that the bird at impact is an osprey, not an eagle of any kind, but its size has been magnified to be much much larger than any osprey in this reality.
Posted by cracked on December 19, 2012 at 9:24 AM · Report this
Zeus and Ganymede!
Posted by some underemployed classicist on December 19, 2012 at 9:19 AM · Report this
Pope Peabrain 39
There is anthropological evidence of this happening. A skull of a young australopithecine has been uncovered with eagle claw holes in it's skull.
Posted by Pope Peabrain on December 19, 2012 at 8:09 AM · Report this
@ 36 - And what meds are you on?
Posted by Ricardo on December 19, 2012 at 8:04 AM · Report this
I love that you guys reported that the video was fake more quickly than Hilarious.
Posted by serabelle on December 19, 2012 at 7:59 AM · Report this
Ha ha, yeah, Dan, pills! What kind of loon blames anything on pills? No, reasonable people blame growing trends (e.g. teen suicide and homicide) on things that have been around forever (e.g. bullying and gun law).

First let's blame skyrocketing youth suicide on bullying. That way we can keep on selling meds that make kids suicidal. You can continue your Big Pharma PR efforts, Dan, and be a hero at the same time!

Then let's treat skyrocketing youth violence as solely a matter of gun law, so we can keep selling boatloads of meds that make kids homicidal. (Wait, didn't the OK Corral have more restrictive gun laws like 120 years ago? Case closed!)

Yup, it sure as shit gets better.
Posted by MGlover on December 19, 2012 at 7:45 AM · Report this
@ 15 - "Shit" and "fuck" are now part of the universal vocabulary. Indeed, "shit" is the first English word I learned, as that was my French-speaking mom's way of expressing discontent.
Posted by Ricardo on December 19, 2012 at 7:38 AM · Report this
Matt from Denver 34
@ everyone who believed this was real, even for a second...

Just remember. If you first hear of something via forwarded email / shared on FB / posted on blog without link to a media story.... That is, if you DON'T first hear of it on the NEWS... it's a hoax. At least until you get media confirmation. ESPECIALLY if it's something really unusual.
Posted by Matt from Denver on December 19, 2012 at 7:28 AM · Report this
Rob in Baltimore 33
"Eagles swoop down to seize a fish in their talons and carry it off, but can only lift about five pounds. Under certain circumstances, eagles have been known to drown trying to lift a fish that weighed too much."
Posted by Rob in Baltimore on December 19, 2012 at 7:27 AM · Report this
Lance Thrustwell 32
The way the kid fell you can tell he'll be all right. But this would have been no joke if that had been, say, a younger infant on a blanket. Eagle food. Yikes!
Posted by Lance Thrustwell on December 19, 2012 at 7:00 AM · Report this
I for one welcome our new eagle overlords and so forth.

Best twitter comment, "The sad fact is, eagle society doesn't provide enough in terms of daycare or paid time off to help a single eagle raise a baby."
Posted by sisyphusgal on December 19, 2012 at 6:48 AM · Report this
*Really* big eagles (and other raptors) are probably female.

Posted by originalcinner on December 19, 2012 at 6:34 AM · Report this
I'm guessing the kid was ok, maybe even completely unhurt, because I can't find one hard news story on the incident. Considering the claws on an eagle, that's pretty amazing right there. Might be possible, though, if the kid's coat was not only thick, but loose-fitting. The only hits on Google News are all articles about the amazing video, half of which have nothing better to do than speculate as to whether it's fake.

Posted by Brooklyn Reader on December 19, 2012 at 5:42 AM · Report this
ferret 28

Obviously, this can only happened in Socialist Canada, where predators can steal babies..

Posted by ferret http://!/okojo on December 19, 2012 at 5:38 AM · Report this
Oh, come on everybody! The gays are to blame. It's easy to tell when the gays are to blame--they always are.
Posted by LML on December 19, 2012 at 4:15 AM · Report this
sissoucat 26
Nothing on whether the child was hurt ?

I hope that its clothes were thick enough for the talons not to get through. Falling from that height is not fun either.

@15 I've used "shit" ever since I've been to the US.

For a non-native speaker, swearing in another language is less profane. But amongst the few I know ("mierda", "scheisse", and my native "merde"), "shit" has such a nice, explosive sound that makes it the ideal expletive in fast-happening troublesome circumstances.
Posted by sissoucat on December 19, 2012 at 3:22 AM · Report this
south downtown 25
if the mother had a gun...
Posted by south downtown on December 19, 2012 at 2:04 AM · Report this
Puckerd Poop Chute 24
I think the eagle was a muslim and a terrorist!
Posted by Puckerd Poop Chute on December 19, 2012 at 12:11 AM · Report this
1) funny as hell, especially when captioned as God's revenge.

