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News & ArtsMonday, June 25, 2012
2012 / Politics / LGBTQITSLFA On Booze, Meth, Suicide... and GOProud
Posted by Dan Savage on Mon, Jun 25, 2012 at 3:03 PM
Gay people abuse drugs, alcohol, and tobacco at higher rates than straight people do. We also commit suicide at higher rates. The haters on the religious right argue that these higher rates of self-harming behaviors are proof that the gay "lifestyle" is inherently dangerous and unhealthy. And since legalizing same-sex marriage or banning anti-gay job discrimination might result in more people choosing the unhealthy gay "lifestyle"—because being gay is a choice—society should discriminate against gay people for their own good.
So... the haters only discriminate against us because they love us and want us to be happy and healthy. See how that works?
The haters have it backwards. It's not that self-hatred in many gay people causes personally-destructive behavior. It's that the external hatred all gay people have to endure—discrimination, oppression, bigotry, and rejection by family members poisoned by "faith"—can lead to substance abuse, punishing sexual excess, and suicide. Being gay doesn't damage us. It's the way we are treated for being gay that leaves many of us damaged. Johann Hari said it best:
Being subjected to bullying and violence as children and teenagers makes gay people unusually vulnerable to depression and despair. The homophobes then use that depression and despair to claim that homosexuality is inherently a miserable state—and we shouldn’t do anything that might “encourage" it. They create misery, and then use it as a pretext to create even more misery.
Exactly. And new research shows that equality—not discrimination—makes gay people happier and healthier. (And yet the same folks who've insisted that they oppose equality for gay people because they worry about our health and happiness aren't coming out for marriage equality. Strange.)
I've been out for a while and I've seen my share of damaged gay dudes destroy themselves. Watching a friend drink himself to death or drug himself to death or fuck himself to death—or all three-at-once himself to death—isn't pretty. And here's something I've noticed about the self-hating, self-destructing gay guys I've known: it wasn't good enough for them to destroy only themselves. They had to destroy other gay men too. Using meth wasn't enough—they wanted their friends to use meth too. Abusing alcohol wasn't enough—they insisted that their friends match them drink-for-drink. And spinning out of control sexually wasn't enough—they wanted their friends to join them down at the bathhouse. (And for the record: having been damaged by hate and homophobia as a child explains but it doesn't excuse self-destructive behaviors in adulthood. You're responsible for the choices you make.)
Which kindasorta brings me to my recent dustup with GOProud. The hard-right gay Republican organization—a rightwing front group that exists to pinkwash the GOP—endorsed Mitt Romney last week. Romney, of course, opposes marriage equality. Romney supports DOMA. Romney has pledged to write anti-gay bigotry into the U.S. Constitution. Romney opposed the repeal of DADT. Romney opposes the federal Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA). Romney opposes adoptions by same-sex couples. GOProud's endorsement of Romney, while not a surprise, was annoying, and it prompted me to send out this tweet: "The GOP's house faggots grab their ankles, right on cue. Pathetic." The boys at GOProud accused me of using a hate term and claimed that I had bullied them. For the record, boys, this is what the bullying of an adult looks like. Politically-active adults taking the piss out of each other—and you guys have called me all sorts of lovely names—isn't bullying. And "faggot" is a word I've used to describe myself (on MSNBC!), it's a term I've used to describe my husband (in books!), it's a term my friends and I use to describe each other (all the time!). "Faggot" isn't an insult in my book—that's why I had to stick the word "house" in front of it.
Anyway, mixing it up with GOProud last week got me thinking about why a gay man would endorse—much less "commit significant resources" to help elect—a man who has pledged, if elected, to do as much harm as he possibly can to gay people. I mean, what kind of faggot supports a politician who would do him harm?
Oh, right: the same kind of faggot who would harm himself with drugs or alcohol or sex. The kind of gay men who don't like themselves or other gay people much. But while most self-loathing, self-destructive gay men are content to abuse booze, drugs, or dick, the self-hating GOProud boys abuse themselves with politics. And just like gay meth addicts who aren't satisfied harming only themselves, the boys at GOProud aren't satisfied harming only themselves. They want to harm other gay people—they want to harm all gay people—by getting Mitt Romney elected. And just like your meth-addicted friend who pushed the drug on you, or your drunk friend who mocked you for stopping at four, or your sexually out-of-control friend who insisted that you were a prude if you didn't play the come dump with him down at the bathhouse, the GOProud boys want you to abuse yourself the same way that they're abusing themselves. They want you to vote for Mitt Romney for the same reason your meth-addicted pal wanted you to use that stupid drug.
Because they're damaged.
UPDATE: GOProud co-founder Chris Barron tweets...
