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Friday, November 2, 2012

The Apology Tour Starts Here

Posted by on Fri, Nov 2, 2012 at 1:52 PM

(This is a piece I wrote for prairie dog, an alternative weekly up in Canada.)

People of Saskatchewan, I am so sorry. I’m a proud citizen of the United States, but I’d like to formally apologize to all of you for the electoral spectacle that you’ve been forced to watch for the last two years. As political correspondent for Seattle alternative weekly The Stranger, I’ve followed Mitt Romney and President Barack Obama all around my country. I’ve even shaken Romney’s hand at a rally. (In case you’re curious, he’s got a creepily efficient handshake: exactly two and a half swift pumps accompanied by a simulacrum of eye contact and a hollow smile, as though a scientist spent decades perfecting the most average handshake imaginable.) I’m a political junkie, a presidential history buff and I desperately love my job, but even I’m disgusted by the America I’ve seen.

It’s easy to fall prey to the belief that all Americans are racists who’ll hang Obama in effigy on their lawns, or monstrous shambles of men who claim with alarming sangfroid that rape isn’t really that bad, or gun-worshipping ghouls who believe that God is a little bearded man who perches on their shoulders and whispers homophobic, anti-science rants into their ears. And you probably believe we Americans all vote against our own financial interests — affordable health care, higher taxes on the wealthy, laws to protect us from corporate greed — because we harbor the illusion that we’re just one lottery ticket away from becoming spiteful billionaire slave-drivers ourselves. But that’s not true. Only about half of us are like this...

(Keep reading.)

 

Comments (7) RSS

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7
It must be so awesome in Canada that there are no rightwing racist redneck bigots with guns.
Posted by tkc on November 2, 2012 at 6:08 PM · Report this
6
What @1 said.

Also, you do realize that both of your parties are far, far to the right of even our Conservatives, yes? And this whole thing really is kind of 'a pox upon both your houses' situation from here?
Posted by Cow on November 2, 2012 at 5:56 PM · Report this
Puty 5
Regina rhymes with "vagina". Really. Thought you'd all want to know.
Posted by Puty on November 2, 2012 at 5:53 PM · Report this
ScienceNerd 4
I like it. I posted it on Facebook as an apology to all my non-American friends who are subjected daily to my angry political rants.
Posted by ScienceNerd http://stanichium.tumblr.com/ on November 2, 2012 at 2:51 PM · Report this
ArtBasketSara 3
Hey! I demand an apology too. I was innocently watching a television station for the sake of novelty and nostalgia...and before I realized it I was subjected to a Rob McKenna campaign commercial!

And after I was like all "That guy actually exists!"...I screamed, hit mute and hugged myself in horror.
Posted by ArtBasketSara on November 2, 2012 at 2:31 PM · Report this
2
I apologize for 50% of Americans giggling at Prairie Dog Magazine's motto "Regina's Independent Voice". 50% of us wonder if its reporters do much investigating of Regina's slimy elected orificials.

Again, I apologize.
Posted by gloomy gus on November 2, 2012 at 2:22 PM · Report this
Cato the Younger Younger 1
You realize you've been adding more than your fair share of shitty coverage and pointless issues into this political nightmare as well, right?

For every thoughtful post you put up on slog you add about two dozen that are nothing more than throwing your shit around a padded room to see what sticks.
Posted by Cato the Younger Younger on November 2, 2012 at 2:16 PM · Report this

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