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Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Media / Celeb / Teh Internets Today in Sentences I Haven't Been Able to Stop Thinking About Since I First Read Them Two Days Ago

Posted by David Schmader on Wed, Aug 8, 2012 at 1:47 PM

It appeared at Radar.com, in an item about Miley Cyrus written by Radar News Editor Amber Goodhand:

[Miley's] latest "Look at me!" move is to post a Twitter photo showing her rapidly vanishing waist and rock hard abs, and RadarOnline.com has exclusive insight in the emotional trauma that lies behind her raunchy pic.

Here's that "raunchy pic." The whole item is extraordinarily sordid, not for any reason tied to the behavior of Miley Cyrus, but because of the writer's garish storytelling, nauseating tonal shifts, and ridiculous implication. Enjoy! (And good luck, Miley Cyrus. Your life must be really weird.)

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Attached at the (skinny) hip to fiancé Liam Hemsworth, Cyrus appears to be copying the extreme diet that he had to endure to emanate Gale in The Hunger Games.

Make that sordid because of the writer's garish storytelling, nauseating tonal shifts, ridiculous implication and inclination toward getting words that sound alike confused.

Looking forward to getting her take on the shooting of the Sheikhs in Wisconsin.

Posted by Fred Casely on August 8, 2012 at 2:06 PM

When will these young stars learn that their bodies are the property of the celebrity industry? That's what I want to know. Everybody, have a look for yourself; scrutinize this barely legal girl's every inch looking for clues as to how she feels and whether it's appropriate or not for her to feel that way. It's not just your right, it's your duty as an American to rate and discuss her abdomen.

Posted by Fnarf

on August 8, 2012 at 2:25 PM

@1, Sikhs are not remotely the same thing as sheikhs.

Posted by Fnarf

on August 8, 2012 at 2:51 PM

I think that was Fred's point, Fnarf.

Posted by Allyn on August 8, 2012 at 2:55 PM

Shorter American Consuming Public:

"Ah'm rezponsable fer payin' 0.0000237% of yer income, so IT'S MAH RAWHT AZUH 'MURKIN TAH KNOWS EVERTHIN' 'BOUCHEW!"

Posted by COMTE

on August 8, 2012 at 2:57 PM

3: He's referencing a Romney blunder. For real!

Posted by David Schmader on August 8, 2012 at 3:01 PM

Thus ends today's SLOG's post for child molesters...

Tune in tomorrow when pedo filer David Schmader goes around looking for early videos of Clarissa Explaining the World!!

Posted by Supreme Ruler Of The Universe

on August 8, 2012 at 3:09 PM

@7 Grow up.

Posted by Dr_Awesome on August 8, 2012 at 3:12 PM

Somebody really should tell her to stop wearing those crop tops, though.

Posted by care bear on August 8, 2012 at 3:13 PM

@9: Somebody like her father, maybe?

Posted by Fred Casely on August 8, 2012 at 3:44 PM

@4, @6, I plead dumbiness.

@1, I'm sorry!

Posted by Fnarf

on August 8, 2012 at 4:06 PM

@7 You fucking suck and are shitty at reading comprehension.

Posted by McGee on August 8, 2012 at 4:15 PM

@7 Sorry, I missed the part where Miley Cyrus is still a child at age 19.

Posted by More, I Say! on August 9, 2012 at 9:59 AM

David, you suck! When I click on a link called "raunchy pic" I want to see a fucking raunchy pic. Instead I get a fully clothed woman who's barely showing a belly button. You're just a tease! I expect some good NSFW links ASAP to make up for it. Ideally also of Miley Cyrus.

Posted by Root on August 9, 2012 at 1:58 PM