No, Chris, I'm not saying gay conservatives are like meth addicts. I'm saying you guys at GOProud are like meth addicts. Please don't hide behind honorable, consistent conservatives. (Of which there are precious few these days.) I happen to believe a a person can be politically conservative—for smaller government, personal responsibility, a strong defense (all of which Obama has actually delivered, you ingrates)—without being a self-hating chump or so politically and personally self-destructive that he can be compared to a meth addict. Andrew Sullivan is a political conservative and I would never compare him to a self-hating, self-destructive meth addict. (And not just because we're buddies.) The LCR guys—who declined to endorse George H. W. Bush in '92, because he wouldn't condemn rightwing anti-gay rhetoric, and who didn't endorse George W. Bush in '04 because the younger Bush supported the Federal Marriage Amendment—can't be compared to meth addicts either. But you guys? Yes, that's a comparison that can be made. Just was, in fact, and I'm going to go right on making it.
Romney, the pol you guys just endorsed, backs the FMA. Endorsing him was methy of you guys, Chris, very, very methy.
UPDATE 2: Chris Barron is now attempting to hide behind all gays everywhere:
No, Chris, I didn't compare gays to alcoholics. I compared self-destructive gays to self-destructive gays. You gotta be politically dense to back a party that opposes your civil equality, I realize, but do you really expect us to believe you're plain ol' dense dense?
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It's a good reminder than, while liberals are far from perfect, conservatives are stuck in adolescent thinking. (eg. our local romney supporter).
Dan, keep up the good work, you wonderful faggot, you.
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Yes, that's right. GOP-proud has straight "minders". Because gay people are just a little too silly to know how to vote in their own interests.
Imagine the outrage if the NAACP had white people appointed to the board, who voted against the majority of black members on a given announcement.
Gay people abuse drugs, alcohol, and tobacco at higher rates than straight people do.
These are all maladaptive coping mechanisms which have both genetic and environmental causes. The key environmental cause would be the discrimination and hate that is constantly being thrown around. This is a pity because people who are genetically prone to using these coping mechanisms are often great artists and thinkers when they haven't experienced significant psychological trauma.
As far as the tobacco abuse, perhaps this is a lesson. 50% of cigarettes smoked in the US are smoked by the mentally ill (google it). The other 50% are probably smoked by people who are on the spectrum but don't meet the threshold. Cigarettes aren't a luxury item, they are maladaptive coping mechanisms. Taxing the shit out of cigarettes and doing everything possible to ostracize smokers while at the same time cutting back on mental health programs will only help alienate a very vulnerable population. It is not surprising that LGBT persons smoke more than normal. I assure you, they aren't doing it to be cool.
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"Why are straight dudes on the board of a gay political group in the first place?"
I know, right? It's to keep them focussed on the "GOP" rather than the "Proud"?
Maybe Gay Douche for Romney can come and explain it to us.
"The haters have it backwards.
"It's not that the gay "lifestyle" is inherently dangerous and unhealthy.
"It's that homosexuality is just one more destructive behavior that people bent on self destruction indulge in."
see how that works?....
It was a Democrat who enacted DOMA,
What choice did Clinton have? The Republicans might have had the power to send a Constitutional amendment to the States (which the President can do nothing about). And while Constitutional amendments are tough to pass, this was still 1996. In 2012, more than 3/4 of States ban same-sex marriage. It probably would have passed and Clinton and many Democrats would have lost their seats.
It may seem surprising today, but the amount of homophobia around 16 years ago was profound. DOMA was a shitty compromise, but it probably saved same-sex marriage in the US for generations. How long from now do you think that it would take for 2/3s of both Houses of Congress and 3/4 of the States to agree that same-sex marriage should be legal?
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Nice post Mr Savage, we all know this to be the truth, it's nice to have someone with a platform to state it publicly.
Homophobia isn't logical, just like racism isn't logical. Booker T. Washington thought that if blacks acted respectable and got their kids educated then whites would see that they were responsible enough to vote and just give them their rights. It's a huge compliment for which American Caucasians of the early twentieth century turned out to be unworthy.
So yes, toss that study out there, show people that being gay isn't what's making people unhealthy. You might prevent a few people in the middle from being brainwashed, but some people react to appeals to emotion and others don't react at all.
Attitudes like this don't go away. The people who hold them grow old and die.
http://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/…
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Yeah...tobacco is another thing I'd have added to the list. Use it myself from time to time and always, always, it is a stress coping mechanism. When Lambda Rising was still in business here in Baltimore it was located next to the Gay Community Center. Every now and then when I walked in the bookstore I'd walk past a group of gay teens standing outside the GCC...it must have been on one of their youth group meeting times...and most of the kids would be puffing away...a little cloud of tobacco smoke around the group. I really hated seeing that...you just knew why those kids were smoking.
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"They create misery, and then use it as a pretext to create even more misery."
Completely describes the abuser in any abusive relationship, be it a partner, a parent, a sibling, a pastor/priest/reverend, coach, or other "authority" in the "relationship".
Their abuse makes you crazy, then they tell you they need to abuse you more, because they need to "cure" your craziness.
