Slog
News & ArtsSunday, September 2, 2012
Religion Slog Mormon Study: Ether 11:14
Posted by Goldy on Sun, Sep 2, 2012 at 7:00 AM
[Slog Bible Study is on hiatus through the November election as we honor Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney by studying the scriptures of his Mormon religion.]
Book of Mormon, Ether 11:14
And it came to pass that Ethem did execute judgment in wickedness all his days; and he begat Moron. And it came to pass that Moron did reign in his stead; and Moron did that which was wicked before the Lord.
Discuss.
1
When I was in Honolulu, I was surprised to find that our hotel room contained not only a Gideon Bible, but also a Teachings of the Buddha and a Book of Mormon.
The Book of Mormon was by far the worst-written of the three.
To me, it always screams "fake King James English by somebody who wasn't a linguist and didn't have an ear for it either!"
The Book of Mormon was by far the worst-written of the three.
To me, it always screams "fake King James English by somebody who wasn't a linguist and didn't have an ear for it either!"
2
I've always enjoyed the way that an 18th century 'prophet' found a ‘thousand(s) year old’ record of a second coming and then translated them into the 16th century English dialect of the King James bible’s most recent rewrite.
4
Moron? Ether? that's fake, right?
Besides, isn't the point of Mormon that we should all be super nice, clean cut, and work hard, become rich, have a lot of kids, but not get drunk? What's wrong with that?
Besides, isn't the point of Mormon that we should all be super nice, clean cut, and work hard, become rich, have a lot of kids, but not get drunk? What's wrong with that?
5
...as opposed to his brother Moran, who miraculously grew a brain.
(Note: 'moron' was not used in English for the intellectually deficient until later in that century, so Smith _wasn't_ moronic to use that name when he cobbled-together the "Book of Mormon", a.k.a. 'Bible fanfic's fanfic'.)
(Note: 'moron' was not used in English for the intellectually deficient until later in that century, so Smith _wasn't_ moronic to use that name when he cobbled-together the "Book of Mormon", a.k.a. 'Bible fanfic's fanfic'.)
9
After spending my whole life being lectured on how this country is Christian bullshit, it is indeed ironic they want to put some bizarre version that doesn't even match their goofy bible in charge of the country. We'll be going to war soon so hide you're children.
12
Well, shit. I don't know anything about the book of Mormon, so I can't really add context here. I'm sure I could find it with some research, but I'd really rather not.
I'm not a Mormon and wouldn't be adding the context a faithful person would.
Any actual Mormons want to add context?
I'm not a Mormon and wouldn't be adding the context a faithful person would.
Any actual Mormons want to add context?
13
@11
Tweedle-dee Dee—he’s on his hands and his knees
Saying, “Throw me somethin’, Mister, please”
“What’s good for you is good for me”
Says Tweedle-dee Dum to Tweedle-dee Dee
--Rob Dylan
Tweedle-dee Dee—he’s on his hands and his knees
Saying, “Throw me somethin’, Mister, please”
“What’s good for you is good for me”
Says Tweedle-dee Dum to Tweedle-dee Dee
--Rob Dylan
14
Wow, I didn't expect something resembling sense to come out of this... but Ether beget Moron- sounds legit.
16
Do Mormons not give biblical names to their boy children? I can't think of any that are called names like Noah or Jacob. The Osmonds aren't biblically named (Wayne, Merrill etc), nor are any of the Romney males. Ether and Moron would be great names to pass down in a family.
19
Alright! Slog Book of Mormon study!
Man, McJulie said perfectly on the first comment. The Book of Mormon is nothing but a very bad, uneducated ripoff of the King James, a con job. And it's *all* people killing each other, a bloodbath cover-to-cover. Try paging through it sometime.
There is, indeed, a Book of Ether (maybe ethers as a class of chemical compound weren't described until the latter 19th Century?). And yes, rob!, there is a Book of Isoflourane, right before the Book of Amines. It's like an early, story-heavy o-chem textbook.
I don't know much about the Book of Mormon. I have a copy I happily confiscated from a missionary ("I don't really care about what you're saying, but I lost my copy of the Book of Mormon. Can I have yours?"), but it's such a damn chore to read. As was pointed out, it's just poorly written, and there's not much variation. It's almost like... one person wrote the whole book! But it's funny that in his attempt to make up Biblical-sounding names, he came up with stuff like "Moron" and "Moroni". And their believers are stuck being called "Mormons".
