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Friday, November 16, 2012

SL Letter of the Day: Diaper Pals

Posted by on Fri, Nov 16, 2012 at 11:32 AM

I'm on hiatus while working on a manuscript for a new book. In the meantime, please enjoy these classic Savage Love letters pulled from previous columns. I will be back when the book is finished. —Dan

Originally published February 8, 2007:

I've been married to my husband for two years and have been with him for four. I'm a little dominant, but nothing too out there. My husband, on the other hand, is a diaper-loving, transvestite adult baby.

I've done everything I can to make him realize that while I'm not into his kink, I'm not against it. I've bought him diapers (cloth and disposable), I've set aside a room in our house to be his "nursery," one weekend a month he gets to be his little-girl self all weekend, and I peg him because he likes to feel submissive and dirty. He knows that I worry—as someone who works with children—that it could get out and ruin my career, but I'm okay with all the play even if it's not my sexual cup of tea.

However, lately our va-nilla sex life is suffering. When it's playtime, he always wants to come in his diapers. When it's not playtime, he lies there like a lump. Now he's decided that he doesn't want to have sex unless it's playtime. The past three months, when I explained that I would like my turn, he came too quickly for me to have any enjoyment. I know he can hold off longer—he always does when in diapers—and I'm getting really frustrated.

He says he knows he's being selfish, but he's just not interested in regular sex. Then he cries and says he's a freak and he doesn't know why I stay with him. I'm very close to walking out and taking a break, even though I believe that marriage is for life. I don't know what to do. I've tried everything I can think of, even compromising the "my turn" rule by letting him whine and cry and pretend to be a baby during my turn.

I'm tired of my baby girl; I want my husband back.

Beyond Annoyed

My response after the jump...

It's rare these days that I'm shocked by an e-mail, BA, but your letter did it. Several hours have passed since I read it and, damn, I'm still shocked.

Let me be clear: I'm not shocked by the train wreck that is your husband's collection of kinks. I've seen worse. (Never done worse, though. When the guy I'm fucking cries, it's always a manly, adult sort of sobbing.) What shocks me is your husband's stupidity, coupled with his shortsightedness—both of which are being madly humped by his ingratitude.

Does your "baby girl" realize what he's got in you? The world is crawling—literally crawling—with adult babies who are alone and single and miserable and always will be. While the internet has made it possible for adult babies to find each other, a shared interest in nappies and nurseries doesn't guarantee compatibility. Plus, female adult babies are scarcer than folks who can read "my husband whines and cries and pretends to be a baby during sex" without hurling. Your husband should be doing everything in his power to keep you happy.

My advice: Take that break. Cut the brat off—no more baby games until he can successfully wrap his bonnet around this: Your pleasure matters as much as his does. He may not be interested in regular sex, but he better learn to fake it convincingly. And finally, BA, tell him that his continued failure to meet your vanilla needs is gonna get his diapered ass divorced, leaving him single and shit out of luck, sex-partner wise, for the rest of his adult infancy.

"Dump the honest foot fetishist," I warned a woman a few weeks ago, "and I guarantee that you will marry the dishonest necrophiliac." That's the Karmic Rule of Kink. But vanilla partners are not the only ones subject to KROK. For kinksters lucky enough to be with generous vanilla partners, your somewhat-less-pithy version of KROK goes like this: "Drive off an understanding, adventurous partner by failing to joyfully accommodate his or her desires for vanilla sex and you will NEVER get your kinky rocks off again without having to pay a pro $500 an hour to put up with your bullshit."

 

Comments (17) RSS

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1
Is this letter from Ann Romney?
Posted by Bloated Jesus is Bloated on November 16, 2012 at 11:44 AM · Report this
echochamber 2
Great advice to this fascinating letter! I so wish we had a follow up on this. I'd love to learn what has happened.
Posted by echochamber on November 16, 2012 at 11:55 AM · Report this
spaceapple 3
@1 This is an older letter. I think it's about Donald Trump
Posted by spaceapple on November 16, 2012 at 11:58 AM · Report this
4
@2: I'd bet $50 they're long divorced by now. A person can only put up with so much shit - even if it's in a diaper.

Gotta say, as much as I try to be kink-friendly, this is one I never even began to understand, and find distasteful enough that I'm not willing to try. You want to play Mommy or Daddy games, that's fine by me. But adult babies are in an entirely different time zone of weird. This guy should have thanked his lucky stars he found a woman willing to put up with his shenanigans, and should have found a shrink to help him deal with the fact it's the only way he could get off. And his unwillingness to do the same for her.
Posted by NateMan on November 16, 2012 at 12:02 PM · Report this
ScienceNerd 5
@3 + 1...
It is an old letter, but I'm fairly certain the Romneys have been married for more than 5 years.
Posted by ScienceNerd http://stanichium.tumblr.com/ on November 16, 2012 at 12:05 PM · Report this
RTam 6
@4 - I agree. There's a lot I'm willing to work with/around, but that particular kink is beyond my capabilities.

