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Monday, October 15, 2012

Which Is Worse?: Eating Cupcakes or French Fries With a Fork?

Posted by on Mon, Oct 15, 2012 at 3:26 PM

Fork this.
  • highviews/Shutterstock
  • Fork this.
An unsoothable rage builds up in the pit of my core when I witness a person eating a cupcake with a fork. Why would you do this? Are you afraid of getting frosting on your fingers? Lick them off! Do you think the sugar will burn your skin like acid? It will not!

It is a cupcake, not a piece of cake—you already have to touch it in order to get the wrapper off, so just EAT IT WITH YOUR HANDS. You can wash them afterwards. You can wash them before you touch the cupcake. It's perfectly sanitary, I promise.

Earlier today I was reminded of an equally upsetting crime: Eating French fries with a fork. Again: WHY? Who are you trying to impress with your overly vigilant table manners?

Now I can't decide which makes me more crazy—watching someone eat a cupcake with a fork or watching someone eat fries* with a fork. Neither is cool. But which is worse?

*I am referring to plain French fries, naked (or lightly seasoned) and ready to be dipped in any condiments you desire. Chili cheese fries, poutine, and/or any other smothered fry combinations are exempt.


Comments (62) RSS

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Posted by r.chops on October 15, 2012 at 3:33 PM · Report this
reverend dr dj riz 2
yes i do both.. what ? and i also cut up my apples with a knife and drink my dranks with a straw.. what ? ..WHAT ?
Posted by reverend dr dj riz on October 15, 2012 at 3:34 PM · Report this
MacCrocodile 3
I find the cupcake more offensive, since it is designed specifically to be eaten with one's hands. It is a version of cake for convenience. By introducing flatware, the entire purpose of convenience is undermined.
Posted by MacCrocodile on October 15, 2012 at 3:36 PM · Report this
reverend dr dj riz 4
@3 yeah .. well.. these days cupcakes got so much shit on top of em and inside em..that i end up wearing most of it if i don't divide, slice and conquer.. french fries ?.. i do it mostly just to piss peoples off...
Posted by reverend dr dj riz on October 15, 2012 at 3:39 PM · Report this
seatackled 5

All that shit on top is why I don't even bother with cupcakes.

If you're eating fries with your hands, you might as well just lick that bottle of ketchup you find at your dinner booth.
Posted by seatackled on October 15, 2012 at 3:45 PM · Report this
Will in Seattle 6
People who eat ties with a fork are sick.

Remember, Americans invented the fork - before that the European savages used to only use knives and wooden spoons.

Filthy buggers.

oh, and dip the cupcake in the poutine with your fork before you eat it.
Posted by Will in Seattle on October 15, 2012 at 3:45 PM · Report this
Hernandez 7
Neither is desirable, but using a fork for "naked" french fries edges out using a fork for a cupcake. I've been given cupcakes that have like 3 inches of frosting coming off the top. That is unwieldy to eat by hand - frosting on the fingers is one thing, frosting all over face/shirt/shoes/floor is another. So yeah, I've used a fork for a cupcake before. But fries? You gotta be kidding...
Posted by Hernandez on October 15, 2012 at 3:51 PM · Report this
Wait...why would anyone get pissed at someone eating fries with a fork? Is Slog just so used to getting riled up at politicians, NOM and folks that don't respect bike lanes that now we're ready to be pissed off at anything and everything?

So this is what it's come to. Slog, you used to be cool, man.
Posted by Bonzer Terriffic on October 15, 2012 at 3:53 PM · Report this
ScienceNerd 9
I know a lot of people who get upset about eating pizza with a fork... I say that if your pizza doesn't require a fork, it isn't proper pizza.
Posted by ScienceNerd on October 15, 2012 at 3:56 PM · Report this
Cupcake: sometimes fellas with facial hair don't like getting 2" of frosting embedded in it. Fries: I don't like having greasy fingers. Why should this bother you?
Posted by pox on October 15, 2012 at 3:57 PM · Report this
Megan Seling 11
@8 I blame the weather. Here's a picture of a baby wombat in a top hat with a monocle and mustache to make you feel better:
Posted by Megan Seling on October 15, 2012 at 3:58 PM · Report this
MacCrocodile 12
@6 - I don't know where you get your information, but the fork goes way back. It's really hard to make shit up when people can fact check you in an instant, you might as well fact check yourself first.…

