Slog
News & ArtsWednesday, August 29, 2012
2012 Who Will Be Tomorrow Night's RNC Mystery Speaker?
Posted by Paul Constant on Wed, Aug 29, 2012 at 2:26 PM
This is the kind of manufactured mystery that's intended to keep the press from asking questions about Republican plans. And it's working! There will be a mystery speaker at tomorrow's convention, in the prime-time spot, just before Marco Rubio and Mitt Romney. Now Gawker is saying that Fox is suggesting it'll be Hologram Ronald Reagan, in the vein of this year's Hologram Tupac performance. I'm sad to say that it's a genuine possibility—everyone has been joking for years that they should just dig up Reagan's corpse and run him again, and this is the next best thing—but there are other options, too. What do you think, Slog?
1
I think it'll be Obama. He's gonig to annouce that he's really a Republican and wants to move further to the right of Paul Ryan.
Watch the fat white guys explode not knowing what to do!!
Watch the fat white guys explode not knowing what to do!!
2
If it's hologram Reagan, that is awesomely failtacular! Nothing says, "we're the party of the future!" like having to trot out a dead guy to speak because no one from the last 30 years of the party is respected enough...
3
Only chance they got is Hologram Tupac. They'll save the footage of him being shot down by Hologram Dirty Harry for the VIP access Zapruder Screening Room.
4
A bunch of white people in incredibly offensive ethnic costumes and makeup, trying to pass themselves off as "ethnic" and "diverse".
7
I hope it's Joe Biden by way of becoming very confused and angry at convention attendance registration processes, and he just stands up there and sputters and swears at them for half an hour.
That would be pretty much aces.
That would be pretty much aces.
8
Even a hologram of a zombie Reagan would have more warmth and charisma than the real live* Mitt Romney.
*live = circuits are functioning properly.
*live = circuits are functioning properly.
9
I've heard rumors that Trump is going to "fire" an Obama impersonator to cap off the RNC this year.
10
Tomorrow's surprise speaker will be Gay Dude For Romney. Half way through his speech, Ryan, Rand Paul and Christie will tackle him and hold him down on the stage, while Romney cuts his hair and calls him queer and fag.
GDFR will jizz in his pants.
GDFR will jizz in his pants.
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