by Dan Savage
on Tue, Sep 18, 2012 at 11:50 AM
I'm on hiatus while working on a manuscript for a new book. In the meantime, please enjoy these classic Savage Love letters pulled from previous columns. I will be back October 1st, when the book is finished. —Dan
My boyfriend of 16 months and I have a great relationship. He loves my blowjobs, but he will not kiss me if I have his come in my mouth. It grosses him out. We have talked about this, and he won't even try. I have no problem if he kisses me after going down on me. I just want him to try. Is there something wrong with asking him to taste himself? I do it all the time and love it.
My response after the jump...
It's funny that your question—with its hint of gay panic—should arrive today. I've been on vacation with the family all week snowboarding in beautiful British Columbia, and what I enjoy most—besides the snowboarding and the half-naked, fully stoned Australian snowboard instructors lolling around in hot tubs at the end of the day—is watching the straight boys who refuse to sit four to a chairlift. They want to ride up alone or ride up two at a time on a four-seater with two empty seats between 'em. They seem to think gayness can be contracted through thigh-to-thigh contact.
Which it can.
Now, MK, there's kissing someone with your come on her breath and then there's kissing someone with your come in her mouth. It sounds like you're interested in the latter, which makes it sound like you're interested in passing some of your boyfriend's load into his mouth—i.e., snowballing—and not simply being rewarded with a kiss, his come on your breath, for a blowjob well-done. And that's an entirely different wad of spunk.
Just because you enjoy tasting yourself on his lips doesn't mean your boyfriend will enjoy or should have to enjoy mouthing his own load. First, there's a significant difference in volume and consistency between your kissing his glazed lips and his eating his own spunk. And then there's this: After a woman comes, MK, she's still in a groove, still capable of more orgasms, still cranked up. After ejaculating, a man is essentially uncranked. He's not capable of another orgasm (not right away, anyway)—he's been knocked out of his groove. So even if the idea of snowballing appeals to a man as you're blowing him, it might not hold the same appeal the moment after he comes.
Some men are afraid of tasting their own come because they believe that doing so, like sitting too close on a chairlift, can turn a guy gay. And it's not an unreasonable fear: not because it will turn a guy gay, but because, judging from my mail, a lot of women are convinced that any man who would taste his own come must secretly be gay. It's possible that your boyfriend is dying to taste himself, MK, but, like the boys on the chairlifts, is afraid of getting a reputation if he goes ahead with this and you blab about it to your friends.