Hell, there's even a wonderful scene in Becket, where King Henry II and Thomas Becket debate the merits of the dinner fork. Both were dead long before Europeans settled in the Americas. Sure, movies aren't exactly bastions of historical accuracy, but any opportunity to call you stupid...
Posted by MacCrocodile on October 15, 2012 at 3:59 PM · Report this
blip 13
I have eaten fries with a fork on more than one occasion. I don't recall the specifics but it was most likely due to cleanliness or convenience. If you already have a fork in your hand and you want a fry, you eat the damn thing with a fork.

Also: the judges on Cupcake Wars eat their cupcakes with forks. These people are cupcake professionals. So, there's that.

Also also: please stop giving a fuck how other people eat things.
Posted by blip on October 15, 2012 at 4:02 PM · Report this
Hernandez 14
@8 I recall some nice comment shitstorms on this blog regarding the appropriateness of putting ketchup on a hot dog. Sometimes it's fun to argue stupid food things on the internet!

(FWIW, if you like to eat fries with a fork, believe me, in reality I harbor no hard feelings toward you or anyone else who chooses to do so.)
Posted by Hernandez on October 15, 2012 at 4:05 PM · Report this
dnt trust me 15
you can do better than the crap Wikipedia page for Beckett. I want the fork scene! Now get your search engine going and go find a youtube clip with that scene. If there's none, film yourself reading the scene, costumes and all. Sheesh. Wikipedia, big fucking deal. Deliver something rich!
Posted by dnt trust me on October 15, 2012 at 4:07 PM · Report this
Will in Seattle 16
@12 no, that's a serving fork.

Large communal wooden forks were used by many societies, especially Thai and Pacific Islanders, and to a lesser extent Native Americans.

I said American. I didn't say "during the Occupation By White People".
Posted by Will in Seattle on October 15, 2012 at 4:09 PM · Report this
Will in Seattle 17
@14 Chipotle sauce on a hotdog is yummy. But I prefer doing it on a kielbasa myself.
Posted by Will in Seattle on October 15, 2012 at 4:10 PM · Report this
I concur with 10 - I have a goatee, and do not like frosting in my moustache. So I do eat cupcakes with a fork if I have the possibility.

Megan, If that bothers you so badly, look away. I'm not going to change that just for you.
Posted by TJ on October 15, 2012 at 4:11 PM · Report this
sikandro 19
I eat fries with a fork if I'm going to be touching a book or paper, or something that will soak the oil and that can't be washed (as in, isn't clothing.) I'd be pretty irritated to be stuck on a car trip with greasy fingers. Or, sometimes, if getting to a bathroom is going to be inconvenient, or if I'm going to be shaking a lot of hands, etc etc.
Posted by sikandro on October 15, 2012 at 4:14 PM · Report this
ScrawnyKayaker 20
Fries may be drenched with enough slimy condiment that touching them is unacceptable.
Posted by ScrawnyKayaker on October 15, 2012 at 4:16 PM · Report this
@ 8 & 11, I blame the hockey lockout. If the season had started as it was supposed to, we could have been working out our aggression by yelling at the hockey refs, the other team, the fight, the bad play, etc... Now we need to find something else to yell about.
Posted by SeattleKim on October 15, 2012 at 4:21 PM · Report this
Simone 22
I've eaten both fries (chips) and cupcakes with forks and I'm not ashamed at all. Most of the time I like to have a little frosting with every bite and that can't be done without a fork. My mouth isn't that big and can't take an entire bite out of a cupcake.

Oh, and I have never eaten chinese noodles/rice/food/takeout with chopsticks. Never have, never will. I try to find the scenes in movies/tv where a person has chinese food and they always are eating with chopsticks.
Posted by Simone on October 15, 2012 at 4:21 PM · Report this
MacCrocodile 23
@16 - Christ, Will. You can't even take information when it's handed to you. The article describes individual table forks used by ancient Romans and others.

