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Thursday, November 8, 2012

SL Letter of the Day: The Hole Truth

Posted by on Thu, Nov 8, 2012 at 2:00 PM

I'm on hiatus while working on a manuscript for a new book. In the meantime, please enjoy these classic Savage Love letters pulled from previous columns. I will be back when the book is finished. —Dan

Originally published June 28, 2007:

I have two vaginas. I'd had a number of routine pelvic exams with my old doctor, but she never discovered it. My new gyno, however, discovered my "atypical anatomy" right away last week. The anatomical specifics are irrelevant to my question—everything is fully functioning, sex isn't painful, and everything externally looks completely normal.

I'm a straight girl in my early 20s and I've only had one sex partner. Sex was great, and only occasionally did I have to take the guy's dick and redirect him to the "better" vagina. We were each other's firsts—at the time I figured the occasional readjustment was par for the course. I didn't find out about my two vaginas (sounds like a sitcom) until after the relationship ended.

My question: Is this something I need to reveal to new partners before sex? After? Ever?

Very Abnormal Girl

My response after the jump...

The anatomical specifics may not be relevant to your question, VAG, but I'm going to cover them for the sake of readers whose heads are exploding: VAG has what's called a "didelphic uterus." A female's reproductive bits develop in utero when two tubes, the Müllerian ducts, fuse together to form a unitary uterus. If those ducts fail to fuse during fetal development, a woman can wind up with two of everything—two vaginas, two cervices, two uteruses. A didelphic uterus isn't life threatening, but it can complicate pregnancy for obvious reasons.

Okay, VAG, on to your question: Are you obligated to disclose? Seeing as your condition went undetected by your first gynecologist (Dr. Magoo, I presume?), unnoticed by your first boyfriend, and places your future sex partners at no risk of physical or emotional trauma, you're under no obligation.

However, just because you're under no obligation to disclose, VAG, doesn't mean you shouldn't. This isn't something a guy wants to hear when he's down on one knee with a ring in his hand. ("Yes, honey, yes! And I have two vaginas.") But disclose too soon—before your first sexual encounter—and you risk scaring a guy off; disclose too late—after you've been having sex for a while—and you risk humiliating a guy, e.g., most men like to think they would notice that the woman they're sleeping with has two vaginas. Even if, of course, most guys wouldn't.

What you need is a rule of thumb: If I had two vaginas, I would disclose at month three. But I don't have two vaginas, VAG, you do, and you'll have to pick the time that feels right for you.


Comments (15) RSS

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Good luck finishing the book!!
Posted by wxPDX on November 8, 2012 at 2:07 PM · Report this
NotSean 2
Eeny meeny miney moe.
Posted by NotSean on November 8, 2012 at 2:13 PM · Report this
Matt the Engineer 3
(waits patiently for a proper "2 dicks" comment)
Posted by Matt the Engineer on November 8, 2012 at 2:20 PM · Report this
singing cynic 4
I know this is an old letter. But isn't it the kind of thing that could come up somewhat naturally, during the "how do you like to be touched/what gets you off" conversation? I mean, everyone has that fairly early (definitely earlier than three months) right?
Posted by singing cynic on November 8, 2012 at 2:29 PM · Report this
Noadi 5
Yeah, I think think should come up earlier than 3 months (depending on how soon into a relationship you have sex). Ideally around the time you start having PIV and are exploring each others bodies, and present it as an interesting quirk of your body and not a big deal and it won't be one.
Posted by Noadi on November 8, 2012 at 3:04 PM · Report this

Wouldn't most guys find this insanely hot? Because of the obvious double, in fact triple penetration possibilities?

Posted by Velvetbabe on November 8, 2012 at 3:48 PM · Report this
I would find it hot and fascinating.
Posted by garumph on November 8, 2012 at 3:51 PM · Report this
college dude from madison 8
A wonderful couple did a hilarious AMA about their experience with this on Reddit about this recently. Fucking great stuff.

I would disclose after intercourse #1, after he's seen that you're totally functional and that nothing seems out of place. Might be a little mind-blowing for pillow talk, but a "hey, by the way..." would fit in pretty easily (hehe, fit in)
Posted by college dude from madison on November 8, 2012 at 4:05 PM · Report this
mr. herriman 9
My old best friend had this! She didn't know until she was like 20. She wasn't bothered by it, but she was fascinated. And it answered the question that had been bugging her forever - why tampons seemed to work so well for everyone else but not for her ;)

Far as I know she never bothered to disclose to casual partners, only boyfriends, and none of them freaked out.
Posted by mr. herriman on November 8, 2012 at 5:36 PM · Report this
rob! 10
Uhhhh.... two thumbs up—way up (consensually, of course)??
Posted by rob! on November 8, 2012 at 6:06 PM · Report this
I want someone to compose and perform a theme song for the new sitcom My Two Vaginas and post it on YouTube. I'm thinking something that tells a story, like for Green Acres or The Brady Bunch. If someone does that, I'll die a happy man.
Posted by PCM on November 8, 2012 at 8:16 PM · Report this
TVDinner 12
My friend had two uteruses, and she didn't find out about that until she got pregnant in the one that wasn't fully functional. It's fair to say that was a nightmare.
Posted by TVDinner http:// on November 8, 2012 at 9:15 PM · Report this
CharlesF 13
I disagree with Dan and agree with #13. If this means she has an issue with fertility, then I think she should put "I have risks with infertility" on her online dating page. This isn't something that is really fair to spring on somebody who might have their own plans, especially if they've assumed your normal and invested a lot of time in you.
Posted by CharlesF on November 9, 2012 at 7:11 AM · Report this
@13: disclose this to people before you even meet them? how is that called for? jesus, no--you have this convo when the discussion of future family plans comes up. and how well have you thought this thru, now i think of it? two vaginas does not imply fertility problems. when did she ever indicate that? the baby comes out one or the other of them, and if that's a problem with that scenario, there's this thing we've safely had for decades now called a "caesarian section," duh.
Posted by ellarosa on November 9, 2012 at 9:37 AM · Report this
I dunno, but if it were me I'd bet on the guys who'll think it's hot and disclose, like @8 said, after intercourse #1.

It makes sense, since she wrote this letter just after finding out and is probably still processing the news, that she's contextualizing this as a liability. But this is just as easily viewed as a total asset, and you'd think Dan would have pointed that out. Hot damn.
Posted by Shannon Murphy on November 9, 2012 at 11:07 AM · Report this

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