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Monday, June 25, 2012

Media The Internet Bottomed Out Earlier This Month

Posted by Paul Constant on Mon, Jun 25, 2012 at 11:26 AM

On June 7th, you probably felt a disturbance in the Force. Maybe you started crying for seemingly no reason. Maybe you got into a fight over something stupid and small. Maybe you just woke up in a foul mood. It probably left you feeling confused and hurt on an emotional level, and it haunted you because you couldn't figure out why you felt the way you did.

Well, now you can rest easy. Over the weekend, Redshirts author John Scalzi discovered the dumbest article in the history of the internet. It's titled "10 Pranks That Will Spice Up Your Relationship," and it had to have been assigned and written by lesser monsters from the dark realms (a dire rat, maybe, or a stirge or kobold of some sort). It's the nadir of internet journalism. Here are a few of the "pranks":

3. If you're feeling silly, stuff tissues or newspaper into his shoes so that he can’t get his feet in. Write “SURPRISE!” on each one — he’ll see the message as he pulls them out.

6. The old sticker-on-the-back routine of the "Kick Me" variety is not very clever, and it’s certainly not nice — but it is pretty funny. Try “Hug Me” instead, and wait for him to come home and tell you about his bizarre office encounters.

Everything about this article, from the shitty stock photo on down, is terrible. It's dumb, offensively inoffensive, and creepy. It's almost a parody, but because it's Fox News, you know it's for real. On the plus side, the internet can only improve from here!

(Via Third Place Press on Twitter.)

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Comments (8) RSS

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Oh, I thought you MSM types finally realized all the smart people were on Internet2 already.

Never mind.

Posted by Will in Seattle

on June 25, 2012 at 11:41 AM

There are some pretty good comments to that pile of shit article.

Posted by MoDave on June 25, 2012 at 11:59 AM

There are some HILARIOUS comments on that stupid article.

Posted by NotYourStrawMan on June 25, 2012 at 12:47 PM

all credit to Lindy West!!
http://jezebel.com/5920328/the-five-stup…

Posted by JonnoN on June 25, 2012 at 1:45 PM

holy shit. I think # 10 actually gave me a brain hernia.

Posted by longball on June 25, 2012 at 3:04 PM

Also, for anyone doubting whether #2 would actually work on anyone who was awake, keep in mind the average intelligence of people who consume Fox News.

Posted by longball on June 25, 2012 at 3:16 PM

I think one sentence in the article actually sums the whole thing up pretty well: "[H]e will be expecting something sweet and get a bland surprise instead!"

Posted by balderdash

on June 25, 2012 at 4:36 PM

THIS COMMENT:

Very helpful column! Boyfriend is frisky in the sack, he literally clawed my eye out with his erection after a couple "bland surprise" drinks. Eye is clawed out though

Posted by mr. herriman on June 26, 2012 at 12:57 AM