Man, McJulie said perfectly on the first comment. The Book of Mormon is nothing but a very bad, uneducated ripoff of the King James, a con job. And it's *all* people killing each other, a bloodbath cover-to-cover. Try paging through it sometime.
There is, indeed, a Book of Ether (maybe ethers as a class of chemical compound weren't described until the latter 19th Century?). And yes, rob!, there is a Book of Isoflourane, right before the Book of Amines. It's like an early, story-heavy o-chem textbook.
I don't know much about the Book of Mormon. I have a copy I happily confiscated from a missionary ("I don't really care about what you're saying, but I lost my copy of the Book of Mormon. Can I have yours?"), but it's such a damn chore to read. As was pointed out, it's just poorly written, and there's not much variation. It's almost like... one person wrote the whole book! But it's funny that in his attempt to make up Biblical-sounding names, he came up with stuff like "Moron" and "Moroni". And their believers are stuck being called "Mormons".
20
@17
The Moron Tab and Apple Choir.
I think I told it wrong. 19- Bloodbath, ha, check out movie Gummo by hipster Korine. Spaghetti in the tub. Ewwwwwwww!
The Moron Tab and Apple Choir.
I think I told it wrong. 19- Bloodbath, ha, check out movie Gummo by hipster Korine. Spaghetti in the tub. Ewwwwwwww!
21
Some in the Mormon church use the story of Quetzalcoatl as evidence that Jesus visited the native Americans.
22
@4 You can't make up stuff this hilariously bad.
(Unless your name is Joseph Smith or Ron Hubbard.)
(Unless your name is Joseph Smith or Ron Hubbard.)
23
Re: BoM as bad literature.
It doesn't get any better with the later prophets.
D&C 138:38-46 reads like a bad version of Red Buttons' "Never had a dinner" gag.
It doesn't get any better with the later prophets.
D&C 138:38-46 reads like a bad version of Red Buttons' "Never had a dinner" gag.
24
I invited the Mormon missionaries who were up in Ravenna last fall in to the house to have a four way with my boyfriend and myself. Is that what you are supposed to do with them?
25
What's a four way entail? One in your mouth. One in your pussy. One in your ass. You're into that? Righteous! Next time provide a NSFW video. Thanks.
29
@15, I had intended to call this "Slog Book of Mormon Study" but some of the more interesting Mormon beliefs are more clearly stated in the Doctrine and Covenants and the Pearl of Great Price, so I wanted the name of the post to more accurately reflect my intention to quote from all of Mormon scripture.
@1 Yes, the Book of Mormon is unbelievably poorly written. So many words to say so little.
31
@16 - No, they don't. They make up weird-ass names - usually by adding La or Rae in front of whatever - or name their kids after locations. So you end up with names like LaVell, LaVon, RaeDawn, etc. Current craze is names like Logan (town in northern Utah), Hyrum (another town), Ogden, etc. A very few will name their kids Moroni or other religious-themed names.
Also, I once received a graduate research paper in which the writer only used Doctrine and covenants and the Book of Mormon as citations. Although an F was most definitely in order, I debated commenting about using works of fiction as citations for what was supposed to be a scientifically-based research paper. Luckily I did not, as the woman turned out to be the daughter of a high mucky-muck in the Quorum of old white Mormon men and could have made my job disappear, but it would have been fun.
Also, I once received a graduate research paper in which the writer only used Doctrine and covenants and the Book of Mormon as citations. Although an F was most definitely in order, I debated commenting about using works of fiction as citations for what was supposed to be a scientifically-based research paper. Luckily I did not, as the woman turned out to be the daughter of a high mucky-muck in the Quorum of old white Mormon men and could have made my job disappear, but it would have been fun.
33
There is nothing to say about Mormonism that hasn't already been said by Trey Parker and Matt Stone.
34
Ok, I am simply going to throw this out as food for thought to a universe of Stranger readers who, like most of the left, preach "tollerance". I am an excommunicated Mormon, born and raised in the Church, graduated from BYU (where I am proud to say, I am the only know person who did so while working as a bartender, but thats another story). I do not believe the doctrine at all. That being said, the Book of Mormon is held as sacred scripture to thise who believe, just as the undergarments are sacred to them.
Now why is it that its OK to mock and make fun of Mormons and the things they hold sacred, yet no one here would -- indeed I suspect all hell would break lose -- if anyone called a Jewish yarmulke a "magic beanie" or mocked a Sikh turban or a Muslim hajib? Why do I never see anyone making fun of the Koran or the Talmud?
