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Wednesday, December 12, 2012

SL Letter of the Day: Lock and Key

Posted by on Wed, Dec 12, 2012 at 11:07 AM

I'm on hiatus while working on a manuscript for a new book. In the meantime, please enjoy these classic Savage Love letters pulled from previous columns. I will be back when the book is finished. —Dan

Originally published February 21, 2008:

Just before I married, I got a CB-2000 male chastity device and gave it to my wife as a joke Xmas present. She had previous mates fool around on her and I wanted to let her know I was serious.

We played with it some and a year later she got me a CB-3000. Soon she was keeping me in it for a week at a time. Now she keeps me in it for a month at a time. While I have adjusted to this, I miss being able to masturbate when I want to. I have tried to talk her into allowing me to be free again and she refuses. It's not that she's afraid I will fool around, but she believes that I'm more attentive, caring, and loving when kept in this condition. Is it becoming more common for wives to keep their husbands in chastity?

Lost Over Cock Kept Erotically Denied

My response after the jump...

No, LOCKED, it's not. Unfortunately, bullshit letters are all too common.

So you bought an expensive male chastity device as a gag gift—those CB-2000s start at $150—because, hey, there's nothing a woman with adultery issues wants more at Christmas than a gag gift that plays on her fears and insecurities. You must be a gas at funerals, LOCKED. And now your wife keeps your dick locked up for a month at a time. Against your will. And you're powerless to do anything about it.


If your wife keeps you in chastity—if you have a wife—it's because being locked up in a CB-3000 turns you on. Like most male chastity fetishists, you find the scenario more exciting if it's something your wife does to you, not something you have to beg the wife to do, but you can't expect the rest of us to play along. If you want to see your fetish discussed in Savage Love, just be honest. Send me a letter that says, "Write about the freaky shit that turns me on!" But don't make up some bullshit scenario.

Oh, and KTBC? You have options besides a castrated dog: Dump the motherfucker you're with, go to the message boards at, and you'll find guys whose ultimate fantasy is being with a woman so insecure, or so controlling, that she wants to keep his cock under lock and key.


Comments (11) RSS

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You can always tell the letter is bullshit when the elaborate story is followed by a throwaway question that does not qualify as asking for advice: "Is it becoming more common for wives to keep their husbands in chastity?"
Posted by dchari on December 12, 2012 at 12:21 PM · Report this
Clearly my vanilla-ness will show - but if one's penis is locked up, how does one pee??
Posted by Sasa the Banded Mongoose on December 12, 2012 at 2:59 PM · Report this
@3 per the website:
"The cage portion is vented for hygiene and has a bottom opening allowing use at urinals"

And if you're wondering: "plastic locks included allow wearer to go through metal detectors without setting off alarms"
Posted by EricaP on December 12, 2012 at 3:51 PM · Report this
@2 if locking up a man's cock in a cage isn't controlling, I don't know what is.
Posted by Marrena on December 12, 2012 at 5:30 PM · Report this

I'm sure that LOCKED is happy to see that women *do* exist who he doesn't have to beg to lock him up.
Posted by gromm on December 12, 2012 at 6:27 PM · Report this
Oh, good gravy Lorraine. Or good gravy Marie. Or both.
Posted by vennominon on December 12, 2012 at 6:33 PM · Report this
Spanx is crotchless?
It just confirms my bias against crotchless underwear.
Posted by migrationist on December 12, 2012 at 11:48 PM · Report this
@9, not crotchless. They have "curtains"
Posted by diane b on December 13, 2012 at 10:25 AM · Report this
even worse! @ 10
Posted by migrationist on December 13, 2012 at 10:35 AM · Report this
Plastic locks? Yeah, sure this is against your will.....

Assuming for the sake of discussion that Letter Writer is serious -- which I don't believe for a second -- if you are done with this, then don't be "more attentive, caring, and loving" while you wait for her to let you out of your prison cell for yard time. Tell her you have exactly one thing to say to her, and that's "safeword." If she's the least bit savvy about what puts the consensual into "nonconsensual" play, she will know perfectly well that being safeworded means she has about ten seconds to stop whatever she's doing, unlock you and apologize profusely before you become entirely justified in physically overpowering her and forcibly relieving her of the key.

If you aren't ready to safeword her, then shut up and enjoy your torture. Which we all know is exactly what you are doing.

The fact that you are "more attentive, caring and loving" while locked up tells me that whining to Dan is just opening a new front in your fetish for being made helpless. (I don't know about you, but when I'm honestly ticked off, I tend to get surly, not loving.) Why beg just your wife to let you out, when you can beg in front of thousands of people?
Posted by avast2006 on December 13, 2012 at 3:42 PM · Report this
The other thought is that if she is (hypothetically) letting you out only once a month (at that interval, it had damned well better be for sex, and a lot of it, not just masturbation), then divorce her ass for not holding up her end of the conjugal relations part of the marital relationship. Once a month or less is the clinical definition of "sexless." If that's her idea of a sex life, no wonder she had problems with other mates fooling around on her. If she thinks that you are "more attentive, caring, and loving when kept in this condition," just wait 'til she sees what sort of cooperation daily blowjobs get her.

(But the above is, of course, purely hypothetical bullshit, because clearly denial is your kink. You bought the thing yourself, you let her put it on you, you let her keep it on you for a month at a time even though if you wanted off it would take all of three seconds with a bolt cutter, and both of you get something out of how you behave when you are wearing it.

If you are even that. Frankly, the inclusion of not one, but two specific model numbers makes me suspect you're actually a marketing flack for the manufacturer.)
Posted by avast2006 on December 15, 2012 at 9:18 AM · Report this

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