Slog
News & ArtsMonday, October 8, 2012
LGBTQITSLFA It Gets Better: A Survivor of "Reparative Therapy" Speaks Out
Posted by Dan Savage on Mon, Oct 8, 2012 at 8:34 AM
A really moving contribution to the "It Gets Better" Project...
Via Towleroad.
2
Sorry but this person is really dumb, it doesn't take a lot to know you are indulging quackery. And Just utter laziness to not even point his father to official information.
There was internet and google then...it boggles the mind how people can be so dumb and lazy.
There was internet and google then...it boggles the mind how people can be so dumb and lazy.
4
Thanks, Matt's story hits home for me and gives me a little more hope.
During my senior year at high school my parents sent me to a place that did not specialize in "reparative therapy". They were scared and instead sent me to a school for troubled teens called the Utah Boy's Ranch. It was like prison (most kids there had been court ordered to attend) and I had to attend classes for "sexual deviants". I was the only one in the groups that was gay, most had had improper relations with younger kids.
Just attending the class meant that I was one of the worst people there (much the same in that pedophiles are considered the lowest rung in prison.) I was there for 10 months and it put me back in the closet for another 7 years.
Up to this point I had been a pretty good kid, great grades, editor in chief of the school newspaper, FCCLA President, good SAT scores. I had hopes of getting out of Utah for college, but this made it so I could barely get into college and I'm still in Utah 8 years later.
Maybe someday soon I'll feel confident enough to do one of these videos, but I'm still pretty bitter about things.
During my senior year at high school my parents sent me to a place that did not specialize in "reparative therapy". They were scared and instead sent me to a school for troubled teens called the Utah Boy's Ranch. It was like prison (most kids there had been court ordered to attend) and I had to attend classes for "sexual deviants". I was the only one in the groups that was gay, most had had improper relations with younger kids.
Just attending the class meant that I was one of the worst people there (much the same in that pedophiles are considered the lowest rung in prison.) I was there for 10 months and it put me back in the closet for another 7 years.
Up to this point I had been a pretty good kid, great grades, editor in chief of the school newspaper, FCCLA President, good SAT scores. I had hopes of getting out of Utah for college, but this made it so I could barely get into college and I'm still in Utah 8 years later.
Maybe someday soon I'll feel confident enough to do one of these videos, but I'm still pretty bitter about things.
5
I don't think it got much if any coverage on Slog, but California's governor recently signed a bill that will end forced "reparative therapy" for minors next Jan. 1.
"Bans," say most of the headlines; I prefer the word "outlaws."
"Bans," say most of the headlines; I prefer the word "outlaws."
7
@4 (Pick1): I'm so sorry that you had to endure that. I'm glad you persevered. Life gets better and you'll get stronger. You'll get out of Utah yet.
8
Poor guy.
Everyone knows that
NO ONE has EVER walked back
from claiming they were homosexual.
And 11 or 12 year olds
who decide they are Gay
ARE FUCKING GAY!
so accept it,
assholes.
When will people learn that homosexuality
is like the Hotel California?
You can check out anytime you like.
But you can never leave.......
Everyone knows that
NO ONE has EVER walked back
from claiming they were homosexual.
And 11 or 12 year olds
who decide they are Gay
ARE FUCKING GAY!
so accept it,
assholes.
When will people learn that homosexuality
is like the Hotel California?
You can check out anytime you like.
But you can never leave.......
9
@6, you won the Text category of the race! The bill was signed by Jerry Brown but created and shepherded through the legislature by state Sen. Ted Lieu, a Georgetown Law grad. Far fucking out.
http://sd28.senate.ca.gov/news/2012-10-0…
http://sd28.senate.ca.gov/news/2012-10-0…
10
@4: You have every reason to feel bitter. That's a rational response to the completely irrational way you were treated. Come to Seattle.
12
@4, the parents of a close high school friend of mine sent him to the Utah Boys Ranch too. I hate that place with all my heart. He barely made it out alive. He is now a practicing therapist and a successful person, but it was an awfully long and hard fight to get to that place. I still live in Utah, but I escaped Provo and Utah County, and now live in downtown SLC. As much as I hate the social climates of the surrounding outlying communities, I love this town. You'll get out someday, don't give up on that, but until you, get downtown. You're loved here.