All religions have odd quirks and beliefs. Why doesnt Matt Parker or Trey Stone do a musical on Hasidic Jews or Sikhs or Muslims? They would have their heads handed to them on a plate thats why. I guess folks are lucky that Mormons tend to be very
Christ like in one big respect. They turn the other cheek.
Now why is it that its OK to mock and make fun of Mormons and the things they hold sacred, yet no one here would -- indeed I suspect all hell would break lose -- if anyone called a Jewish yarmulke a "magic beanie" or mocked a Sikh turban or a Muslim hajib? Why do I never see anyone making fun of the Koran or the Talmud?
All religions have odd quirks and beliefs. Why doesnt Matt Parker or Trey Stone do a musical on Hasidic Jews or Sikhs or Muslims? They would have their heads handed to them on a plate thats why. I guess folks are lucky that Mormons tend to be very
Christ like in one big respect. They turn the other cheek.
35
@26: There ARE gay women*, you know, and they reportedly do have pussies.
*I am not saying you are a gay woman.
*I am not saying you are a gay woman.
36
Bear, because Mormonism is not comparable to a real religion. It is more accurate to compare Mormonism to Scientology or Eckankar or some other loony toons cult.
I can and do appreciate the comfort others find in spirituality, be it Judaism, Hinduism, or what have you.
That does not preclude me from ridiculing crazy people, however.
I can and do appreciate the comfort others find in spirituality, be it Judaism, Hinduism, or what have you.
That does not preclude me from ridiculing crazy people, however.
37
@34 I was told how pathetic I was by a CES person because I wasn't married and didn't have kids - that I had no worth in the world because of this. I was refused a job because I wasn't Mormon - I failed the "what ward are you in" question. I was harassed by Mormon children in school, and ignored by the Mormon teacher. When vandalism occurred in our neighborhood - including to the wardhouse - the bishop came to my house and accused my sibling and I of doing it, and when it was later proven that some of his own little perfect angels did the deed, he never once apologized. I couldn't even complete a graduate research project because that would have required me to ride in a car to another town 20 miles away with a married Mo male and he and his wife and bishop felt this looked unseemly - like I was going to jump his bones once we got out of town. Give me a fucking break. I've suffered the censorship of Utah (KSL), been unable to do things on Sunday because the Mo's want things closed, and paid taxes for their kids to go to their unsupported public schools and scam charter schools. I've been treated like crap by many Mormons who think they are far superior to Gentiles, and watched as they treated the Native Americans and African American populations even worse. I could go on and on; suffice it to say, I have no issue ridiculing Mormons - nor any religion - because they are all hypocritical in their beliefs.
39
@36: The "cult vs. religion" excuse is pretty weak. The only real difference between LDS and Judaism or Buddhism etc. is age.
@34: Jews and Muslims aren't aggressively and publicly pushing their religious views onto the rest of us. Mormons and Christians, on the other hand, are doing their damnedest to impose their beliefs on everyone. That makes those beliefs fair game. If you cite the Bible (or the Book of Mormon) as a source, expect it to get picked apart.
@34: Jews and Muslims aren't aggressively and publicly pushing their religious views onto the rest of us. Mormons and Christians, on the other hand, are doing their damnedest to impose their beliefs on everyone. That makes those beliefs fair game. If you cite the Bible (or the Book of Mormon) as a source, expect it to get picked apart.
40
@34 This post is no different from my usual Sunday Bible Study that I've been doing for years. I post a piece of scripture, unedited, without comment, with a link back to the text, and then I ask readers to discuss. Much like many Christians do when their trying to make some allegedly scripture-supported point.
If the scripture can't stand on its own, that's it's own problem.
If the scripture can't stand on its own, that's it's own problem.
41
I seem to remember the phrase, regarding the golden plates, "Hid up unto the Lord." Which seems like such a perfect mix of hillbilly and Fake King James.
44
39
yes indeed.
damn those xtians!
have you noticed how they have been trying to change the definition of marriage to suit their religious beliefs and trying to force EVERYONE in the nation to adopt THEIR definition of "marriage"?
its unbelievable.
just fucking unbelievable....
yes indeed.
damn those xtians!
have you noticed how they have been trying to change the definition of marriage to suit their religious beliefs and trying to force EVERYONE in the nation to adopt THEIR definition of "marriage"?
its unbelievable.
just fucking unbelievable....
45
you girls are so right-
gold plates?
polygamy?
what a fraud that Joe Smith was.....
Now;
walking on water,
parting the Red Sea,
wine from water,
stoning virgins,
sacrificing Issac,
shellfish,
raising the dead
and Solomon's 1000 hos;
THAT is some authentic stuff.
gold plates?
polygamy?
what a fraud that Joe Smith was.....
