Slog

Slog Music

Music, Nightlife,
and Drunks

Monday, December 17, 2012

SL Letter of the Day: Merry Fucking Christmas

Posted by on Mon, Dec 17, 2012 at 10:53 AM

I'm on hiatus while working on a manuscript for a new book. In the meantime, please enjoy these classic Savage Love letters pulled from previous columns. I will be back when the book is finished. —Dan

Originally published January 3, 2008:

I'm 19, female, bi, and have been with the same guy for a year. Things are great. I came home for Christmas and he went to his parents' house, and I'll see him in a few weeks. For Christmas, my mom got me some typical "mom" gifts—socks and underwear—but the panties had Disney princesses on them. I feel like a pedophile just owning them! I get it: She doesn't like the idea that I might be having sex, especially with the alarming rate that babies are popping out of teenage girls—but, come on.

Holiday Blues

My response after the jump...

Even if Mom was trying to send you a coded message—and I am not convinced that was her intent—you can turn the lemons of your mother's disapproval into the lemonade of a good, safe, responsible sex life. So Mom is not happy about her daughter being sexually active—that's too bad for Mom, right? Show Mom that her fears were misplaced by making sure you don't get your 19-year-old ass knocked up or knocked around.

As for feeling like a pedophile, HB, there's nothing pedo about a 19-year-old bi chick in Disney-princess underpants. A little girl in those panties is innocent and darling. A sexually active 19-year-old in those panties is ironic and daring. (A quick poll of straight men—or man, as the sample size was small—also revealed that 100 percent consider 19-year-old bisexual girls in Disney panties "sexy as fucking hell.") So when your boyfriend eats your pussy through a pair of your new Disney underpants—when he filters your vaginal secretions through an image of Jasmine or Ariel or Belle—he will not only be helping you assert your right to sexual fulfillment despite your mother's disapproval, HB, but helping you deconstruct a patriarchal heteronormative discourse that reifies female purity and holds up female undergarments as moral status markers. And when he services your clit, HB, the boyfriend will also be servicing those princesses. His efforts will transform them into the fully sexual beings their corporate creators never intended them to be.

To think your boyfriend can accomplish all of that—and strike a blow against repressive monarchical systems, too—just by eating your pussy while you wear your new panties, HB! And all you have to do is lie back, pull the stick out of your ass, and enjoy.

 

Comments (14) RSS

Newest First Unregistered On Registered On Add a comment
14
Right fuckin' on!
Posted by Snarky on February 24, 2013 at 4:29 PM · Report this
Ophian 13
Yes @11
Posted by Ophian on December 18, 2012 at 8:11 AM · Report this
12
Knat, that's an awesome story! I hope you and your mother-in-law have a pretty good relationship, 'cause she sounds like a kick in the pants.
Posted by clashfan on December 18, 2012 at 7:05 AM · Report this
Gus 11
Have the boyfriend wear the princess panties.
Posted by Gus on December 17, 2012 at 4:02 PM · Report this
venomlash 10
Um...I'm a straight dude dating a bi girl and I'd find it pretty creepy to get her pants off and see Disney characters on her skivvies. WTF Dan, which straight dude did you even ask?
Posted by venomlash on December 17, 2012 at 3:57 PM · Report this
9
@6, @7: He did not assume. She said she's been with the same guy for a year.
Posted by dchari on December 17, 2012 at 1:33 PM · Report this
v-man 8
@6 Maybe because of her first sentence?
Posted by v-man on December 17, 2012 at 1:17 PM · Report this
Max Solomon 7
@6: because, at 19, they usually do, and the bi part is all talk.

you forgot to use "Cisgendered" in your response, Dan.
Posted by Max Solomon on December 17, 2012 at 1:16 PM · Report this
6
Why did Dan assume a bi woman would have a boyfriend?
Posted by Spike1382 on December 17, 2012 at 1:04 PM · Report this
Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn 5
Could always wear them once and sell them.
Posted by Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn http://youtu.be/zu-akdyxpUc on December 17, 2012 at 12:12 PM · Report this
bleedingheartlibertarian 4
Moms can be pretty oblivious about this stuff. When my mom went to NYC on a trip (I'm pretty sure I was also 18 or 19 at the time, so this was a while back) she bought me a Seinfeld T-shirt that said "Master of My Domain".

I'm pretty sure she had no idea what that meant.

Posted by bleedingheartlibertarian on December 17, 2012 at 12:09 PM · Report this
Juniper Tree 3
The panties your mom gives you are great to wear when you're on the rag and don't care if they get ruined by leakage.
Posted by Juniper Tree http://walkingthehedge.net/wildgeekhang/ on December 17, 2012 at 11:32 AM · Report this
Knat 2
Is it possible that these were a joke gift? I had a similar experience with my mother-in-law a few years back (though mine involved Superman undies*), and she nearly died laughing watching my reaction as I opened them.

*She heard from my mother that I liked to dress as Superman as a very little kid. She thought that was adorable, as mothers tend to do.
Posted by Knat on December 17, 2012 at 11:28 AM · Report this
Pope Peabrain 1
You make eating pussy sound so complicated and unappealing.
Posted by Pope Peabrain on December 17, 2012 at 11:19 AM · Report this

Add a comment

Advertisement
 

Want great deals and a chance to win tickets to the best shows in Seattle? Join The Stranger Presents email list!


All contents © Index Newspapers, LLC
1535 11th Ave (Third Floor), Seattle, WA 98122
Contact | Privacy Policy | Terms of Use | Takedown Policy