A young, tight-pantsed couple sat down on either side of me on the bus ride to City Hall this morning. I wasn't paying attention to their conversation until I heard the man on my right whisper-speak, "I wanna fuck you nosebloody."

It's important to note that "nosebloody" in this context is an adverb. The man did not say, "I want to fuck your nose bloody," which would make more grammatical sense and, if possible, might physically repulse me more. I know this because he repeated himself several times, like a chant, "I wanna fuck you nosebloody, I wanna fuck you nosebloody..." or like a creepy game of telephone (I was the telephone).

The woman seated to my left seemed very flattered by this nosebloody business. They talked some more, I stopped paying attention, and then, then! she said, "Blah blah blah, my mouth wants to fuck a hamburger nosebloody."

It's disgusting, nonsensical imagery that appeals to me about as much as the combination of "nipples" and "cheese graters" in any context. But since that bus ride, I've been mentally fucking things nosebloody all day. I fucked a crosswalk nosebloody, then I fucked a scone nosebloody, and I just finished fucking an iced coffee nosebloody! I can't seem to stop myself.

Which is why I need your help, Sloggers.