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Wednesday, December 5, 2012

The Time Frank Oz Got So Mad He Called Me Up to Shout at Me

Posted by on Wed, Dec 5, 2012 at 12:16 PM

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This year, to raise money for Northwest Harvest, current and former Stranger staffers are telling stories about times people have called us up to shout at us. Andy Spletzer was the film editor of The Stranger from 1991 to 2000.

In 1995, The Stranger was just a few years old. There was no such thing as an internet version of this or any paper, much less Slog. Once the distro squad took each issue off the street and replaced by a new one, that was it. Reviews were only kept by parents and hoarders.

I never heard from film directors except when publicists set up interviews, and I never really got letters about my film reviews. Sometimes I would see people reading them in Cafe Paradiso, but mostly I was writing for myself and my coworkers. I do remember that after my review of The Indian in the Cupboard, Nancy in sales told me she hadn't planned on seeing it until she read my review. That felt good.

You see, my take on this very strange movie about a boy who is given a wooden cabinet for his birthday, one that happens to bring toys to life, is that it's a coming of age film about a young boy's first sexual feelings. Specifically, it's about a gay awakening, as young Omri brings a half-naked, anatomically correct American Indian to life and doesn't want to share his little male fantasy figure.

So I was sitting in the Honeycomb Hideout, our nickname for the cubicle that all the arts editors shared, when my phone buzzed: “Andy, Frank Oz is on the phone for you.”

“Put him through,” I said as I wrapped up my conversation with my fellow editors. But by the time I picked up the phone, the call had gone to voicemail. Having just gotten a compliment on the review, I thought he might have been calling to commend me on promoting this family film to a new audience.

He left a voicemail:

Andy Spleeetzor, or whatever your name is, my name is Frank Oz. I'm just reading your review in The Stranger of The Indian in the Cupboard. I've been in the business for a long time, and I don't mind a critique, and I don’t mind one that is critical of my work, but you know… YOU ARE A FUCKING HORSE'S ASS. You don’t have a CLUE as to what you are talking about. The thing that just GNAWS at me is when I see little people, working at these little horse-shit rag papers, suddenly think they’re experts on CINEMA and FILM, and they understand the story. You're a fucking dickhead, and I hope… I'm going to be in Seattle in about two weeks. I hope I get a chance to meet you.

Not the reaction I expected. Of course, because Frank Oz was the voice of so many famous Muppets, from Fozzy Bear to Miss Piggy to Yoda, and because The Stranger is The Stranger, we ran a transcript of the voicemail as a letter to the editor… in a word balloon coming out of Grover's mouth.

Obviously something got under his skin about my review, and I don't think it was my calling it a bad but fascinating film. No, I think he objected to me calling it a gay coming-of-age film (an interpretation I stand by).

I'd also like to believe that my review was in the back of his mind when Frank Oz chose his next project: In & Out, the one where Kevin Kline plays a closeted high school teacher who's outed by a former student on national TV. Then again, maybe it's a coincidence.

It costs only 67 cents to feed a family of three a meal through Northwest Harvest. As of this morning, Slog has raised $4,672! That's awesome, but only 99 individual donors have given so far. We can do better than that! GIVE TO NORTHWEST HARVEST NOW and send us your commenter handle along with your receipt, and we'll set you up with a SWASHBUCKING HERO badge.

 

Comments (15) RSS

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NotSean 1
...and then?
Posted by NotSean on December 5, 2012 at 12:25 PM
2
I can't decide if this story makes me love Frank Oz more, or less, but the fact remains, I love me some Frank Oz.
Posted by One unused prophylactic. One soiled. on December 5, 2012 at 12:30 PM
scary tyler moore 3
Kline, honey, not Cline.
Posted by scary tyler moore http://pushymcshove.blogspot.com/ on December 5, 2012 at 12:37 PM
4
I remember that review. It was totally spot on. And why I saw the movie.

FYI, when people say "I don't mind a critique..." what they really mean is:

"How DARE you remove your tongue from my asshole for five seconds! I AM YOUR GOD!"

That reminds me. I miss you Andy.
Posted by tkc on December 5, 2012 at 12:37 PM
rob! 5
Somebody needs to update the Wikipedia and IMDb articles with this important pre-Internet information.
Posted by rob! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QZBdUceCL5U on December 5, 2012 at 12:40 PM
Fistique 6
But...it's not a criticism to say something is gay? Because it's fine to be gay? There's actually no moral weight to saying something is gay or straight or whatever?
Posted by Fistique on December 5, 2012 at 1:04 PM
seandr 7
Andy!!!

Back in the day you and Matt Cook once showed up at a party in my apartment (across the street from Dan's old place on Boylston and Olive St). I don't think anything especially memorable happened, but I believe I recall you declining to smoke weed.
Posted by seandr on December 5, 2012 at 1:39 PM
8
What a pretentious twat (and I'm not talking about Frank Oz).

By the way, pretentious twat, you misspelled Kevin Kline.
Posted by keshmeshi on December 5, 2012 at 1:40 PM
TVDinner 9
God, the days before the internet. How I miss them. I do not, however, miss voice mail.
Posted by TVDinner http:// on December 5, 2012 at 2:28 PM
10
Kevin Kline just called, Andy. He's PISSED you misspelled his name. I talked him out of a tree and promised to fix it.
Posted by Christopher Frizzelle on December 5, 2012 at 3:07 PM
11
Any chance of a link to the musical remix of the voice mail?
Posted by Dance Party Fool on December 5, 2012 at 3:24 PM
12
@8 you could not be more wrong.

I know Andy. He is everything a good person should be. Humble. Funny. Kind. Smart. Compassionate. Andy has the courage to actually like things, rather than ironically snark at them. He can also make mean drink - but he makes a sweet drunk.

And if he reads this he will "en-pinken" with mid-west embarrassment. So I will end this unauthorized praise by saying I hear he is also a tiger in the sack...
Posted by tkc on December 5, 2012 at 6:22 PM
Matthew Richter 13
@12 Hear here.
Posted by Matthew Richter http://www.xomonline.com on December 5, 2012 at 8:47 PM
biju 14
Funny
Posted by biju on December 6, 2012 at 1:09 AM
Theodore Gorath 15
You should allow people to get the Hero tag if they contribute to any food bank in the country.

It feels a little shitty (as much as charity can) to give money to feed people all the way across the country who have a higher standard of living/social outreach programs, when I walk by some of the hungriest, dope and coke-destroyed communities in America here in Baltimore.

Because in Seattle, there are no slums. There is no ghetto.
Posted by Theodore Gorath on December 6, 2012 at 7:37 AM

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