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Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Lost in the Woods: A Totally Embarrassing and Profusely Illustrated Account of How I Did Not Get Very Close to a Paul Ryan Fundraiser

Posted by on Tue, Sep 11, 2012 at 12:18 AM

Protestwide.jpg

This afternoon, a collection of political action groups including Washington CAN, Fuse Washington, Planned Parenthood Votes, and Working Washington led a protest outside a private Paul Ryan fundraiser on Hunts Point, a narrow stretch of land located between—I swear this is true—Cozy Cove and Fairweather Bay on the east side. Protesters brought along a large fat cat costume to protest the fact that Ryan is in bed with big business, and they waved around signs demanding tax hikes on the top 2%. They demanded that Ryan stop promoting his plan to gut Medicare, and they held Ryan accountable for his backwards views of women's health issues. They wanted to tie Ryan to Washington gubernatorial candidate Rob McKenna, too; the owners of the home the party was taking place in had already donated the max to the McKenna campaign. I was supposed to do my job: attend this protest and report on what I see. But somehow, I was wandering, lost, in the woods.

idyllic.jpg

What happened was this:

I listened to Google. I don't drive, and so Google Transit told me to take a bus to the Yarrow Point bus stop on 520. It's basically a bench next to a highway. Google then told me to walk on a path that runs along the side of the highway before turning up Hunts Point Road. The whole trip from bus stop to protest was supposed to be about a mile and a half. My stop is roughly indicated by the poorly drawn arrow on the map below, with the "A" in the approximate location of the private home in which the Ryan fundraiser was taking place:

HuntsPoint.jpeg

Easy, right? Unfortunately, the path Google marked was unwalkable. Construction has swallowed up either side of 520. Instead, the trail led into a small park at the base of Cozy Cove. I thought I would try to cut across the park to a road that would lead me to Hunts Point. But the park is not just snuggled between the water and the ever-expanding highway: It's also got wealthy neighbors on every other side. And the thing about wealthy people who live next to parks is that they're serious about keeping their property lines clearly delineated. Usually with huge, ugly fences. I kept trying to find some way to the road, but I wound up going deeper and deeper into the trails of the park until finally I hit the water. Don't get me wrong; it's a beautiful park. There are even labels for the plants you find there. This cottonwood tree smelled sweet and earthy, like someone buried candy in the soil dozens of years ago and came back to find a miracle:

Cottonwood.jpg

Frankly, I was surprised to see this kind of a park right next to the houses of the super-wealthy. Most rich people are the worst kind of NIMBYs—the kind who can hire lawyers to make their case for them. This park would be paradise for a homeless person who's looking for a place to spend a mild, dry evening. I even noticed that there were benches everywhere:

bench.jpg

And then, when I sat in one of the benches, I realized I could see directly across Cozy Cove. I was staring right at the place where I could not travel on foot:

Viewfrombench.jpg

For a while, I hung around in the woods, making my way to the thin, unstable shore to take photos of the scene across the cove. I could see tents in someone's back yard. For a second, I considered swimming, before I remembered that I was not invited to the party and that I sink like a stone in water.

But I could only do this for so long; suddenly, I realized what I must've looked like, this aimless drifter wandering around the fringes of a community's property lines, taking pictures of the Secret Service-guarded man across the water. A helicopter started buzzing overhead, and while I'm sure it was just a traffic chopper, visions of the Tampa security state started whirring through my head. I started to picture Secret Servicemen rappelling down the side of a cottonwood tree and then sending me to be tortured, so that they could figure out what the hell I was doing in that park. Eventually, and after quite a few wrong turns, I found the way back to the bus stop.

It's funny; I had a moment there, when I was gazing across the water at the ridiculously expensive home that may or may not have been hosting Ryan's party, I immediately felt bad for anyone going to the party who was riding public transport, knowing how hard, or how impossible, it would be to get to the fundraiser. And then I shook the cobwebs from my head; anyone who attends a Republican fundraiser won't be taking transit there.

Here is where I have to apologize to Washington CAN and all the rest who took action today. They organized a protest in a very short amount of time, and they managed to locate the super-secret Romney supporters who were hosting the event, too. It looked like a successful celebration, and the protests surely caught Ryan's attention, if only for a second or two. The attention span of a vice presidential candidate is some valuable real estate, even if they're as intractable as Ryan. If these actions can remind Ryan that Washington state is not now and will never be friendly territory for he and his party, that would be a hell of an accomplishment. And I, who had promised to write about the whole thing, wound up lost in the woods, looking at the wrong damn side of the houses. The protesters deserved better than what I could give them.

 

Comments (24) RSS

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dnt trust me 1
That's cool that you don't drive. I sorta suck at driving, got two tickets in the last six months. The feel of the clutch though, I love it.
Posted by dnt trust me on September 11, 2012 at 12:42 AM
sprflycat 2
Worthy effort.
Posted by sprflycat http://hustleandfaith.tumblr.com/ on September 11, 2012 at 1:48 AM
dlauri 3
Worthy effort indeed, and I shouldn't denigrate it with a grammar lesson, but I can't help myself. I enjoyed reading your post until the end, when I got to your statement, "Washington state is not now and will never be friendly territory for he and his party."

"For" is a preposition and requires an object. "He" is a nominative pronoun and doesn't go with "for." "Him" is is an objective pronoun.

Eyes glazing over? Remove the "and his party" and think about whether "Washington state is not friendly territory for he" is something you would write or say. I hope it's not. If you would say, "Washington is not friendly territory for him," then there's no super magical rule of grammar that suddenly requires you to change "him" to "he" because he's with anyone else.

"Washington state is not now and will never be friendly territory for him and his party."
Posted by dlauri http://www.davidlauri.com on September 11, 2012 at 4:47 AM
tainte 4
the woods. that's funny. you'd last about 2 seconds in the real "woods".

