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Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Savage Love SL Letter of the Day: Suing Over Sex Toys

Posted by Dan Savage on Tue, Nov 13, 2012 at 12:21 PM

I'm on hiatus while working on a manuscript for a new book. In the meantime, please enjoy these classic Savage Love letters pulled from previous columns. I will be back when the book is finished. —Dan

Originally published August 2, 2007:

I'm a 27-year-old lesbian, and my girlfriend of two years broke up with me. When I moved out, I left the sex toys I knew were hers and took the rest. The first night she was back after I left, she texted me to ask for specific toys back!

What should the etiquette be around sex toys when two women break up, especially when strong feelings are involved?

Babe In Toyless Land

My response after the jump...

Have two women ever broken up without strong feelings being involved?

The etiquette around the division of sex toys after a breakup is the same that applies to the division of any property post-breakup, BITL. The splitting couple has a tense discussion about divvying up their shared property; if an agreement can't be reached, they sue the shit out of each other. It would be foolish to sue an ex over a dusty collection of strap-ons and vibrators, of course, but exes have taken each other to court over dumber shit—custody of dogs, cats, kids, etc.

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Comments (9) RSS

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Oh, I remember this. This is a letter for which I'd love to see a follow-up.

Posted by Allyn on November 13, 2012 at 12:53 PM

Geeze, buy new ones.

Posted by very bad homo on November 13, 2012 at 1:01 PM

@2 I agree, but the costs can add up. A basic silicon toy starts at $80 - $100. It takes time and money to build up a collection. The alternative is probably-toxic cheap toys. So the issue of dividing toys should probably be done on an economic level -- try to estimate how much it all cost, and divvy it up on cost as much as possible. Maybe take turns picking toys until a dollar amount is reached.

Posted by wxPDX on November 13, 2012 at 2:51 PM

I guess they'd get dusty if they were washed and then not used, but if they were frequently used and washed, or infrequently used and then not washed, I don't think they'd get dusty.

Posted by Ivan on November 13, 2012 at 6:10 PM

LW's word choice is telling here, though I could be reading a little bit too much into it: "I left the sex toys I knew were hers and took the rest".

LW specifically only left the ones she knew -for sure- were her ex's, and (obviously) took the ones she knew -for sure- were her own, but also took all of the toys that fell in the middle category (in her head) of "maybe they're mine, maybe they're hers, maybe they were co-purchases".

With absconding with that entire middle category, it's no surprise that the LW's ex feels that some of the sex toys taken were hers - and that is giving LW the benefit of the doubt in her accuracy assigning those 3 categories.

Personally, I think we need King Solomon to come around threatening to cut the dildo in two.

Posted by Sathya on November 13, 2012 at 7:34 PM

Return the ones she asked for, clean, with a note - "Took them for one last ride; now they're all yours. Cheers!"

Posted by secretagent on November 13, 2012 at 7:48 PM

"I think we need King Solomon to come around threatening to cut the dildo in two."

Classic.

Posted by Suzy on November 13, 2012 at 8:47 PM

I think the breaker should graciously allow the breakee the benefit of the doubt. I wouldn't've had the Ben Wa balls to demand sex toys from the gal I just dumped. The dumper usually has someone in the wings, so the dumpee is gonna need them toys.

Posted by ggg on November 14, 2012 at 1:29 AM

@5 You the winner. Nuff said.

This truly one of the most cluelessly self-centered and pointless letters I've ever read here, and that's saying a lot.

Posted by The Beatles on November 14, 2012 at 10:38 AM