Slog

Slog Music

Music, Nightlife,
and Drinks

Thursday, July 26, 2012

There Will Now Be Six Hobbit Movies

Posted by on Thu, Jul 26, 2012 at 12:21 PM

Huh. This script for The Hobbit: Episode XVI—How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bombur... well, it could be better, is all Im saying. Also, why is this written in Crayon?
  • "So this script for The Hobbit: Episode XVI—How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bombur... well, it could be better. Also, why is this written in Crayon?"

As rumored at Comic-Con, Peter Jackson and Warner Bros. are currently "exploring the logistics" of turning the two Hobbit movies into three Hobbit movies. "Exploring the logistics" is code for OF COURSE THEY ARE GOING TO DO THIS, WHAT ARE YOU, AN IDIOT? The Lord of the Rings movies made over two billion dollars; Peter Jackson could say he wants to make 10 more and shoot them all at the same time in his rec room with Werner Herzog playing all the roles (except for Channing Tatum, who would play Radagast the Brown, obviously)* and Warner Bros. would say, "Sure, Pete. But just so we don't look quite so money-grubbing about it, let's tell people we're 'exploring the logistics' while we write an obscene amount of zeros on this check."

I have a Lord of the Rings keychain (LADIES) and I'm currently wearing this shirt, so clearly, as soon as I see a trailer for The Hobbit: Part III—Bungo Baggins' Lament, all my self-righteous and irrelevant grumbling will suddenly, miraculously cease. I just wish they'd be honest about this shit, that's all. Like Twilight and Harry Potter and The Hunger Games, this isn't about telling stories any better, it's about milking a fan base for all they're worth. Which is totally their prerogative—it'd just be nice if they'd come out and admit it, instead of trying to convince everyone that some warg who was mentioned in a footnote of one of Tolkien's long-forgotten appendices suddenly needs to have his tale told onscreen.

Anyway I'm going to future-proof this post by saying there will be six Hobbit movies instead of three, just so next year when Jackson decides again that he needs to "tell more of the incredible tale with the cast we have assembled," I won't have to write another post. Here, let's watch Channing Tatum's audition tape for Radagast.

*this is actually a pretty good idea, Peter Jackson please make this happen

 

Comments (14) RSS

Oldest First Unregistered On Registered On Add a comment
Betsy Ross 1
That's a clip worth watching.
Posted by Betsy Ross on July 26, 2012 at 12:29 PM · Report this
Zebes 2
I'm not sure it really bothers me. I know how the story ends, so I'm not really in a hurry to see its conclusion, and if it means leaving more content from the book in rather than making it more efficient (by way of cutting or compressing content), then it's worth- to me, at least- the extra year's wait an additional movie ticket.

Also, it will certainly result in more dwarves, and more dwarves is always a good thing.
Posted by Zebes http://www.badrap.org/rescue/index.html on July 26, 2012 at 12:39 PM · Report this
ArtBasketSara 3
wow! Six Hobbit movies..I'm going to tell all my friends and win!

Hopefully Jar Jar Binks will make an appearance *fingers crossed* (Gollum's imaginary friend? it's part of the expanded tale of his life that I'm sure will FINALLY be told..."Why doesn't it shuts it's mouth precious? Why must it bothers us?!! *gollum* *gollum*...")
Posted by ArtBasketSara on July 26, 2012 at 1:05 PM · Report this
4
I look forward to waiting until all six Hobbit movies hit Netflix then.
Posted by suddenlyorcas on July 26, 2012 at 1:10 PM · Report this
STJA 5
I would totally buy the director's cut of "The Lord of the Rec Room" with Jackson and Herzog.
Posted by STJA on July 26, 2012 at 1:20 PM · Report this
keshmeshi 6
Jesus. No wonder Del Toro flew the coop.

The Hobbit is the shortest and least complicated book of the whole series, and they want to make three movies out of it? I'm not usually one to bitch about movies being too long provided the director uses the time wisely, but this confirms that The Hobbit is going to achieve something I never thought possible: making Jackson's King Kong seem interesting and *short* by comparison.
Posted by keshmeshi on July 26, 2012 at 1:23 PM · Report this
Simone 7
I'm thinking I'd like to see Herzog play Gandalf.
Posted by Simone on July 26, 2012 at 1:26 PM · Report this
lizlemon 8
Don't forget the 679 hours of extra footage of bonus features once the DVD's come out!
Posted by lizlemon on July 26, 2012 at 1:30 PM · Report this
Urgutha Forka 9
What Keshmeshi @6 said.
Posted by Urgutha Forka on July 26, 2012 at 1:37 PM · Report this
Joe Szilagyi 10
@9 but what you and keshmeshi are overlooking is that the trilogy isn't just the Hobbit, from Gandalf arriving at Bilbo's door to back again. It sounds like they're using that as a book end for all this stuff:

* The White Council
* The Necromancer
* Sauron declaring himself
* Other stuff to bridge the gap from Hobbit to LOTR

I'm sure the timelines will obviously be squished somewhat, or left vague, but that's OK. It seems like the device will be Bilbo telling Frodo the stories, at some point in the lead up to his 111th birthday. Hell, bring it on. The more the merrier, and bring back Viggo in good makeup and CGI as a younger Aragorn while you're at it!
Posted by Joe Szilagyi http://twitter.com/joeszi on July 26, 2012 at 1:46 PM · Report this
keshmeshi 11
@10,

If that's the case, I'd much rather they do one Hobbit movie and then create a separate movie as some sort of bridge between The Hobbit and the trilogy. The Hobbit has a pretty satisfying conclusion, having that dragged out to explain the events between the books would be dull for audience members who aren't die-hard LOTR fans.

Jackson had the good sense to end LOTR with the hobbits returning home to a non-pillaged Shire. It wasn't true to the books, but it worked for film. The confrontation with Saruman would have bored most of the audience.
Posted by keshmeshi on July 26, 2012 at 2:24 PM · Report this
raku 12
Better than what they did with Harry Potter.

http://www.theonion.com/video/final-minu…
Posted by raku on July 26, 2012 at 2:26 PM · Report this
venomlash 13
@11: This.

Why not wear this shirt instead?
Posted by venomlash on July 26, 2012 at 2:53 PM · Report this
14
Even with three movies they had to drop the Scouring of the Shire from the Lord of the Rings--which was a pretty big omission given how it put the cap on the story arc for a bunch of characters.

There are good break points too:
part 1 ends with the escape from the goblins in the mountains

part 2 ends with the escape from the wood elves

part 3 the final showdown with motherfucking SMAUG!

I know, my nerd is showing.
Posted by Westside forever on July 26, 2012 at 4:37 PM · Report this

Add a comment

Advertisement
 

Want great deals and a chance to win tickets to the best shows in Seattle? Join The Stranger Presents email list!


All contents © Index Newspapers, LLC
1535 11th Ave (Third Floor), Seattle, WA 98122
Contact | Privacy Policy | Terms of Use | Takedown Policy