@15 - I was at work, and now I'm on my phone, but once I'm on my computer at home, I'll find it.
Posted by MacCrocodile on October 15, 2012 at 4:22 PM · Report this
very bad homo 24
I sometimes use a fork for cupcakes, when they have 2 inches of frosting on the top. My mouth is not that huge, ok?
Posted by very bad homo on October 15, 2012 at 4:23 PM · Report this
Megan Seling 25
@21 YES! Stupid rain. Stupid lockout. I can't help but get angry at inconsequential things.
Posted by Megan Seling on October 15, 2012 at 4:26 PM · Report this
dnt trust me 26
I'm sure your employers are proud of your Slog time. Keep up the good work. Just don't come to me looking for a job. But really, why would you, sounds like it's cushy where your at.
Posted by dnt trust me on October 15, 2012 at 4:28 PM · Report this
treacle 27
Americans are super weird about when to use flatware and when not. Not to mention switching the knife & fork hands constantly. The rules governing which foods to eat with a fork and which not are completely arbitrary. Foreigners coming here are often very unclear which is which.

Eat however the fuck you want. Get over it.
Posted by treacle on October 15, 2012 at 4:33 PM · Report this
treacle 28
Fuck, I'll eat potato chips with chopsticks.
Super convenient.
Suck it, "arbitrary cultural norms"
Posted by treacle on October 15, 2012 at 4:36 PM · Report this
Hernandez 29
@26 Says one prolific commenter to another...
Posted by Hernandez on October 15, 2012 at 4:45 PM · Report this
dnt trust me 30
i get the hint. my addictive brain is a struggle. i went cold turkey last week for 4 days! this comment will be my last for five or more. thanks. (unless McCroc hits a nerve in the meantime. i think i've found a new nemesis in him)
Posted by dnt trust me on October 15, 2012 at 4:52 PM · Report this
keshmeshi 31

I like eating salad with chopsticks. Those greens in a salad mix are too delicate to spear with a fork and pushing them onto a fork means that most fall off during the trip to my mouth. Chopsticks are just about the perfect tool.
Posted by keshmeshi on October 15, 2012 at 4:58 PM · Report this
For cupcakes, today's cupcakes are quite large. I like to take a knife and quarter it. Then I can get the full cupcake experience of frosting and filling. I also prefer to share a cupcake, if it's one of the large ones, and so cutting it seems reasonable. I realize that this looks weird, but I don't care, I delight in how not messy it is. NB, for the minicupcakes (Cupcake Royale has them, for example), I will happily just use my hand(s). Those are two-biters.

For fries, ok, I am a clean-hands person to begin with. Even if I DO use my hands, I prefer to just use one hand, and that way the other hand will always be free of grease and other food. I will use two if I know that I will have absolutely nothing I need to touch before I have a chance to wash them. Usually that's not the case, because I drink water constantly, and a water glass covered in oil and such is just so disgusting to me. So there you go. If I am in a mood to not want to be annoyed with even just one oily set of fingers, or if I know that I will be touching something that requires two hands, then I might use a fork for fries. It's kinda fun. I'm sorry that it disturbs you so much. :(
Posted by hereiswheremynamegoes on October 15, 2012 at 4:59 PM · Report this
Donte Parks 33
How to eat a cupcake like a gentleman:…
Posted by Donte Parks on October 15, 2012 at 5:05 PM · Report this
Supreme Ruler Of The Universe 34
Obviously you've never been served french fries at Nathan's in the famous green cup with the little two pronged wooden fork.

Posted by Supreme Ruler Of The Universe on October 15, 2012 at 5:08 PM · Report this
MacCrocodile 35
@30 - I'm not worth it. Take however much time off you need. Then double it. Make sure you're good and rested before you come back.
Posted by MacCrocodile on October 15, 2012 at 5:18 PM · Report this
Will in Seattle 36
@31 me too. When I buy thai or chinese food I get salad along with it, so I eat it all with chopsticks.

