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Friday, August 17, 2012

SL Letter of the Day: Less Face and More Fuck

Posted by on Fri, Aug 17, 2012 at 2:37 PM

Dear Dan:

Straight, kinky, feisty female redhead here! I have a question about B&D... My new friend and I are quite into being tied up, collared, slapped, spanked, immobilized, release refusal and get full into the Dom and Sub roles respectively. I’m usually the sub (hottttttttt!) but 25% of the time, I do get to be in charge (hotttttttttttt!). My friend and I have discussed what our boundaries are, what we’re into, the “safe” word, and we do check in on each other enough throughout the role play to ensure we’re both okay. Basically, all is good there. I just left a 9 year, super vanilla relationship but have always had a kinky side I’ve known about since I was a teenager. Now, I’m 28 and have found someone who actually enjoys this kinda stuff! Alas, I am 28, and have had nothing but missionary for the last 9 years, and I guess I am not familiar with the proper protocols.

Here’s the issue: actual intercourse. I’ve spoken with him about it (before we start anything). I’ve told him that when he’s grinding on top of me and forcing me down with his weight that I want to be penetrated deeply and really hard. I’ve brought this up a few times now, but every time I beg my Master to fuck me, or I tell my slave to fuck me, 99.99% of the time he will go down on me and make me cum instead of actually fucking me. (Yeah, I know, poor me... my Dom can’t get enough of my pussy with his awesome mouth). Even when I am in the Dom role and I command him to actually fuck me, he somehow mentally overpowers me and makes me sit on his face (hotttttttttt!)—even when I have a gag in his mouth!! Because I’m just rediscovering my kinks, I am wondering is there is some sort of unspoken rule about penetration while in the Dom/sub roles I am not aware of? I’ve tried researching this but cannot seem to find anything. We’ve fucked before while in roleplay, but just once. Our “sessions” usually last on average 5 hours (hotttttttttt!) and he cums at least 4 times and is always able to get back in the mood within about 5 minutes of cumming and he makes me cum at least half a dozen times—so I know that getting it up for me isn’t the issue. I just want to get fucked! Am I missing something?

Less Face More Fuck

My response after the jump...

Dear Less Face More Fuck:

It sounds like you’ve found someone who you really click with and you’re finally doing some of the kinky things you’ve always wanted to do, so congrats. Your problem has absolutely nothing to do with B&D or Dominance and submission. There are no secret BDSM protocols about penetration or intercourse. There could be so many reasons why he is avoiding intercourse: he doesn’t like it, he has performance anxiety about it, he has erection problems, he prefers to do BDSM without it, he likes oral sex more, he can’t come that way, or something else. And all of those reasons are totally normal. But the bottom line is this: your friend is not fucking you the way you want to be fucked. What about fucking you with his hand or a dildo? Would both of you be up for penetration that isn’t penis-in-vagina intercourse? Would that fulfill your desire to be “penetrated deeply and really hard”?

The only way you are going to get to the bottom of this is to talk to him about what’s going on. Depending on what he reveals, you may be able to work out a way to have intercourse that doesn’t give him fear or anxiety. If, after directly addressing it with him, he tells you he simply can’t or won’t have intercourse with you, then you have to make a decision: give up this great kinky partner or give up the intercourse. Luckily, if you choose the later, it sounds like you will still have satisfying, orgasmic sex.


Comments (24) RSS

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@23 I concur!

@12, try to tell a man exactly how to fuck you and see how you fare. Their egos are too fragile to take direction, more often than not. And men can be total withholders and deniers of sex, in my sad experience. If you're a man who fucks on command, When and How, well how lucky for the women in your life.
Posted by lurkylurky on September 5, 2012 at 8:58 PM · Report this
@12 what rubbish. My own set of anecdata suggests rather the opposite. Often women don't talk about it openly - a man can joke about not getting enough from his missus but the other way round is seen as humiliating for both partners. Man isn't manly enough, woman isn't sexy enough to get man to fuck her. Innit.
Posted by Helenzor on August 24, 2012 at 7:41 AM · Report this
femwanderluster 22
Sometimes being with a multi-orgasmic woman does weird shit to guys. In my experience, one was jealous of it, a few found me to be insatiable (but I wasn't, I just like feeling good and am greedy, that's all, still had a blast!) I also think that your argument is based solely on harmful stereotypes about guys having no control over their cocks to the point that they have no standards re: when, with whom and how much they wanna fuck. People be different, yo.
Posted by femwanderluster on August 21, 2012 at 2:28 PM · Report this
6 21
@3 - TOTEZ!! This letter is ridiculous.
Posted by 6 on August 20, 2012 at 8:21 AM · Report this
Posted by Why are there cars? on August 19, 2012 at 6:40 PM · Report this
@3: Eh, the guy could just not want to get off so early. I prefer oral to start out with first because I'd rather it be stretched out as long as possible.