13
@2
You're the dumb fuck. When you're looking for a certain solution to a "problem" and someone claims to provide it, naturally you're going to tune out everything else and believe in that one solution. Because you want it so bad. See, that's how human beings work, fuck face, it has nothing to do with "laziness." Idiot.
You're the dumb fuck. When you're looking for a certain solution to a "problem" and someone claims to provide it, naturally you're going to tune out everything else and believe in that one solution. Because you want it so bad. See, that's how human beings work, fuck face, it has nothing to do with "laziness." Idiot.
14
@13 You are an idiot.
If every reputable organization says one thing and you do the opposite it means you lack basic reasoning skills.
If every reputable organization says one thing and you do the opposite it means you lack basic reasoning skills.
15
My heart breaks for Pick1 @4. How horrible to be placed in such a hellish position by the very people who were supposed to love and protect you! I don't blame you for filling bitter, Pick1, it is a perfectly normal reaction. But why allow those 10 months, however awful, to ruin the rest of your life? Get out of Utah to a place where you can find a legitimate therapist who can get you over the hurt. Life only gets better if you let go of the past and look into the future.
16
@14 As someone from a similar situation as the man in the video, I do have to mirror @13’s “fuck you”. At sixteen I barely understood sexuality in general, much less the research to know that homosexuality can’t be cured.
I desperately wanted to be normal, and I desperately wanted for my parents to love me. Is it sad that parents will feel ashamed of you for something you can’t change? Yes. But blaming the 16 year old and calling him dumb makes you an asshole.
I desperately wanted to be normal, and I desperately wanted for my parents to love me. Is it sad that parents will feel ashamed of you for something you can’t change? Yes. But blaming the 16 year old and calling him dumb makes you an asshole.
18
There is an ad popping up here lately from NOM that says "should OBAMA FORCE homosexual marriage on everyone?"
I understand that revenue is revenue, but do you think it is a good idea to advertise the organization that is attempting to block pretty much everything you stand for?
Seems disingenious to rail against such therapies, then run advertisements for a group that essentially funds and supports them.
I understand that revenue is revenue, but do you think it is a good idea to advertise the organization that is attempting to block pretty much everything you stand for?
Seems disingenious to rail against such therapies, then run advertisements for a group that essentially funds and supports them.
19
Can the federal government ban "reparative" therapy throughout the nation? Would be a good idea given the harm it causes.
20
@14 Parents like this aren't lazy; they're desperate and indoctrinated. Check the news today: conservatives are alleging that the BLS is conspiring with Obama--ya know, that Kenyan/Socialist/Nazi/Muslim/Etc.--to rig the nation's labor statistics to give Obama an election edge. The GOP is populated by people that are so zealous, so committed to their worldview that they will willfully ignore anything that challenges that worldview. There is no global warming. The plant is only 6,000 years old. The Bible is the final word on all human interactions, all governance. Jesus will return to annihilate all the works he supposedly created and loved. And on an on and on. The denial is pathological, as is the rage that accompanies it. These people don't give a damn about facts and they mistrust science on its face.
So, a parent "seeks" out reparative therapy after his teen comes out? That parent wasn't lazy. That parent found exactly what he was looking for.
So, a parent "seeks" out reparative therapy after his teen comes out? That parent wasn't lazy. That parent found exactly what he was looking for.
21
@6 I was surprised that the California bill didn't get ANY recognition on Slog. I know Savage has been busy, but he's not the only gay at The Stranger. The California ruling is completely key.
22
Best wishes, Pick1!
Keep moving forward. You deserve peace and happiness. I hope you will never allow those 10 months to take anything further from your life. Your perseverance shows that you have deep strength.
Keep moving forward. You deserve peace and happiness. I hope you will never allow those 10 months to take anything further from your life. Your perseverance shows that you have deep strength.
23
@2&14- What a moron. Obviously has never been a scared teen with roiling sexual feelings for members of the same sex, knowing that his parents would kick him to the curb and out of their lives if they only knew. GRRRRR!
