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Monday, September 17, 2012

More Ridiculous Rape Claims from the Akin Family

Posted by on Mon, Sep 17, 2012 at 11:28 AM

First, Missouri Senate hopeful Todd Akin claims that "legitimate rape" won't activate a lady's baby box, now Mrs. Todd Akin is claiming that her husband is essentially being raped by the Republican party.

Rep. Todd Akin’s wife, Lulli Akin, says the Republican Party’s attempts to push her husband out of the Missouri Senate race — over his false assertion that women who are raped rarely get pregnant — are like rape itself.

... She cited colonists who “rose up and said, ‘Not in my home, you don’t come and rape my daughters and my … wife. But that is where we are again. There has been a freedom of elections, not tyranny of selections since way back. Why are we going to roll over and let them steamroll us, be it Democrats or Republicans or whomever?”

Jesus Christ in kid leather gloves, does the Akin family not own one dictionary between them? And have they never heard the parable of the boy who cried rape? Because if my last name were Akin, I'd be frantically spackling and sealing all my holes shut right about now.

Thanks to Slog tipper Bill, who writes, "I swear to god I will literally kill the next person who equates anything but sexual assault with sexual assault." I have a brand-new electric knife sharpener with your name on it, Bill.


Comments (21) RSS

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MacCrocodile 1
"...frantically spackling and sealing all my holes shut right about now."

I'm not sure, but I think you just sexually assaulted the Akin family.
Posted by MacCrocodile on September 17, 2012 at 11:37 AM · Report this
If anything got "raped" it was the frigg'n English language in that moronic statement.

"There has been a freedom of elections, not tyranny of selections since way back."

What THE living fuck is this lady talking about? The Akin family is clearly missing several chromosomes.
Posted by tkc on September 17, 2012 at 11:39 AM · Report this
Don't kill me, Bill.
Posted by tkc on September 17, 2012 at 11:41 AM · Report this
So if a woman gets pregnant after rape, it probably wasn't "legitimate rape," but if Todd Akin takes some heat for saying something stupid, that's the real deal.

I guess the message is that only social conservatives know what real rape is, and they can't explain it to us, because real rape is situational, and the definition is a moving target. But, like pornography, they know it when they see it.
Posted by Clayton on September 17, 2012 at 11:41 AM · Report this
Luisa 5
well, Lulli is married to an arrogant, ignorant gas bag, so she must have either been one herself or she de-evolved after she married him.

Jesus H Christ. Do they not grasp what rape actually means?
Posted by Luisa on September 17, 2012 at 11:45 AM · Report this
So... in 1776 the colonists revolted because they were tired of the English monarchy literally raping their wives and daughters? Wut?
Posted by GermanSausage on September 17, 2012 at 11:49 AM · Report this
seatackled 7
If the Republican Party rapes Rep. Akin, I will stand by silently.
Posted by seatackled on September 17, 2012 at 11:49 AM · Report this
Urgutha Forka 8
You keep using that word... I do not think it means what you think it means.
Posted by Urgutha Forka on September 17, 2012 at 11:51 AM · Report this
this guy I know in Spokane 9
If it's a legitimate rape, he won't get pregnant.
Posted by this guy I know in Spokane on September 17, 2012 at 11:51 AM · Report this
Pope Peabrain 10
I love hearing from those adorable Akins. It fills the news cycle so nicely.
Posted by Pope Peabrain on September 17, 2012 at 11:53 AM · Report this
Aurora Erratic 11
What is with the Rapey McRapesalot family? Don't these people ever talk about anything else?
Posted by Aurora Erratic on September 17, 2012 at 11:54 AM · Report this
If I were king of the world, people would only be allowed to invoke

1) Hitler and Nazis in order to talk about Hitler and the Nazis.
2) Slavery to talk about Slavery.
3) Rape to talk about Rape.

No one should ever refer to any of those three things unless they are talking about those three things. While currently breaking these rules are not (to my deep regret and frustration) illegal, they do immediately identify the speaker as an ignorant, insensitive, bloviating, callous, stupid-ass dickhead who openly insults everyone ever who suffered from items 1, 2, and 3. and as someone who is utterly unqualified--intellectually and morally--to hold public office.
Posted by CrankyBacon on September 17, 2012 at 11:58 AM · Report this
this guy I know in Spokane 13
My favorite comment from the TPM article:

"I know how she feels. The blisters I got on my feet last week are exactly like The Holocaust.

Only worse, because they are happening to me.

Posted by this guy I know in Spokane on September 17, 2012 at 12:07 PM · Report this
seatackled 14

Stop raping our freedom of expression and enslaving us to your way of seeing the world, you Nazi.
Posted by seatackled on September 17, 2012 at 12:12 PM · Report this
@12 There are many things to which I have considered comparing your invocation rule.

As much as I want to agree with it, I think that it can be incorrectly used to dismiss cogent and well constructed discussions about race relations in America (slavery), for instance.
Posted by Akin Was Tarting Around All TEA Party on September 17, 2012 at 12:14 PM · Report this
A few weeks ago on a Mariners game thread someone wrote how they hate when a team rapes the Mariners. Someone replied with "I doubt people compare their sexual assault to a baseball game,". It was good to see in the macho world of sports online people were being civil and reasonable.
Posted by CbytheSea on September 17, 2012 at 12:26 PM · Report this
Of course it wasn't rape.

He was ASKING for it.
With the way he was dressed.
And parading himself around in public like that.
And the FILTHY things he was saying.

And he's had a long "relationship" with the Republican party.

And then comes the morning after the interview the day before and he has to face his wife.
And the Republican Party is going around the country telling everyone that they're through with him and it's over.
Of course he's going to tell his wife that he was raped.
Posted by fairly.unbalanced on September 17, 2012 at 12:37 PM · Report this
"The embarrassment or discomfort I am currently experiencing is just as bad as the worst thing that ever happened to anybody else, because it is happening to me."
Posted by Proteus on September 17, 2012 at 12:41 PM · Report this
I think that someone needs to take the Akin's aside for a little "discussion". This discussion would involve tying them both down and forcibly sticking a dick up each of their asses repeatedly without permission. They seem to be having some difficulty figuring out what this "rape" stuff is and I think it's important that this is clarified for them.
Posted by Root on September 17, 2012 at 12:46 PM · Report this
Sadly, as a man, Akin can't spackle his holes shut since he needs to eat and shit.
Posted by I have always been... east coaster on September 17, 2012 at 4:45 PM · Report this
Free Lunch 21
Maybe this is just her way of making sure her husband is around the house a lot more over the next two years
Posted by Free Lunch on September 17, 2012 at 8:08 PM · Report this

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