The stupid weekly "New Column!" is a longstanding Stranger tradition. I imagine Wm. Steven Humphrey invented it, and a recurring joke has been to have stupid fake "guest columns" from celebrities who typically addressed an issue that rhymed with their name. (See Goin' Gay with Dr. Dre and My Thoughts on NATO by Dana Plato.)
Eventually, we ran out of rhymes—but not before we ran a "New Column!" "written" by a semi-famous Q13 news anchor of the late '90s, entitled Rambling Filler by Leslie Miller. As you can read, it was just a bunch of crud a news anchor might say while trying to fill dead air—but boy did it make the Q13 news director angry.
So angry was the Q13 news director—Todd Mokhtari was his name—that he called The Stranger and left a furious voicemail on the answering machine of publisher Tim Keck. The following week, we published the text of this voicemail as a "New Column!" called You Better Say Sorry by Todd Mokhtari. Enjoy!
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