by Dan Savage
on Wed, Oct 10, 2012 at 2:00 PM
I'm on hiatus while working on a manuscript for a new book. In the meantime, please enjoy these classic Savage Love letters pulled from previous columns. I will be back November 1st, when the book is finished. —Dan
I'm a 20-year-old girl, and I've been dating my boyfriend, who is 23, for two years. From the get-go, he has known that I am bi, and like most straight guys, he's happy to be with a girl who likes girls.
The thing is, I am too shy to go out and hit on a girl. Getting a man was the easy part, but getting a girl who is willing to fuck around not only with me but also with my boyfriend is a daunting task. I encourage my boyfriend to talk to women since he is good eye candy. But I get kinda sorta jealous when he actually goes and talks to other women. It's a weird game that gives me a headache. All I want is to satisfy my cravings for a woman—is that too much to ask? Am I just being selfish? Why can't girls just appear in my bedroom?
Crazy About Girls Eternally
My response after the jump...
Because you're not Logan, CAGE, and there's no such thing as the Circuit (www.tinyurl.com/cfj89d)—not yet, anyway, even if the internet kinda sorta comes close.
If watching your boyfriend hit on girls—ostensibly on your behalf—gives you a headache and makes you jealous, then you're going to have to learn to hit on girls yourself, CAGE, either in person or online. And you might have more success landing a willing bisexual girl—a girl who's interested in you and your boyfriend—if you made the passes.
Nice, sexually adventurous girls approached by 23-year-old pieces of male eye candy about two-girls/one-guy threesomes will assume that it's about Eye Candy's fantasies, not the girlfriend's. And if you're hanging back, looking uncomfortable, jealous, and headachy, even a girl who might be up for a threesome is going to read reluctance into your demeanor, presume your boyfriend is pressuring you, and politely decline. Or she's going to think you have the swine flu and decline.
If you want pussy, CAGE, you'll have to take the lead. Remember: It's okay to be geeky and inept and awkward when you're hitting on someone; some people think it's cute, and smooth is overrated when it comes to making passes. (Your boyfriend sounds pretty smooth—what has it gotten you?) Practice a few cheesy lines, something direct and truthful, something along the lines of, "We think you're really hot, and we've always wanted to have a threesome"—and just blurt it out at the next pretty, flirty girl who crosses your paths. If you can't do that, post personal ads online and flirt via e-mail. There are a lot of couples online looking for thirds, CAGE, and you'll increase your odds of success if you offer to be a couple's third in exchange for the woman in the couple taking a turn as the third for you and your boyfriend.
Of course, that might make your boyfriend jealous—but it's his turn, right?