One thing I learned from an emotionally-abusive ex, is that you have to realize your mind is owned by another, before you can act to take back that ownership. The words "free your mind" should be on billboards and bumper stickers all over the place.
Peace all!
It would be as if I, a really adamant atheist, were to support people like Santorum. Or a gay person supporting Santorum. Or a woman supporting someone like Santorum. Or a bla.. person...
Secondly, if we don't start getting representation amongst the GOP, we're doomed. There are two parties in this country, for better or for worse, and tying our wagon to the tail of one of them is a recipe for disaster. We need to go mainstream, we're not going to do that by saying shit like this. Could I join/vote/stand the GOP? No. But that's a lot more to do with the fact Austrian economics is idiotic than anything else. Do I support what GOProud is trying to do? You bet your ass I do.
The Republicans are losing young people all the time. They lost my boyfriend to homophobia and misogyny; when the main issues of the right seem to be hating queers (me) and trying to take away birth control (my rights), how can they expect to keep the people of my generation who espouse small government and low taxes? GOProud should be focusing its efforts in primaries in which there's a candidate who doesn't hate them. They should be focusing on local elections in which they can support Republicans who will support them. I don't think they need to support Republicans who necessarily support gay marriage to be non-self-hating, but they at least shouldn't support someone who wants to take their rights away.
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Are there ALOT of Important Issues..You bet..but for me - MY no#1 issue is MY RIGHTS as a TAX PAYING GAY American Citizen, 1st and foremost! OBAMA 2012!
They're actually more like a kid who breaks a toy, blame their sister for breaking the toy, and then tells mom and dad that, because said sister can't be trusted with toys, they should be put in charge of all future toys.
I agree that constantly blaming Clinton for DOMA (and for DADT) is a gross misrepresentation of the situation, implying as it does that it was all his idea and that if he hadn't somehow championed it, all those wonderfully tolerant Republicans would never had dreamed of doing such a thing.
But he did have a choice. He didn't, it's true, have the choice of whether or not it would go into law, because of the huge bipartisan support it had. But he could have vetoed it and forced them to go on the record as overriding his veto, or he could have simply refused to sign, and let it lapse into law without his involvement at all.
It would have essentially been purely symbolic in effect. But sometimes symbols are important. No, Clinton isn't to blame for the law, but his hands weren't completely clean of it either.
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You believe that the word "faggot" is socially acceptable, because there's nothing wrong with being a member of the group it describes; presumably, you also think that the words "nigger" and "kyke" are also acceptable, for the same reason. The thing is: not everyone agrees. Most members of minority groups find it insulting and demeaning to be referred to using slurs. We consider them insults, because they are insults, and they insult not just us, but the group we belong to as well. The implication, when using a slur, is that being a part of the group being slurred is inherently demeaning. That is what slurs, to the vast majority of people, mean. And you can't expect everyone to know your personal definitions for them.
Now, you may use the word "faggot" casually to refer to yourself and friends, including your readers, and that's fine. It's fine because:
a) It's safe. Friends know what you mean, and they know you aren't hostile to them.
b) It's consensual. A friend can ask you not to call them that, and expect some consideration from you, even if you don't agree with them.
c) It's not an insult. As such, it does not reinforce the notion that being a part of the group described is inherently demeaning.
Your tweet, however, was an insult. It was meant to attack GOProud - who, by all means, are worthy of attack, but... That changes the meaning of the word. It's not safe and friendly, it is an insult, and as such, to everyone who isn't intimately familiar with your personal definitions, it does reinforce the notion that being a faggot is wrong.
Or have you forgotten his little tirade over HIV+ people having bareback sex while he himself was soliciting bareback sex with his poz ass?
The man had a dripping hardon for Bush II, if you recall. If it's methy for GOProud to do it, why isn't it so for Sully?
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You can spin Obama all you want but he is not conservative on any of the major issues. I will not vote for president based on a gay litmus test issue. The office is too important and the problems this country faces are too daunting.
Romney all the way....
The fact that you would vote for a candidate who has pledged to actively work against your own interests shows that you seem to think that you'll be exempt from their machinations. That you're one of the "good" gays that the Republicans won't go after.
But you know what a Republican calls his gay "friends" when push comes to shove?
"Faggot."
If they were "good" Republicans, they wouldn't be Republicans.
As far as gay Republicans are concerned, be they the Log Cabin type or GOProud variety, I think they should be pariahs who are publically identified in every city and town and totally shunned by every member of our community socially and in business dealings, right down to being turned away at gay-owned stores and restaurants.
Michael Romanello
I live in Chicago, which is the epicenter of government dependence. Specifically, the government is the largest employer, we have the highest rate of corruption and the worst finances in the country.
Your ingrate comment is not only pithey and childish, it's simply wrong.
You, Dan Savage, are too bias and too delusional for your own good.
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