Slog
News & ArtsThursday, June 21, 2012
City / Homo "An Open Letter to Seattle Pride"
Posted by Eli Sanders on Thu, Jun 21, 2012 at 9:18 AM
It's that time of year! Blogger Kim Wetter, in an open letter to local Pride Parade organizers, laments the forced separatism of this weekend's festivities:
An Open Letter to Seattle PrideSeattle Pride is this weekend and I couldn’t be more excited. But, with all our Pride planning, a very obvious problem has come to light. This is the same problem that we encounter year after year…
For some reason, Seattle wants to separate us.
That’s right – Seattle Pride is formed and functions with lesbians on one side of the street and gays on the other. The parade, itself, is all inclusive but every other event is split up between men and women.
It makes planning with my gay male friends incredibly difficult. I was told this year that we were looking for something “inclusive” to do on Saturday night and I had to point out that that’s impossible. Either we go to a lesbian event where guys are scarce or we go to a gay man event and women are scarce. One way or another, a group of people will be left out.
Our straight friends don’t seem to care either way. They will be going to this gay event or this gay event. Both equally as gay. No complaints.
But I care. I have to choose between one of these two parties and one group will feel unimportant.
Why not have a party for everyone? Gays, straights, lesbians, transgenders, whatever the fuck you are?
Pride is supposed to be a time where we celebrate ourselves. We were born this way and we’re damn proud of it. But splitting us into clearly labeled and defined groups only marginalizes us further. It places us in a nice little box and asks us to not interact with others. Even the idea that there’s a men’s party and a women’s party implies that only gay men and lesbians should show up respectively. What about our straight allies? What happened to loving everyone?
This is the one way Portland does it better.
How does Portland do it better? Keep reading...
1
No way! That'd be like having Line Out and Slog posts all in a jumble together, or if the Stranger added a lesbian staff writer like they did that one time in the 90s I think it was.
2
I gather she is referring to the official PrideFest RED parties, one for men and one for women, but it behooves me to point out that MANY events during Pride, and monthly for that matter, are very inclusive. "Hey Tranny It's Tranny" immediately comes to mind. Many of the events produced by Qulture Qreative/Hard Times Press (L.A. Kendall/David Richey), Kevin Kauer's Nark Magazine, and Sinfinite/ElektroPop are open to all and attended by all genders and sexualities. The Purr/Lobby/Neighbours/Social events this weekend are all very open to everyone as well. Obviously Cuff/Eagle and the Wildrose parties tend to skew toward their respective centric genders but...so what? There's many options for all kinds of people.
3
Maybe if Seattle lesbians stopped giving any male the stink eye the moment they stepped in to the Wild Rose, even if there is an all inclusive event...
5
This seems to me to be a non-problem. Most of these last minutes Pride dramas are.
I have a lesbian co-worker. We get together every year for a pride cocktail. Isn't that enough?
I have a lesbian co-worker. We get together every year for a pride cocktail. Isn't that enough?
6
I don't know about pride week but It's true that PDX does this better. I went to blow pony and it was ridiculously fun. All of the Seattle gay themed parties I go to seem to be gay guy only or lesbian only parties. And when it is like that, it makes a straight girl like me feel a little out of place. Why not accept everyone for who they are?
7
Have your own party. Or maybe go to the parade and the Seattle center and enjoy the party there. All very mixed and inclusive options.
8
For those of us who don't take part in Pride, maybe someone can give more background on what this dispute is about? What are these mysterious segregated events? Who organizes them?
10
There is a significant segment of the Lesbian community that abhors the idea of partying with men. They'd be separatists living in Lesbian Nation if possible. Conversely, many young gay men who are experiencing their first few Pride events really are - after all the mouth work about freedom and diversity and celebrating our differences - out looking for one thing and one thing only. And it ain't Lesbians. Perhaps there should be an opening Friday night event that's inclusive, but it couldn't be the kind of party I've always associated with Pride. Just ain't gonna happen. I think it's cool just to blow kisses to each other on Pride Day and let everyone celebrate their own way before and after the parade rather than force people together. I've been to that kind of party, too, and it isn't all that when all is said and done.
I appreciate the idea of bringing LGBTQIA people together, and I disdain the idea of no men or no women allowed, but like a 16-year-old doesn't want to party with 40-year-olds who merely share a common trait and/or political agenda, I can't see how a forced mixed party can be very much fun.
I appreciate the idea of bringing LGBTQIA people together, and I disdain the idea of no men or no women allowed, but like a 16-year-old doesn't want to party with 40-year-olds who merely share a common trait and/or political agenda, I can't see how a forced mixed party can be very much fun.
12
For years, the women who wanted liberation wanted separation -- no men allowed at their events, no men allowed in their spaces, no men allowed even to look at them in that threatening, patriarchal way ALL men have when they look at ANY woman. In fact, they revised the spelling of certain words to reflect their female-only focus and we got terms like "womyn" and "herstory". Then the women who wanted liberation discovered that the men had their own special spaces and cried foul because they weren't allowed in, and we got mixed crowds in formerly all-male refuges like the YMCA (put on a damn suit already, there are women present who might be offended by all that threatening patriarchal genital display) and the women were happy for, oh, maybe ten minutes before they decided that that wasn't enough. They had to have access to the men's spaces but they also had to be able to bar men from their own spaces so they could feel "safe". Now they want us all to get along and party together as though they hadn't been pounding on the anvil of their own discontent for the last thirty years. How's that supposed to work?