Now;
walking on water,
parting the Red Sea,
wine from water,
stoning virgins,
sacrificing Issac,
shellfish,
raising the dead
and Solomon's 1000 hos;
THAT is some authentic stuff.
46
oh Goldy, you wit.
we see what you're doing here-
this text has unusual names,
and you found two that came to acquire ironic meanings
in our time;
'ether' puts folks to sleep
and
'moron' refers to someone who is not too sharp
(sort of like what 'Goldy' means on Slog....)
and now the 10 year olds can giggle
and feel so superior.
you truly are the man.
but wait, don't give up your day Job!
get it?
'job'!
its a name in the bible and it means a position of employment.
oh wow, the troll is almost as clever as Goldy!
we see what you're doing here-
this text has unusual names,
and you found two that came to acquire ironic meanings
in our time;
'ether' puts folks to sleep
and
'moron' refers to someone who is not too sharp
(sort of like what 'Goldy' means on Slog....)
and now the 10 year olds can giggle
and feel so superior.
you truly are the man.
but wait, don't give up your day Job!
get it?
'job'!
its a name in the bible and it means a position of employment.
oh wow, the troll is almost as clever as Goldy!
48
#34
"Why doesnt Matt Parker or Trey Stone do a musical on Hasidic Jews or Sikhs or Muslims?"
Probably because you're a Mormon.
Look up "Jewpacabra".
"I guess folks are lucky that Mormons tend to be very
Christ like in one big respect. They turn the other cheek."
Or what?
You need to get out of your bubble.
"Why doesnt Matt Parker or Trey Stone do a musical on Hasidic Jews or Sikhs or Muslims?"
Probably because you're a Mormon.
Look up "Jewpacabra".
"I guess folks are lucky that Mormons tend to be very
Christ like in one big respect. They turn the other cheek."
Or what?
You need to get out of your bubble.
49
@StuckinUtah - This is an aspect of LDS that people don't understand or talk about very much: how truly insular and suspicious of outsiders they are. It's been driving me crazy to hear about how much Romney tithes and how that money helps people - without the important detail that the only people that money helps are MORMONS. If you're not LDS, you're SOL. I take issue with charities & services that have strings attached (you have to listen to a sermon or prayer before a meal or staying in shelter), but at least all are welcome. Mormons will literally kick people to the curb if they aren't members of the church and then will boast about how much "charity" they provide. It's dishonest and I hate it.
50
Exactly, @49. That is why I never give ANYTHING to the DI, because their job training programs are only for Mo's. Goodwill on the other hand, does not discriminate like that.
Out of the billions of dollars the Mormon church takes in, only a paltry amount ever supports non-Mormons in emergencies, and they make damn sure you know exactly where the $$ or supplies are coming from.
Out of the billions of dollars the Mormon church takes in, only a paltry amount ever supports non-Mormons in emergencies, and they make damn sure you know exactly where the $$ or supplies are coming from.
51
50
so why exactly are you 'stuck in utah'?
you seem pathologically unhappy and bitter.
surely you could relocate?
so why exactly are you 'stuck in utah'?
you seem pathologically unhappy and bitter.
surely you could relocate?
53
@52: while Goodwill Industries has, like most organizations of its size, certainly been the target of criticism—
http://www.bilerico.com/2009/03/whose_go…
http://www.csindy.com/coloradosprings/ba…
...I believe it's generally considered to support LGBT causes. You may be thinking of Salvation Army—
http://www.myhusbandbetty.com/2010/11/26…
http://www.bilerico.com/2009/03/whose_go…
http://www.csindy.com/coloradosprings/ba…
...I believe it's generally considered to support LGBT causes. You may be thinking of Salvation Army—
http://www.myhusbandbetty.com/2010/11/26…
54
Wait, you're picking a random verse out of context that noone in the LDS faith spends any time actually thinking about and that doesn't address any of the beliefs of the faith? You could also quote, say, Matthew 1:13: "And Zorobabel begat Abiud; and Abiud begat Eliakim; and Eliakim begat Azor;" which would also tell you nothing about the Bible.
How about, picking almost at random, 2 Nephi 9:6 "For as death hath passed upon all men, to fulfil the merciful plan of the great Creator, there must needs be a power of resurrection, and the resurrection must needs come unto man by reason of the fall; and the fall came by reason of transgression; and because man became fallen they were cut off from the presence of the Lord."
That seems to at least shed some light on Mormon doctrine.
