How I learned to make friends and influence people.
  • Stranger
  • How I learned to make friends and influence people.
Sometimes people ask me, "Cienna, why are you such a fucking freak?"

A birthday package recently mailed to me by a family member from my beloved home state of Idaho provides some insight. In the package, wrapped up in newspapers from 1993, I found:

· Two decks of used playing cards
· One can of pink lady mace
· Five pounds of homemade beef jerky/pepperoni sticks
· Two tripod camping chairs
· One electric knife sharpener
· One rainbow kite
· One 50-cent coin
· Empty bullet casings
· One blank birthday card, no interior message
· Fireworks!

This is not weird. It is, essentially, a Baby Bunker Starter Kit™ meant to prepare me for the Great Race War my uncles love gabbing about. And while I still haven't picked a side for the Great Race War (there are so many to choose from!), I cherish my knife and kite collections. And macing people. So if you need me this afternoon, I'll be in Cal Anderson, lighting off fireworks while sharpening my knives.