Slog Music

Music, Nightlife,
and Drinks

Monday, October 1, 2012

SL Letter of the Day: Frustrated GILF

Posted by on Mon, Oct 1, 2012 at 3:32 PM

I'm on hiatus while working on a manuscript for a new book. In the meantime, please enjoy these classic Savage Love letters pulled from previous columns. I will be back November 1st, when the book is finished. —Dan

Originally published December 11, 2008:

I hope you can help me. I am a 39-year-old divorced mother of four. I'm also a grandmother. I've started seeing a younger man, age 25, who is only a few years older than my oldest kid. We hit it off great and other than the sex, everything is beautiful. The problem is that my sex life with my ex-husband of 20 years was very free. We did everything from toys to bondage to watching porn together to three-ways. My new guy is not happy that I have a collection of toys or that I watch porn, have been to strip clubs, etc. He likes "regular" sex and he refuses to use toys or do anything in the adventurous realm. How do I even talk with him about what I like without scaring him off? I love being tied up and spanked! Plus he has never done oral and doesn't even want to try! HELP!!!

Frustrated GILF In Minnesota

My response after the jump...

You're not gonna get what you want—excuse me, Grandma, what you have a right to demand and expect—from this boy if you're not willing to risk scaring him off.

Considering his age, FGIM, it's possible that your boyfriend, during his recent childhood, was locked in a classroom with a sexually repressed idiot who "taught" him that sexual ignorance is a virtue and that a limited sexual repertoire is pleasing to Jesus. They call it "abstinence education," and it induces a kind of sexual imbecility.

Now you, Grandma Hoses, are going to have to undo the damage done. Sit the boy down and tell him that you're older, wiser, and that you intend to drag his butt up to your level, not allow him to drag yours down to his. Tell him what you like, tell him exactly how you like it, and make sure he understands that you're not interested in being with someone long-term who isn't interested in meeting your needs.


Comments (12) RSS

Oldest First Unregistered On Registered On Add a comment
Indy 1
Looks like someone got an extension on his deadline.
Posted by Indy on October 1, 2012 at 3:44 PM · Report this
Oh man! You didn't get your homework done, and now you are on restriction until you get it finished. Meanwhile all your friends are outside your window hoping you get a chance to sneak out and play. Better get to it, or else your "hiatus" will slip clear into December.

It is fun to see past stories, but they just don't have the same play potential as new letters.
Posted by SeattleKim on October 1, 2012 at 3:51 PM · Report this
rob! 3
Seriously, how do they expect you to enjoy the election unless you get at least 60 days?!
Posted by rob! on October 1, 2012 at 3:54 PM · Report this
ingopixel 4
Not to mention, being the older, more experienced partner, you can teach him how to be a decent lover so that if/when he goes on to other relationships, you'll have done a favor for his future partners as well. That way you can be both (deservedly) selfishly demanding and selfless to the rest of the women out there he may come into contact with. I believe the children are our future...
Posted by ingopixel on October 1, 2012 at 3:54 PM · Report this
OutInBumF 5
Either he's young, naive and prudish, or just prudish. At 25, if he won't even go down on her, she should DTMFA and find a man who will. Standard equipment and all. THEN start working on the rest.
I predict (hope?) they've both moved on to something more satisfying.
Posted by OutInBumF on October 1, 2012 at 5:01 PM · Report this
Max Solomon 6
i wonder whatever happened to the 39 year old minnesota grandma and her squeamish boy toy back in the bush era? something tells me it may not have worked out.
Posted by Max Solomon on October 1, 2012 at 8:24 PM · Report this
Jesus, I'm turning 37 in a couple of weeks, and my kids are only 5 and 2. 39 and a *grandmother?* Where the hell did she find the time for threesomes?
Posted by gromm on October 1, 2012 at 8:26 PM · Report this
wingedkat 8
Why date someone who is both half your age and bad in bed? I dant get it. Is he just there to make her feel young and make the ex jealous?
Posted by wingedkat on October 1, 2012 at 10:00 PM · Report this
@8: Because she apparently hasn't learned from her marriage and she's still a "fixer"?
Posted by hrmmmmmmmmmmmm on October 1, 2012 at 10:22 PM · Report this
Levels? What is this, Muriel's Wedding? where, in case anyone needs reminding, Tanya explained oh-so-kindly to Muriel that Muriel needed to find friends on her own level while describing her cheating husband Chook as "up on my level". The tail end of the advice will do perfectly well without being needlessly antagonistic about levels.

And can we please do away with the whole -ilf designation, which is far more sexist than sex-positive (and even heterosexist as well)?
Posted by vennominon on October 2, 2012 at 6:15 AM · Report this
Also, while there is value to many new readers of the column in the selection of reruns being so 101/102-oriented, it might be particularly entertaining if members of the commentariat were to present past favourites of their own for another go, perhaps 1-3 days/week for a Commenter's Choice rerun. It would be interesting to see what people would choose.
Posted by vennominon on October 2, 2012 at 6:25 AM · Report this
Life's too short to date anyone that won't go down on you. Seriously.
Posted by fotini901 on October 2, 2012 at 12:11 PM · Report this

Add a comment


Want great deals and a chance to win tickets to the best shows in Seattle? Join The Stranger Presents email list!

All contents © Index Newspapers, LLC
1535 11th Ave (Third Floor), Seattle, WA 98122
Contact | Privacy Policy | Terms of Use | Takedown Policy