I'd REALLY love to know what happened with this one.
Posted by RTam on November 16, 2012 at 12:15 PM · Report this
very bad homo 7
Never marry an adult baby.
Posted by very bad homo on November 16, 2012 at 12:19 PM · Report this
8
@1 I love you!
Posted by freshnycman on November 16, 2012 at 12:37 PM · Report this
T 9
Wow, I remember reading this letter when it was first published. I can't believe that was almost 6 years ago.
Posted by T on November 16, 2012 at 12:40 PM · Report this
Hover Dog 10
The Karmic Rule of Kink - amazing. I love it.

Also, selfish lovers are selfish, regardless of kink (or lack thereof). People who aren't willing to step outside of their comfort/pleasure zone for their partner are simply bad partners.
Posted by Hover Dog on November 16, 2012 at 1:41 PM · Report this
Pope Peabrain 11
I read that title as "Diaper Pails". Ugh! Those were what you soaked baby diapers in before washing. Yes, we used to wash diapers! Better for the environment but hard on the nose.
Posted by Pope Peabrain on November 16, 2012 at 2:10 PM · Report this
12
I would have suggested putting all the furniture from the nursery in storage, painting the nursery walls a nice, light, corporate shade of gray, and setting up a home office, complete with a desk, phone, desktop computer, fax machine, a filing cabinet, and one of those six-foot-tall black halogen lamps you get at Ikea. And a plastic ficus tree.

Then tell him he's got six months to straighten out his sorry ass and start meeting YOUR needs, or you're renting out the office to your divorce lawyer.
Posted by Ivan on November 16, 2012 at 6:33 PM · Report this
13
@Ivan, your comment makes me wish Slog had a "like" button.
Posted by random_lez on November 16, 2012 at 10:22 PM · Report this
Y.F. Redux 14
I remember this one. She stays with him and gets pregnant and the father/husband becomes a useless jealous asshole because the new baby is taking all mommy's attention.
Posted by Y.F. Redux on November 17, 2012 at 4:59 PM · Report this
15
"becomes"?
Posted by Ivan on November 17, 2012 at 6:56 PM · Report this
Kevin_BGFH 16
Prudie recently did a column in which she had readers vote on which letters they wanted a follow-up to, and then she printed up the follow-up replies to the top two.

I think Dan could do something similar. We don't have to vote. He can just pick some of his own favorites, write back to the original email address and, if they respond and give permission, print how things turned out.

Bonus: a potentially low-effort way to do more Slog posts. Well, low effort for Dan. Might take an intern a little bit of slogging (ahem) through old emails to find the right ones for Dan to review, but if the original letter writers agree, the posts essentially write themselves.

I nominate this one, if it wasn't already obvious.
Posted by Kevin_BGFH http://biggayfrathouse.typepad.com/blog/ on November 18, 2012 at 2:27 PM · Report this
17
Good advice - as true now as it was six years ago!

This may be TMI, but I have many of the same kinks as BA's husband. (Many, not all.) Like him, I've found a wonderful partner who gladly accommodates my menagerie of odd fixations. Also, while I'm not into infantilism myself, I have a number of friends who are. Most of them are decent, responsible people who have built loving, successful relationships.

Coming from that perspective, let me echo what everyone else has said - this man is being an asshole.

Are these are hard fetishes to have? Sure. It sounds like this guy has suffered a lot of shame over his turn-ons, and that shame has done a number on his psyche. To some extent I can empathize. Remember, this is the kind of thing where a lot of people (even some kinky, open-minded people) look at you as subhuman. I've been there, it ain't fun, and it can indeed fuck you up.

Regardless, there's no excuse for the kind of appalling behavior BA describes. She sounds like an absolute saint - she moved mountains to make her husband feel whole, normal, sexy, and loved. When someone steps up to plate for you like that, guess what? YOU STEP UP FOR THEM. If you've got shame issues, fine - you work on them. Whatever it takes - therapy, introspection, willpower - you find a way to come through for your lover, even if it's hard. You do NOT take advantage of their generosity, refuse to meet their needs, and then play the "Waaah, I'm a freak!" card when they call you on it. That's cruel, self-centered bullshit.

I hope this dude either woke up or got dumped. He's not being an adult baby - he's just being a baby. And his wife deserves better.
Posted by Limbo on November 19, 2012 at 12:30 AM · Report this

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