Slog
News & ArtsSunday, September 9, 2012
Religion Slog Mormon Study: Abraham 3:9
Posted by Goldy on Sun, Sep 9, 2012 at 7:00 AM
[Slog Bible Study is on hiatus through the November election as we honor Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney by studying the scriptures of his Mormon religion.]
Pearl of Great Price, Abraham 3:9
And thus there shall be the reckoning of the time of one planet above another, until thou come nigh unto Kolob, which Kolob is after the reckoning of the Lord’s time; which Kolob is set nigh unto the throne of God, to govern all those planets which belong to the same order as that upon which thou standest.
Discuss.
1
Joseph Smith needed to work more on his King James era grammer. I can't even figure out what he is trying to say.
2
Romney cannot become President, because he is so bad at shopping. Why would you buy that Pearl at Great Price, when you can get discounted pearls on the Home Shopping Network?
3
Looks to me like the Latter-Day Saints are perfectly positioned to make an appeal to fans of "Battlestar Galactica." I'm picturing a billboard with a soft-lit photo of Gaius Baltar, bearing the caption, "Faith: pass it on."
4
"upon which thou standest" LOL!
How can people read this crap and take it seriously? It sounds like its witten for a Saturday Night Live skit or something.
The weird thing is a lot of the people who DO take this crap seriously, appear to be capable and successful in real life......
How can people read this crap and take it seriously? It sounds like its witten for a Saturday Night Live skit or something.
The weird thing is a lot of the people who DO take this crap seriously, appear to be capable and successful in real life......
5
I had no idea until recently that Harry Reid was a Mormon. I liked it better when I thought all the the real crazies were on the other side.
8
Ditto on a big Huh? These Mormon texts are incomprehensible.
Now I'm curious -- Evangelical Protestants make a big deal about reading the Bible, do Mormons do the same thing with their books? And if so, what percentage read, say, "this makes no sense at all!" and leave the religion?
Now I'm curious -- Evangelical Protestants make a big deal about reading the Bible, do Mormons do the same thing with their books? And if so, what percentage read, say, "this makes no sense at all!" and leave the religion?
9
It's true: good Mormons don't die, they become a god and get their own planet. Cf. the Osmonds album 'The Plan' released on Kolob Records.
10
@1 It's what makes selecting scripture for these posts so difficult. As with all religions, there are plenty of Mormon beliefs to make fun of, but their scripture is so awfully written it is hard to find a verse that clearly describes any particular belief.
14
@3 Glen A. Larsen used many aspects of his Mormon religion in Battlestar Galactica. Not all the Mos in the quorum were exactly thrilled with that.
Goldy - try finding something about the Lamanites. Although depending on how new the version is, you may not find anything, since the newer versions were edited so the could say they were not racist.
And if it is still in print - No Man Knows My History by Fawn Brodie.
Goldy - try finding something about the Lamanites. Although depending on how new the version is, you may not find anything, since the newer versions were edited so the could say they were not racist.
And if it is still in print - No Man Knows My History by Fawn Brodie.
19
I remember being forced to read this stuff as a kid growing up and thinking it was boring and mostly incomprehensible. But I sort of figured it was just over my head.
Now, as an adult, I realize that it really is boring and incomprehensible.
Now, as an adult, I realize that it really is boring and incomprehensible.
24
What a horrid rendering using the language that Shakespeare used to write the greatest works in English literature.
28
Unlike some, Reid wasn't born a Mormon. He was raised an agnostic and converted to Mormonism while a student.
However, also unlike some, he said, "I think it is much easier to be a good member of the Church and a Democrat than a good member of the Church and a Republican."
I'm only half-appalled now.
However, also unlike some, he said, "I think it is much easier to be a good member of the Church and a Democrat than a good member of the Church and a Republican."
I'm only half-appalled now.
30
Another belief seems to be that a bunch of Mormons traveled to America at the time of the prophet Jeremiah, about 600 BCE (even though the religion wasn't founded until the 1800s CE). No explanation of how they got there. Perhaps they grew wings and flew across the ocean.
Comparing this craziness to the much-lower-grade "god died for our sins" craziness of the standard Christian, I'd take the latter believer as President.
Comparing this craziness to the much-lower-grade "god died for our sins" craziness of the standard Christian, I'd take the latter believer as President.
31
@30 are you kidding me? How is this less cray cray then; dude turning water into wine, feeding lots of people with a small amount of bread and fish, crackers & wine turn into flesh and blood while you eat, God kills the first born of the people who are enslaving you.
The thing I like about this series is how it shines a light on just how nuts all religions are. Again I really wouldn’t care except for the fact that these people try and impose their religious beliefs on the rest of us.
The thing I like about this series is how it shines a light on just how nuts all religions are. Again I really wouldn’t care except for the fact that these people try and impose their religious beliefs on the rest of us.
35
This Kolob is apparently the part of a person most resistant to change, their animal nature, probably the cerebellum. One planet on another is using lower and higher thoughts together, what Judaism and Christianity called the "spirit" that LDS calls "intelligences."
What's really puzzling is how the hell this relates to private property and good rulers being divine mandates.
What's really puzzling is how the hell this relates to private property and good rulers being divine mandates.
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