2) Completely plausible. Bald eagles are good at catching fish ( I see them do it all the time), and better at eating dead fish, But golden eagles range widely and take a surprising range of prey including young mountain goats, and lambs.

3) my kid at that age was 20-24 pounds which apparently was too much to lift. Grabbing 5-15 pounds and the eagle keeps flying. That eagle tried to keep flying, but while it could climb momentarily, it couldn't maintain speed with that weight. I'd guess it misjudged how plump and therefore heavy a human baby is.

4) if you doubt that a golden would swoop in among humans, I know a NP ranger who saw a golden take a grizzly bear cub not far from the mother bear during its 5-10-pound, cute, fuzzball stage.
Posted by DAVIDinKENAI on December 18, 2012 at 11:57 PM · Report this
Those damn brownies- always trying to steal daikini babies!
Posted by UNPAID COMMENTER on December 18, 2012 at 11:30 PM · Report this
The Third Rail 21
Pretty sure that eagle just finished watching the Hobbit.
Posted by The Third Rail on December 18, 2012 at 11:27 PM · Report this
What a ride!
So cool, even if brief.
Posted by Fire Chief on December 18, 2012 at 10:56 PM · Report this
@17 Ha ha ha!

Best comment on YouTube so far: "This all could have been averted if the baby had had his own eagle."
Posted by floater on December 18, 2012 at 10:35 PM · Report this
sperifera 18
@15 - French Canadian typically has a shitload of English mishmashed into it. You can hear two people chatting in FC in Quebec and suddenly the words "movie theatre" is intermixed with the French. Tabernac!
Posted by sperifera on December 18, 2012 at 10:27 PM · Report this
If that eagle just stopped eating gluten, and tried some Bach flowers, its problems would easily be solved. (In Finland.)
Posted by Belle Starr on December 18, 2012 at 10:23 PM · Report this
I believe Eagle snatching is a harbinger of the Mayan Apocalypse (tm).
Posted by kinaidos on December 18, 2012 at 10:23 PM · Report this
Sargon Bighorn 15
By the way is "Oh shit" the French they speak in Canada?
Posted by Sargon Bighorn on December 18, 2012 at 10:22 PM · Report this
sperifera 14
@9 - Too late for that, the electors did there thing yesterday.
Posted by sperifera on December 18, 2012 at 10:22 PM · Report this
Let me self-correct, because I just looked it up. Golden eagles and bald eagles are about the same size.

However, it doesn't change that this one's a biggie.
Posted by floater on December 18, 2012 at 10:22 PM · Report this
Doctor Memory 12
Posted by Doctor Memory on December 18, 2012 at 10:21 PM · Report this
Gays too. Especially since Montreal is one big queer cum dumpster, God sends birds of prey to eat the babies.
Posted by ninny on December 18, 2012 at 10:19 PM · Report this
Sargon Bighorn 10
LOL too.
Posted by Sargon Bighorn on December 18, 2012 at 10:17 PM · Report this
seatackled 9
Well, this took place in Montreal, so it's clearly because of that universal health care in Canada. Eagles are going to be doing this shit to white American babbies if those electors select Obama for that second term.
Posted by seatackled on December 18, 2012 at 10:15 PM · Report this
Gern Blanston 8
I'd like to see that eagle square off against the Capitol Hill snowy owl.
Posted by Gern Blanston on December 18, 2012 at 10:13 PM · Report this
Some Old Nobodaddy Logged In 7
Obviously, granting civil rights to minorities is to blame.
Posted by Some Old Nobodaddy Logged In on December 18, 2012 at 10:13 PM · Report this
@4 Golden eagles are huge, larger than bald eagles, if I remember. I thought they stuck to remote locations, though.

The Philippine eagle is the largest of all raptors. There was also one in present-day New Zealand, back before it was populated by people, that was even larger, a total monster. But as far as it goes, the golden eagle is, indeed, "a big goddam eagle." I would have never expected this if I was a parent. That kid has one hell of a story to tell now.
Posted by floater on December 18, 2012 at 10:13 PM · Report this
I cannot stop laughing. I'm sorry.
Posted by floater on December 18, 2012 at 10:06 PM · Report this
that is a big goddamn eagle.
Posted by drivel on December 18, 2012 at 10:04 PM · Report this
It killed Kenny!
Posted by cartman on December 18, 2012 at 9:59 PM · Report this
heywhatsit!? 2
I probably shouldn't have giggled at this but the Chariots of Fire slo-mo cracked me up.
Posted by heywhatsit!? on December 18, 2012 at 9:59 PM · Report this
I laughed so hard I almost peed.
Posted by Hannah in Portland on December 18, 2012 at 9:56 PM · Report this

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