Remember, if eating meat raw off the bone was good enough for our ancestors, it's good enough for us!
Posted by Will in Seattle on October 15, 2012 at 5:33 PM · Report this
Cupcakes are not mini cakes anymore. When was the last time you saw a cake that had frosting piled as high as the actual cake? Also, we have a shitload of cupcake cafes- do you know of any cake cafes?
I dont resent people whom use a fork for eating french fries. I resent people whom order fries with a steak. Really? Order fucking fish and chips instead...then consume both with a fork.
Posted by pussnboots on October 15, 2012 at 5:52 PM · Report this
btw, sushi is always a finger food in japan.
Posted by pussnboots on October 15, 2012 at 5:54 PM · Report this
keshmeshi 39

Steak frites is a popular menu choice in France. Are you going to sneer at the frogs for being culinary philistines?
Posted by keshmeshi on October 15, 2012 at 6:03 PM · Report this
Free Lunch 40
If each french fry was covered with four times its weight in ketchup (like today's cupcakes are in frosting), I'd use a fork.

I don't know what happened to cupcakes. The target market now seems to be those who otherwise would eat frosting straight from the tube. I stopped eating cupcakes when the cake became merely a delivery medium for an inch-high slab of sugared fat.
Posted by Free Lunch on October 15, 2012 at 6:18 PM · Report this
Now I know why my grandmother never served cupcakes or French fries: neither one could be eaten with a fork. This was a woman who used a fork and knife on oranges and even bananas. The only thing I ever saw her eat with her fingers were little tea sandwiches.
Posted by Prettybetsy on October 15, 2012 at 6:28 PM · Report this
@39 "The frogs"?! Goodness... (If we are going to call them frogs, we could say we're salamanders living on the other side of the pond.)

I'll also add my vote to the forks-are-okay camp, even with the French fries. What I can't understand is using mayo on fries, as explained by Vincent Vega of Pulp Fiction. Never been to Europe, so I couldn't tell you myself.
Posted by floater on October 15, 2012 at 6:30 PM · Report this
eating food with ones fingers is so Tea Party.
Posted by bluer is better on October 15, 2012 at 6:36 PM · Report this
Fries should be taken with lashings of mayonnaise, and you people should learn how to eat with a fork AND KNIFE. It took me a year to learn how to cut with a fork.........
Posted by Foonken2 on October 15, 2012 at 6:43 PM · Report this
Now I'm hungry.
Posted by dirge on October 15, 2012 at 7:06 PM · Report this
With my prominent proboscis, it is not sugary fingers but a frosting-y nose that I fear. I'll eat little homemade cupcakes by hand, but for giant cupcakes I prefer a fork.
Posted by ridia on October 15, 2012 at 7:11 PM · Report this
I don't get offended by a person's choice in eating utensils unless it's something like barehands and spaghetti at my table.

Eat everything with a fork for all I care. Eat tomato soup with one. I dare you.
Posted by Lifestyle Expert on October 15, 2012 at 9:37 PM · Report this
Sargon Bighorn 48
GAWD I bet none of you low life scum know which hand to hold the fork in whilst eating said Cup cake or French fry. Please first things first!
Posted by Sargon Bighorn on October 15, 2012 at 9:39 PM · Report this
I eat these things with my fingers, but I would never presume to judge someone for eating them with a fork. After all, maybe they don't want to get their hands sticky or greasy, and perhaps they fear that their hands are not clean enough to handle food directly without creating a disease risk. There are all kinds of perfectly legitimate and reasonable reasons a person might choose to eat finger food with a fork. Live and let live, I say.
Posted by I have always been... east coaster on October 15, 2012 at 10:18 PM · Report this
LEE. 50
fifty comments and not even a passing reference to this:…

you should all be ashamed of yourselves. both for overlooking such a hilarious reference and people defending the french fries with a fork thing. cupcakes, especially today's cupcakes, make sense. eating fries with a fork is just prissy, weird, and reminds me that half of you are germophobes who have outed yourselves in other threads. one day humans will be dead and couches will be covered in plastic. plastic that cockroaches will be crawling on.

...that said, do whatever you want, weirdos.

lastly, @38, yes. I understand maybe using chopsticks for rolls, but any sushi nigiri just kind of collapses when you try to eat it with them. unless you shovel the whole piece in your mouth, which if the sushi is worth a damn, you shouldn't be doing.
Posted by LEE. on October 15, 2012 at 11:07 PM · Report this
Christampa 51
@50 - Yes LEE, except for the very first post in the thread.
Posted by Christampa on October 15, 2012 at 11:22 PM · Report this
LEE. 52

my shame is immortalized on the internet... what else is new? you still haven't told us where you stand on this issue, Chris.
Posted by LEE. on October 15, 2012 at 11:34 PM · Report this
Theodore Gorath 53
I love it when people complain about posts like this.