@9: The people involved can get people to have sex with them without resorting to rape, unlike yourself. Keep your loser-projection to yourself.
Posted by period troll can't get laid, not our fault on August 19, 2012 at 12:41 PM · Report this
@8 said:
> You know what's hotttttttttttt? Communication.

Agreed, but to get this through to the writer's head, you'll have to say:

Communicationnnnnnnn! Hottttttestttttttt!

Posted by delta35 on August 18, 2012 at 4:49 PM · Report this
Posted by MemeGene on August 17, 2012 at 7:52 PM · Report this
Why so many clueless 28-going-on-18-year-olds lately? Are these just hipsters who are more emo than the emos?

Readers wanted more freaks, but not clueless freaks.
Posted by Approaching 40 in LA on August 17, 2012 at 5:55 PM · Report this
venomlash 15
Posted by venomlash on August 17, 2012 at 5:30 PM · Report this
balderdash 14
I am choosing to imagine this terrifically annoying person actually speaking they way she writes, which entails interspersing conversation with ejaculations of the word "hot" in which she holds the final aspirated "t" for several seconds, hissing and spraying a mist of saliva over whoever she's talking to.
Posted by balderdash on August 17, 2012 at 5:29 PM · Report this
Even gagged (!!), this guy is able to give great oral and "somehow" mentally overpower her. Huh. All I can do when gagged is drool.
Posted by EricaP on August 17, 2012 at 5:11 PM · Report this
I feel like there has been a suspiciously high number of letters recently from Women Who Aren't Getting Enough Sex From Their Men. This is in direct conflict with my empirical observation that very few women suffer from Men Who Won't Fuck Them Enoughitis. Or even Men Who Won't Fuck Them Rightitis. Ask a man to fuck you, and he will, almost without fail, fuck. Tell a man how to fuck you, and he will, almost without fail, jump at the chance to follow instructions. While I'm not calling fake on any individual letter, let's just say I have my doubts in aggregate. Either we've hit a statistical anomaly (the sexual version of a cancer cluster) or there's a whole lot of one-handed typing going on in letters to this column lately.
Posted by Centrists Rule the World today on August 17, 2012 at 5:08 PM · Report this
Reverse Polarity 11
I'm sitting here imagining all the women reading this who have never experienced an orgasm in their life, wondering WTF the writer is complaining about.

That said, @1 has it right. If you're going to top, Top, dammit. If he is still manipulating you, you're doing it wrong.
Posted by Reverse Polarity on August 17, 2012 at 4:31 PM · Report this
@9 I think you're wrong, they have safe words...
my take on why you're not getting drilled is the 5 hour thing, he's trying to keep you going and last a little longer himself. A few more cocks in the room and you could get fucked deep and hard pretty much non stop for 5 hours. You should give it a try, I'm sure you could get a few volunteers for the experiment.
Posted by jaansdornea on August 17, 2012 at 4:30 PM · Report this
@6 It's also rape!
Posted by STMFTJA on August 17, 2012 at 4:24 PM · Report this
very bad homo 8
You know what's hotttttttttttt? Communication.
Posted by very bad homo on August 17, 2012 at 3:33 PM · Report this
Yeah, agree with @3 and @5.
Posted by minderbender on August 17, 2012 at 3:23 PM · Report this
Pope Peabrain 6
DTMFA! Because you'll always wish you were getting fucked and he'll never fuck you. So DTMFA!
Posted by Pope Peabrain on August 17, 2012 at 3:16 PM · Report this
@3 That is exactly what I was thinking.
Posted by SeattleKim on August 17, 2012 at 3:13 PM · Report this
go fuck off, fuckfaces. where are all these kinky folks in my life?
Posted by fetish on August 17, 2012 at 3:10 PM · Report this
If this letter isn't a case study in "written by some dude in his moms basement" I don't know what else is.
Posted by tkc on August 17, 2012 at 2:58 PM · Report this
What a great headline! As for the letter, I'm starting to wonder if the fad for adding a string of extra t's to the word "hot" hasn't given me an erotic curiosity toward stutterers.
Posted by gloomy gus on August 17, 2012 at 2:58 PM · Report this
When you are being the dom, stop letting him top from the bottom, and just order him to fuck you hard.
Posted by SeattleKim on August 17, 2012 at 2:50 PM · Report this

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