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Friday, November 23, 2012

Health / Chow Wanted: Your Cure for a Post-Thanksgiving Clogged Duodenum

Posted by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey on Fri, Nov 23, 2012 at 11:04 AM

If you're anything like me, you awoke this morning with an entire three-pound turkey leg resting uncomfortably and snoring loudly inside your upper intestine, refusing to awake. It took a while, but I finally rousted him from his slumber and made him move along—though it took a grand total of four separate trips to the can. Here's my recipe:

One ginormous cup of black coffee.
One large bowl of Kashi's GoLean cereal (with 10 grams of fiber).
Followed by an exerting series of sidebends, backbends, and sit ups.

The result? It was like the Ghostbusters stepped into my colon armed with power washers.

However! I'm always looking for faster, more efficient methods of bowel expurgation—and I trust you to supply those in the comments below. BOMBS AWAY!

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Comments (13) RSS

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Magnesium citrate. One bottle is $1.50 at any pharmacy, and it comes in several disgusting flavors. It's hospital-grade blowout juice.

Posted by Stiny on November 24, 2012 at 8:15 AM

Space out your turkey engorgement next year. There's no need to eat all three pounds at one. Pace yourself.

Posted by suddenlyorcas on November 23, 2012 at 4:37 PM

Raw fruits and veges while you're eating (yesterday). So, time machine!

Posted by internet_jen on November 23, 2012 at 4:31 PM

Colon Cleanse.

Posted by Fat Fuck on November 23, 2012 at 4:28 PM

@8 I think that's the most um-American thing I have read all day, and I read today's thread about secession.

Posted by Like A Fire Hose on November 23, 2012 at 2:12 PM

Prevention is the best cure. Limit yourself to a single modest plate, maybe another later if the party's been going for a few hours.

Posted by Temia Eszteri on November 23, 2012 at 1:04 PM

Prunes with hot tea. Vroooooom!

Posted by Pope Peabrain on November 23, 2012 at 11:58 AM

Smooth Move herbal tea. Brew yourself up a cup and make sure you are within 100 feet of a toilet for the next 0.5 to 24hours.

Posted by seanicyouth on November 23, 2012 at 11:53 AM

Psyllium and benotite shake.

Posted by Cato the Younger Younger on November 23, 2012 at 11:49 AM

If you want instant colonic relief, don't waste that coffee by drinking it.

Posted by Banna

on November 23, 2012 at 11:48 AM

A Salt Water Flush...

Mix one quart of lukewarm water with two teaspoons of sea salt and chug.

It's the source of the idiom, "Went through like a dose of salts."

Posted by Like A Fire Hose on November 23, 2012 at 11:34 AM