It is a BLOG and internet space is effectively INFINITE. It is not the front page of a newspaper for heaven's sake.

Not to mention, it has over 50 comments, when deeper political posts usually get around 20. So who it making posts like this popular anyway?
Posted by Theodore Gorath on October 16, 2012 at 6:13 AM · Report this
Allyn 54
I have eczema and often have deep cracks on my fingertips. Eating french fries with bare fingers grinds salt into my open cuts. I don't generally eat french fries but if I were to eat french fries and there was a fork around, I would use it.

Posted by Allyn on October 16, 2012 at 7:13 AM · Report this
Rob in Baltimore 55
Don't eat fries or cupcakes, with or without a fork.
Posted by Rob in Baltimore on October 16, 2012 at 8:15 AM · Report this
FYI: In Belgium, where "French fries" we're invented, they come with little forks (or sometimes toothpicks) so that you don't have to touch them with your fingers. So I think it's rather provincial and ignorant to declare eating them with forks to be in any way a bad thing.
Posted by Ian128K on October 16, 2012 at 8:36 AM · Report this
The poll is missing an option. What about those of us who think that YOU are obnoxious for giving such a damn about how people choose to eat foods?
Posted by suddenlyorcas on October 16, 2012 at 9:02 AM · Report this
@50 - every chip shop in Britain offers you either a little wooden spear or a plastic fork with which to eat your fries. Why? Because it's not pleasant, or hygienic, to cover your fingers with grease, salt and vinegar (let alone brown sauce or curry) when you're out and about.

I wouldn't eat fries any other way. If I can't eat the cupcake, from frosting top to bottom, without unhinging my jaw like a python, you better believe I'ma eat that fucker with a fork, as well.
Posted by johnjjeeves on October 16, 2012 at 11:55 AM · Report this
Mike 59
Mac @3: "I find the cupcake more offensive, since it is designed specifically to be eaten with one's hands."

Designed to be eaten with one's hands? Either you and I have very different ideas about what "design" is, or you know some terrible designers. The closest thing I've seen to cupcakes designed to be eaten with hands are, perhaps not coincidentally, Megan Seling's mini-cupcakes (baked around mini-deliciousness to boot).

LEE. @50: "eating fries with a fork is just prissy, weird, and reminds me that half of you are germophobes who have outed yourselves in other threads."

It has nothing to do with germs. I don't want to get fry grease on my clothes, my face, my phone screen, my keys, or my glasses. I definitely don't want later to touch any of those things with clean hands and then get another dose of fry grease from the new reservoir that was created when I first touched those things with greasy fingers. Sure, I could wash my hands after eating fries, and spend an unnecessary few minutes in some soulless, unpleasant public bathroom, or I could just eat the fries with a fork, which takes no more time than eating with hands, and spare myself the trip to the bathroom (and also not feel compelled to avoid touching my clothes, face, phone, etc. for the duration of my meal).

Although it suddenly now has a second purpose: infuriating people who are so petty, so bare of genuine problems that they give a damn how other people transfer french fries from plates to mouths.
Posted by Mike on October 16, 2012 at 1:14 PM · Report this
LEE. 60

I don't actually care. honestly, this is nothing I've given much thought to up until this thread was posted. while it doesn't have anything to do with germs directly, it does speak to people's petty hangups about a temporary inconvenience and unwillingness to accept the world as a filth place that might rub off on them. I guess it just seems incredibly bourgeois to me, which isn't necessarily a good or a bad thing. your reluctance to take a minute and a half out of your day to wash your hands after eating is way more interesting to me than how you eat something.
Posted by LEE. on October 16, 2012 at 5:40 PM · Report this
Eating cupcake is just plain offensive, fork or no fork. Eat a real cake, damn you.
Posted by Feck off, cupcake on October 17, 2012 at 2:45 AM · Report this
Mike 62
Oh, then I'm sure you wouldn't mind eating soup with your hands. The distinction between finger food and utensil food is arbitrary, and acting like it's not is ridiculous.
Posted by Mike on October 18, 2012 at 11:09 AM · Report this

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