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Friday, September 14, 2012

SLOG EXCLUSIVE: Ballard Public Library Computers Incapacitated Due to Tiny, Furry Security Breach

Posted by on Fri, Sep 14, 2012 at 3:15 PM

Anonymous sources inform me that all the computers at the Seattle Public Library branch in Ballard are down. The whole network was apparently crippled by intruders who have vandalized the library and damaged the information technology infrastructure that serves as the very lifeblood of the local institution.

To wit: Slog tippers inside the building confide that mice "got through a panel and chewed through some wires." How do they know it was mice? "We actually found a dead mouse down in the vent," my source says. "We think there's a hole in the wall" that the mice are using as to gain access to—and egress from—the building.

What's next for the Ballard branch of the library? Can they ever recover from such a debilitating attack? Will this temple of knowledge fall at the tiny, adorable paws of chaos? Will the whole building have to be firebombed so that we can start anew? What of the future of literacy? The mice did not immediately return my calls for comment. "We're going to get an exterminator in here and solve the problem," my source says. When will your computers be back online? "We're hoping to be up tomorrow."

Sounds like literacy is safe...for now.


Comments (11) RSS

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biffp 1
Are mice foreseeable when you build a garden on the roof? Will insurance cover the damage?
Posted by biffp on September 14, 2012 at 3:38 PM · Report this
rob! 2
So what is making the Slog so slow, unstable, and full of 504 errors these days?
Posted by rob! on September 14, 2012 at 3:53 PM · Report this
More, I Say! 3
Sad/funny. Once in highschool, we lost all power and got to go home when a squirrel made it's way to the breaker and electrocuted itself whilst causing a school-wide blackout. Martyr squirrel, I'm sure.
Posted by More, I Say! on September 14, 2012 at 3:59 PM · Report this
Will in Seattle 4
sadly, @1 has a point. Also, the tasty tasty wire coating they used and the heat efficiency of the building made this more than usually attractive.

This is why we breed cats and small pocket dogs ... Maybe equip some with IR head cameras and some lasers?
Posted by Will in Seattle on September 14, 2012 at 4:41 PM · Report this
From the headline and my experience at that library, I was expecting the culprit to be a homeless dwarf.
Posted by SPG on September 14, 2012 at 4:43 PM · Report this
Joel Zimmerman unavailable for comment.
Posted by Card Zero on September 14, 2012 at 6:20 PM · Report this
McBomber 7
Clearly a well-orchestrated cover-up. They really went in to expunge the late fees due on a certain collection of Beverly Cleary books. Anonymouse strikes again!
Posted by McBomber on September 14, 2012 at 6:22 PM · Report this
Don't panic! They probably believed Deep Thought lived in Ballard. P.S. The answer is 42.
Posted by Julian in Seattle on September 14, 2012 at 8:00 PM · Report this
Please do NOT let the actions of a few extremist mice sour you on ALL mice. Most mice are hard-working, responsible citizens who only long to be left to nibble cheese in peace. Please don't sic the cats on us.

- Mouse Anti-Defamation League press release
Posted by Pope Buck I on September 14, 2012 at 8:16 PM · Report this
brocaine 10
There is a construction site next door, and with that there are normally thousands of vermin unleashed on the surrounding buildings. Kind of a huge duh. Most construction sites trap the shit out of them, but it's a fancy-schmancy eco-friendly mixed use building, so they probably didn't.
Posted by brocaine on September 14, 2012 at 10:25 PM · Report this
This was funny and well written.
Posted by yeti on September 15, 2012 at 4:53 PM · Report this

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