The SPD Blotter has posted a report about a man spotted in a Columbia City last Wednesday, pants around his ankles, "in the throes of self-flagellation." Responding to a complaint, officers arrived in an alley at 3:34 p.m.—aka, in broad daylight—to allegedly find the 35-year-old man rubbing one out on a staircase. "When officers told the man to stop, he refused and said he was almost finished," the report says.

The Seattle Police Department notes that the suspect had been arrested before. He was booked into jail for indecent exposure.