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Friday, July 27, 2012

Books Generating More Shades of Grey

Posted by Paul Constant on Fri, Jul 27, 2012 at 2:44 PM

Slog tipper Fnarf has introduced me to the Fifty Shades of Grey Generator. This is the first piece of text I read when I clicked on the link:

The feeling of his love piss frothing down my throat got my tuna tunnel tears flowing quicker than greased shit off a shiny shovel. With my vertical smile now much like a gutted trout, he thought it was time to start probing my puckered brown eye. Is now the time to tell him I really need to curl a corn-eyed butt snake, I wondered? My penis pothole was trembling like jelly. I awoke the next morning with my penis pothole still draining. I thought it was over but his all-beef thermometer had other ideas. When he removed his huge penis from my brown eye, he was pleasantly surprised to see a corn-eyed butt snake staring back as him. He knew I couldn't wait to suck the colon cobra off his cheese-crusted cock.

The sad thing is, this passage is way more erotic than anything I read in Fifty Shades of Grey. Fnarf has officially torpedoed my afternoon to insensate abandon with his hot, throbbing Slog tip.

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Comments (22) RSS

Oldest First Unregistered On Registered On Add a comment

Paul, with all due respect, I think you confuse the terms "erotic" and "gross".

Posted by treacle on July 27, 2012 at 2:52 PM

This is the worst Savage Love Letter of the Day all week!

Posted by Zebes

on July 27, 2012 at 2:54 PM

Thanks Fnarf. Really. I so appreciate you sending in this Slog tip. Why did I read this? I have already refused to even peruse FSOG. Crap. Now I can't get this shit out of my head. Just Hell!

Posted by SeattleKim on July 27, 2012 at 3:02 PM

This makes up for you being such a blind hack for Obama

Posted by Cato the Younger Younger on July 27, 2012 at 3:09 PM

"...sweating like a gypsy near an unlocked shipping container." I don't even begin to know what that means but I'm gonna start using it.

Posted by Hernandez

on July 27, 2012 at 3:13 PM

Eeeeewwwww, you guys! That's hecka grody.

Posted by knobtheunicorn on July 27, 2012 at 3:13 PM

The last sentence of your post is particularly excellent, Paul.

Posted by Eric from Boulder on July 27, 2012 at 3:15 PM

That's a pretty low bar you set for yourself. I've read graffiti at rest stop toilets that's more erotic than 50 Shades.

Posted by Some Old Nobodaddy Logged In on July 27, 2012 at 3:16 PM

Hours of thrusting like this would leave any girl's furburger looking like a motorway pileup, and I was no different!

Gah!

Posted by TVDinner

on July 27, 2012 at 3:18 PM

So much goodness. Nobody can top the Brits for gross-out sex and toilet humor. "Seen more helmets than Hitler" -- "left my cat flaps looking like a ripped out fireplace" -- "coated like a plasterer's radio".

Y'all are welcome.

Posted by Fnarf

on July 27, 2012 at 3:27 PM

If you can imagine this being read to you over the phone by a woman with a broad Southern accent, it gains in entertainment value.

Posted by --MC on July 27, 2012 at 3:28 PM

"Sweating like a paedo in a prison riot"

"Bald-headed yogurt slinger"

"Chow down on it like a bulldog eating porridge"

"Wetter than a spastic's chin"

I have read stuff this fine since my last copy of Viz.

Posted by Fnarf

on July 27, 2012 at 3:32 PM