13
You know what? Why not be even more inclusive and make pride about all sexualities?! I feel that we are neglecting our straight friends by not being inclusive enough and focusing way too much on the gay.
14
One lesbian who wants to hang out with her gay guy friends does not a summer make, @12. Many of us are just fine with women only events. Now if only the transmen would figure out they should stop going to the womens events, I would be thrilled.
15
I whole-heartedly agree with this. Shouldn't this weekend be about showing and celebrating pride TOGETHER, instead of looking for an ideal party based on sexual orientation? I'm straight and have both gay guy and lesbian friends. Obviously, if I was looking for my ideal party this weekend I wouldn't be going to a tranny show or a lesbian dance party. But I am. And I'm excited and proud to share these experiences with my friends and the gay/lesbian community. I understand where the above commenters are coming from. I get it. It just surprises me that for one night of the year people wouldn't want to come together, supporting each other, and celebrate pride as one.
16
Dear Straight People:
It's GAY Pride not Gay/Straight Alliance Bar Crawl Weekend. That's the other 51 weekends of the year.
We're happy to share, but don't be whining we have events you aren't welcome at...
In fact, I don't know of ANY events that do a gender or sexuality check at the door.
If you're wanting a warm hug and a cookie, I'm afraid you're SOL.
It's GAY Pride not Gay/Straight Alliance Bar Crawl Weekend. That's the other 51 weekends of the year.
We're happy to share, but don't be whining we have events you aren't welcome at...
In fact, I don't know of ANY events that do a gender or sexuality check at the door.
If you're wanting a warm hug and a cookie, I'm afraid you're SOL.
19
As a non Seattleite, I cannot speak on the male/femal ratio in your LGBT culture, but as someone who has done her share of international gaybourhood/girlbourhood and Pride tourism, in cities big and small, I have seen what happens when a "mixed" night/club/pub is established. It becomes a boy's night.
Wherever I go, Gay male culture is much bigger than girl on girl culture, and in small towns, where there isn't enough of a critical mass to enable Lesbian bars, mixed spaces are all there are.
In the small city where I live, there is one Gay bar, and on a weekend, it's about 65% gay men, 20% straight girls and 15% Lesbian or Bisexual women. That's what you get when you put on a mixed night in many places.
Just check out the rainbow press for any city in the world. If you're a woman looking for a place where women are, it's a very delicate sifting process you have to go through.
The only "balanced" pride events I've been to have been ones organised by and for women, but which ended up attracting about 50% boys.
I can confidently say that the segregation of men and women is far more beneficial for girl on girl culture than it is for Gay male culture, because otherwise girl on girl culture would be drowned out by boy culture, and they're very different.
When young women who are beginning to emerge into their Lesbian or Bisexual identities, if they don't have the opportunity to experience "for women" spaces, they are at risk of becoming cultureless, and are more likely to attempt to assimilate into boy culture (whether it's a natural fit or not) and by boy culture, I'm talking about high levels of casual hookups, BDSM, glitter, butterfly wings and headpieces.
If people want mixed parties, then by all means have them, but I'm guessing they'll be male dominated.
More...
Wherever I go, Gay male culture is much bigger than girl on girl culture, and in small towns, where there isn't enough of a critical mass to enable Lesbian bars, mixed spaces are all there are.
In the small city where I live, there is one Gay bar, and on a weekend, it's about 65% gay men, 20% straight girls and 15% Lesbian or Bisexual women. That's what you get when you put on a mixed night in many places.
Just check out the rainbow press for any city in the world. If you're a woman looking for a place where women are, it's a very delicate sifting process you have to go through.
The only "balanced" pride events I've been to have been ones organised by and for women, but which ended up attracting about 50% boys.
I can confidently say that the segregation of men and women is far more beneficial for girl on girl culture than it is for Gay male culture, because otherwise girl on girl culture would be drowned out by boy culture, and they're very different.
When young women who are beginning to emerge into their Lesbian or Bisexual identities, if they don't have the opportunity to experience "for women" spaces, they are at risk of becoming cultureless, and are more likely to attempt to assimilate into boy culture (whether it's a natural fit or not) and by boy culture, I'm talking about high levels of casual hookups, BDSM, glitter, butterfly wings and headpieces.
If people want mixed parties, then by all means have them, but I'm guessing they'll be male dominated.
20
@4, Thiw queer boy is with you!! Too much drama and I'm too old to give a fuck about "Pride Controversy". I don't need no parade or festival to be proud.
21
.WARNING!
The Seattle Center has locked up all the electrical outlets that have been available for decades. At Gay Pride, make sure your phones, laptops, and electric wheelchairs are charged.
The Seattle Center has locked up all the electrical outlets that have been available for decades. At Gay Pride, make sure your phones, laptops, and electric wheelchairs are charged.
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