Kids, especially sensitive gay ones, will do anything to get their parent's love and approval- anything. Logic, research etc has nothing to do with it. They will also end themselves when their parents reject them over something they can't control. I took the same approach at 16- someone 'promised' a cure, so I took it. 13 years later, I finally understood that nothing could make me a straight man, but lives were ruined in the meantime and 13 years were lost. I'd like to think that today I wouldn't feel the need to be 'cured', but there are still plenty of batshit crazy parents out there willing to torture their kids to make them straight.
I doubt if Falcor is even gay; no gay person could ever have such a callous disregard for the feelings and thought processes of a 16yo.
Kids, especially sensitive gay ones, will do anything to get their parent's love and approval- anything. Logic, research etc has nothing to do with it. They will also end themselves when their parents reject them over something they can't control. I took the same approach at 16- someone 'promised' a cure, so I took it. 13 years later, I finally understood that nothing could make me a straight man, but lives were ruined in the meantime and 13 years were lost. I'd like to think that today I wouldn't feel the need to be 'cured', but there are still plenty of batshit crazy parents out there willing to torture their kids to make them straight.
I doubt if Falcor is even gay; no gay person could ever have such a callous disregard for the feelings and thought processes of a 16yo.
24
@ 20 = and they are home schooling their kids, to make sure a whole generation is raised with no concept of rational thought, no understanding of science. It's the Middle Ages all over again.
25
Thanks for the kind words peeps. I didn't mean to hijack the thread or anything, I could just relate. I'm bitter about that experience but I'm actually doing pretty damn good for myself all things considered and I will be fine.
@12 Yeah, I'm in Utah County but I hit Salt Lake every chance I get.
@10 Seattle is top of my list. Working on a savings right now, but you guys get R74 passed and I'll get there ASAP, I actually have some family in Bellevue.
@12 Yeah, I'm in Utah County but I hit Salt Lake every chance I get.
@10 Seattle is top of my list. Working on a savings right now, but you guys get R74 passed and I'll get there ASAP, I actually have some family in Bellevue.
26
#2 and 14-
Victim-blaming is NOT COOL. People like you are part of the reason abuse victims find it so hard to escape, rape survivors are reluctant to get help, etc, because they know idiots like you will blame them for their own suffering. Abuse, and reparative therapy is indeed abuse, is ALWAYS the abuser's fault, not the victim's. No matter how easy avoiding an abusive situation seems to you in hindsight, real life is not that simple. Shut up until you know what you're talking about.
Victim-blaming is NOT COOL. People like you are part of the reason abuse victims find it so hard to escape, rape survivors are reluctant to get help, etc, because they know idiots like you will blame them for their own suffering. Abuse, and reparative therapy is indeed abuse, is ALWAYS the abuser's fault, not the victim's. No matter how easy avoiding an abusive situation seems to you in hindsight, real life is not that simple. Shut up until you know what you're talking about.
27
Incredibly sweet video. Shows for the millionth time how powerful and healing and wise and brilliant and absolutely lovely and kickass a thing IGB thing is. Even if the reason behind it having to exist in the first place sucks, these videos are a genuine reason to have faith in humanity - because they prove that people, for the most part, actually wanna do good.
Thanks forever to Dan & Terry for dreaming this thing up. It can't be said enough.
Thanks forever to Dan & Terry for dreaming this thing up. It can't be said enough.
28
Pick1, I echo other comments on here. Truly sorry you went through such a horrendous ordeal, and hope you can find your way to someplace saner than Utah, soon.
PS - Seattle has loads of cute boys.
PS - Seattle has loads of cute boys.
29
I'm a pansexual pervert, myself, and I just came out to my CBT Therapist in small town butt-fuck-nowhere. He had no issues, and CBT is the bomb for depression. It's short term and very effective. If you're struggling to un-fuck yourself after shitty "reparative" therapy or "sexual deviant" classes, remember that you don't have to do it alone, and there are gay and BDSM friendly therapists out there. It does get better.
Go in peace.
Go in peace.
30
Re: 29, for those like me who think "CBT" refers to cock-and-ball torture, pretty sure the commenter is referring to "cognitive behavioral therapy."
32
@30: I was in cognitive behavioral therapy a few months ago and someone in the group asked what CBT stood for. I started snickering uncontrollably.
33
@18, taking money from NOM for them to advertise to people who already know they're evil fucks? Aside from the other advertisements having to be near the NOM ads, not a problem.
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