Where's Romney When You Need Him?! The US added 80,000 jobs in June, but the unemployment rate didn't budge at 8.2 percent, in the third straight month of weak hiring.

High-Ranking Syrian General Flees Country: An important Syrian general has reportedly defected, marking the most prominent instance in a recent trend of flight from the increasingly violent administration.

Friday Higgs Roundup: Four UW physicists helped out, Stephen Hawking lost a $100 bet, and CERN scientists presented their findings in Comic Sans.

Amazon May Be Planning an iPhone Competitor: Bloomberg reports.

The Gateway Drug Isn't Pot—It's Alcohol: A new study "blasts holes in drug war orthodoxy wide enough to drive a truck through."

About Damn Time: Three retailers, including Costco, will add after-tax prices to liquor tags, and Safeway is "considering" doing the same. Gateway, ahoy!

King County Deputy Injured in Crash: A man who reportedly made an "improper" left turn in front of an officer in White Center last night caused a crash with a police car, concussing a deputy and sending him to the hospital.

Seattle Catholic School Abuse Victim Wins Lawsuit: A former student at Wallingford's St. Benedict School who was raped weekly by a teacher in the 1960s has been awarded $6.4 million, one of the largest sums in state history for a sex crime.

Fake It Til You Make It: A Enumclaw life insurance salesman who allegedly stole $2 million from clients and faked his own death will face federal fraud charges.

Doomsday is Monday: An estimated 4 million computer users who were infected by a "doomsday virus" may lose Internet access on July 9. Go here to see if you have it.

Wait: Islam Is a Religion? Louisiana Rep. Valarie Hodges, who supported Governor Bobby Jindal's voucher system that added options for religious schools, didn't realize that "religious" might include "Muslim." Now she's upset.

On to Bigger and Better: The Florida lifeguard who got fired this week after saving someone's life outside of his designated coverage zone has been offered his job back. He doesn't want it.

God Bless America: Less poisonous brown widow spiders appear to be pushing out black widows in Southern California.

And now, a 32-year-old dude has a conversation with his 12-year-old self:

I'm feeling SO MANY EMOTIONS right now.