Posted by tainte on September 11, 2012 at 5:25 AM
care bear 5
You should get an intern with a car. Isn't that how Lindy got her start?
Posted by care bear on September 11, 2012 at 6:13 AM
6
Don't get down on yourself, man! You did your best. Unless, you didn't?
Posted by crasher on September 11, 2012 at 6:54 AM
TVDinner 7
Very Gatsby.
Posted by TVDinner http:// on September 11, 2012 at 7:02 AM
8
Paul, I love your writing, but for god's sake get a taxi next time you need to cover a story on the east side. Trying to go to a Hunt's Point house by bus is just stupid - anyone who had ever had any dealings outside of the their Cap Hill bubble would have known that. But hey, you got a philosophical angle with some pretty words. Never mind that the protesters, who managed to get their asses to the correct location, will now get covered by a brief mention in the Seattle Times with no photos.
Posted by chanster on September 11, 2012 at 7:36 AM
matt 9
He's probably still nursing blisters from the conventions, folks. Go easy. Plus, this is good stuff.
Posted by matt on September 11, 2012 at 7:41 AM
gloomy gus 10
What a fun piece! During negotiations over the 520 rebuild configuration Hunts Pointers and Medinans were very protective of their eastbound and westbound bus stop along the freeway. Not that the residents actually use the buses, but members of their household staff do, see?
Posted by gloomy gus on September 11, 2012 at 7:55 AM
Josh Bis 11
If not zipcar or taxis, it might be time to enlist an intern with a car or a familiarity with maps.
Posted by Josh Bis http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/Author.html?oid=3815563 on September 11, 2012 at 8:35 AM
12
So the dog ate your homework?
Posted by floater on September 11, 2012 at 8:41 AM
13
It seems a perfect metaphor for an individuals efforts to help work for progress in this evermore isolating and regressive society.
Posted by dbgill56 on September 11, 2012 at 9:07 AM
14
For next time....

http://tripplanner.kingcounty.gov/cgi-bi…

It's a little kludgey, but it works well once you get the hang of it.
Posted by palamedes on September 11, 2012 at 9:27 AM
easternstar 15
This article is a thing of beauty. I especially like the way the cottonwood figured so prominently.
Posted by easternstar on September 11, 2012 at 9:50 AM
16
Nice read -- got caught up in the same google jam last nite myself on a flower delivery I had in Hunt's Point. What looked reasonable on my laptop resembled a huge construction quagmire/motorcycle cop convention. Missed the protestors but, man, there's a weird thread of paranoia weaving thru that patch of land. I buzzed my delivery household from the electric gate outside (Hunts Pointers all have them) and got back this Emily Lutella-like voice, "Who is it?" "Um, flower delivery." "Ohhh? Who for?" "I don't know. Mr & Mrs S-something, I can'r read the rest." The hesitant/suspicious voice makes me feel like I'm those two guys from In Cold Blood. I wait for the voice's next move. For a moment I think about saying, "Hi, I'm Paul Ryan, I'm lost, can you direct me to my fundraiser? I'm running late and it's getting dark out." Then the voice comes back again. "Who's it from?" "I don't know. I can open the card and read it to you?" At that the gate opens. There's a sign that says "Beware of Rottweiler," but when I pull up into the roundabout a dopey young black lab gallops out of a door and over to my truck door and makes me break into a wide smile.

Nice photos & thanks for the heads-up on the park. There are some idyllic views of the lake from there and you can't beat the scent of cottonwoods this time of year.
Posted by sourcloud on September 11, 2012 at 10:03 AM
kitschnsync 17
Jeez. The Stranger sprung for the funds to send you to the conventions- why not expense a taxi?

Posted by kitschnsync on September 11, 2012 at 10:07 AM
long-time reader 18
I always enjoy a "you can't get there from here" story.
Posted by long-time reader on September 11, 2012 at 10:13 AM
19
The eastbound Yarrow Point freeway stop is closed for the construction. So if you were using the old stop as a starting point -- rather than the temporary one, which is off the highway -- it's no wonder you got lost.
Posted by bigyaz on September 11, 2012 at 10:13 AM
mikethehammer 20
Fun read, indeed.

I remember a few years ago I took my dog for a late afternoon hike in a relatively small wildlife area down here in suburban Portland. Must've unknowingly veered off on some sort of a wild game trail that sort of dead-ended into some thick brush. Was getting dark by then & not wanting to backtrack, I foraged through the brush & thorn laden growth for probably 100 yards, getting torn to shreds, but aiming for the sounds of traffic. I finally found my way onto some wealthy driveway.

Tired and dehydrated, but otherwise relieved, I called out to a woman & her young child to alert them to my presence and ask for directions. Only to get screamed at for having a dog on her property.
Posted by mikethehammer on September 11, 2012 at 10:22 AM
reverend dr dj riz 21
not that i drive or anything, but a lot of us are up for a good protest, why not carpool with some of
us ? i'm certain that some of the protesters did.
Posted by reverend dr dj riz on September 11, 2012 at 10:49 AM
22
this is the best Paul Constant piece I've seen. a little bit poetic.
Posted by bluer is better on September 11, 2012 at 11:20 AM
LEE. 23
I drive to the Eastside one to three times a week for work and am on no set schedule when I do. you could always hit me up for a rideshare and all I ask for in return is a sandwich. if you want to give me some space on Slog every once and a while to review that sandwich, I wouldn't say no.
Posted by LEE. on September 11, 2012 at 12:49 PM
24
@22 -- you obviously haven't read the spring-roll-eating contest essay.

http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/consp…

You're welcome.
Posted by siduri on September 11, 2012 at 1:00 PM

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