How about, picking almost at random, 2 Nephi 9:6 "For as death hath passed upon all men, to fulfil the merciful plan of the great Creator, there must needs be a power of resurrection, and the resurrection must needs come unto man by reason of the fall; and the fall came by reason of transgression; and because man became fallen they were cut off from the presence of the Lord."
That seems to at least shed some light on Mormon doctrine.
56
Holy fucking, Christ, @54! Have you not been paying attention to this series? There is no context! Get over your butt-oppression.
57
@50 I agree with another poster: Why in hell can't you get out of Utah? There's a big world out there where you won't have to be angry and bitter and discriminated against!
58
It's all bullshit. Mormonism, Christianity, Judaism, Islam. And I love the infighting when you point that out to them. Ask any Christian about Mormonism's weirder points, and they'll chime right in with you. Never mind that Christians believe that they're eating pieces of a dead guy's body and drinking his blood when they do the communion thing. No, it's only ritualized cannibalism-that's not weird at all. Judaism at least allows its followers to question their imaginary god and not risk being attacked for it. The Chassids are completely insane, however, milking the public purse in Israel for all it's worth while refusing to study anything at school besides scripture-not even science or math-and they won't serve willingly in the Israeli military like everybody else. And let's not get into the humorless Muslims who go berserk if you draw a cartoon of their religion's founder.
Look, all of you people are insane. Every last one of you. You all want me tosign up to believe in something that isn't real, hate GLBT people, suppress women and then cut skin off my kid's penis just because of some stupid folktale?And you can't even get along with each other, much less anybody else. Sure, you scoff at Atheists, Buddhists, Taoists and Confucians. Maybe they haven't got the answers either, but no Buddhist has ever called me a faggot. I've got more respect for non-believers and Dharmic religionists than I do for you lot.
Look, all of you people are insane. Every last one of you. You all want me tosign up to believe in something that isn't real, hate GLBT people, suppress women and then cut skin off my kid's penis just because of some stupid folktale?And you can't even get along with each other, much less anybody else. Sure, you scoff at Atheists, Buddhists, Taoists and Confucians. Maybe they haven't got the answers either, but no Buddhist has ever called me a faggot. I've got more respect for non-believers and Dharmic religionists than I do for you lot.
59
@34: Jews, Muslims and Sikhs have never made any effort to convert me to their religion, so they get a decent amount of leeway from me for that. All that said: I do think that most religious-based clothing is fucking ridiculous, but I wouldn't dream of going so far as to mock it. You can wear whatever underpants or hat you want to remind you to not murder people, that's fine by me. As long as someone's beliefs make them remember to be compassionate and treat others with love and respect they get all the love and respect I can give. If their beliefs make them tell me that I'm evil and going to burn in hell for all eternity, they get my ire.
60
@58 Whew! Lie down, let me fan you a bit. Better? OK, here's a glass of water, let's take your meds, you'll feel much better. That's good, now relax. Excellent! Remember to take them tomorrow too, OK?
64
@58, I am sorry to say that I have heard Buddhists and Taoists call people faggots. Those particular Buddhists and Taoists happened to be middle school students in the 1980s, if that makes any difference to you.
66
@16, @31: Google "utah baby namer," one couple's continuing quest to document all of the crazy LDS names.
67
@34, sorry, the LDS church is not above reproach. Also, if it wants to enter the public discourse by hiring Ogilvy and Mather and slapping ads all over city busses, TV and YouTube, they shouldn't be shocked when they start entering the public discourse. I'm not an employee of the church public affairs department. I'm under no obligation to validate the church and its oppressive culture.
69
@68
what? you don't Skype with Obama every morning like all other liberals so that he can make sure we're all following his Islamist-Socialist-Atheist-Nazi-Homo-Babykiller-AfricanRepairations-PseudoChristian-Something agenda? he's never sent his secret police to your house and threatened to take away your family if you don't toe the line? I thought we elected this guy God, not President. weird.
what? you don't Skype with Obama every morning like all other liberals so that he can make sure we're all following his Islamist-Socialist-Atheist-Nazi-Homo-Babykiller-AfricanRepairations-PseudoChristian-Something agenda? he's never sent his secret police to your house and threatened to take away your family if you don't toe the line? I thought we elected this guy God, not President. weird.
70
34- Possibly people mock the headgear of real religions because it is HEADgear. Mormons cover their behinds, where most of their ideas originate.
71
34- Possibly people mock the headgear of real religions less because it is HEADgear. Mormons cover their behinds, where most of their ideas originate.
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