Slog Music

Music, Nightlife,
and Drinks

Friday, June 1, 2012

Kitten Adoption Center Should Be Shelved in Proposed Eastlake Development Project

Posted by on Fri, Jun 1, 2012 at 11:46 AM

Slog tipper Ryan spotted this new development sign posted in the Eastlake Neighborhood:

Click to enlarge!
  • Slog tipper Ryan
  • Click to enlarge

Here's a closer look at the proposed plan, if you can't read it in the above photo:

Click to enlarge.
  • Slog tipper Ryan
  • Click to enlarge, again.
Having sat through countless design meetings, I'd like to help the developers troubleshoot a few problems right off the bat. For instance, is the roof really the best place for a marshmallow fire pit?

And why do kittens get four times the floorspace of Dynamic Fort Construction? Kittens are tiny and they practically shit dander; many people are allergic. Wouldn't a succulent adoption center be more appropriate? And couldn't we then turn that center into more of a shelf—a succulent adoption shelf—and expand the Fort Construction?

And will the Pillow Pile Pavilion feature feather pillows or cotton? Because I guarantee that some people in Seattle—especially the ones with kitten allergies who spend their evenings attending public design meetings—are also allergic to feathers. And wheat/gluten. And pavilions. And heights. And fun.


Comments (31) RSS

Oldest First Unregistered On Registered On Add a comment
TVDinner 1
This is unfair to puppies and will make the neighbors sneeze! I demand a 5 year design review!
Posted by TVDinner http:// on June 1, 2012 at 11:48 AM · Report this
emor 2
I love this so much.
Posted by emor on June 1, 2012 at 11:52 AM · Report this
rob! 3
Not in MY back yard!!

(somebody hadda say it)
Posted by rob! on June 1, 2012 at 12:01 PM · Report this
ryanayr 4
Actually Cienna, if you review the design, the Dynamic Fort Construction area occupies the -2 subgrade, -1 subgrade, and grade floor levels, while kitten adoption occupies only the grade level, therefore the kitten adoption area is roughly comparable in area to the dynamic fort construction area.

Also I think succulents such as cactuses would be dangerous so close to the Zeppelin landing area, lest they puncture the Zeppelin skins. So, can we append that to "non-prickly succulent adoption shelf and hypoallergenic kitten adoption kitty pool"? I think there will be ample space for both.

Also, where are the fire exits? Remember the Hindenburg.
Posted by ryanayr on June 1, 2012 at 12:03 PM · Report this
Urgutha Forka 5
Well, you certainly can't locate the Marshmallow Fire Pit next to the Zeppelin Parking Spot. Oh the humanity!

Why not put the Marshmallow Pit and the Hot Chocolate Kiosk within arms reach of the Pillow Pavilion? Seems totally obvious, right? Where's their common sense?
Posted by Urgutha Forka on June 1, 2012 at 12:05 PM · Report this
So we can use the fountain for a lake, where do we find the burlap bags?

What happens when kittens are lobbed in the direction of the zeppelin parking?
Posted by Large Hardon Colluder on June 1, 2012 at 12:10 PM · Report this
Fnarf 7
It'll be filled with twenty-somethings changing each other's diapers in no time.
Posted by Fnarf on June 1, 2012 at 12:11 PM · Report this
Dougsf 8
This is amazing. Well done.
Posted by Dougsf on June 1, 2012 at 12:17 PM · Report this
blip 9
Blanket rental. Fucking genius.
Posted by blip on June 1, 2012 at 12:18 PM · Report this
Cienna Madrid 11
@4, you're right, how stupid of me. Of course I meant "non-prickly succulent adoption shelf." I like the your addition of a "hypoallergenic kitten adoption kitty pool," but maybe we could relocate that closer to the marshmallow fire pit as a safety precaution, given the lack of fire exits?

Speaking of safety, am I the only one who's a little distressed that there are no doors in this building?

Or is this a clever mock-up of those gay concentration camps that everyone was talking about last week? Because if so, it confirms my suspicion that they'd be pretty fucking rad (and great for property values in the area).
Posted by Cienna Madrid on June 1, 2012 at 12:18 PM · Report this
Cato the Younger Younger 10
I call for a public vote on this before we move futher. But only after the Seattle City Council has had the chance to have several public hearings. But if those don't go well we should petition Olympia and call a special session.
Posted by Cato the Younger Younger on June 1, 2012 at 12:18 PM · Report this
PTrig 12
The Marshmallow Fire Pit has to be on the roof. It cannot be placed inside.

I like the idea of a public vote on this. However, I think the vote should be whether or not a review panel should be developed to investigate the feasibility of the design.
Posted by PTrig on June 1, 2012 at 12:24 PM · Report this
Doors?!?! We dun need no stinkin doors
Posted by Large Hardon Colluder on June 1, 2012 at 12:26 PM · Report this
ryanayr 14
@11 - Actually, if you look a little closer at the map, there are two doors opening to the Zeppelin/rocket pack landing pad/kitten adoption area. I think it's implying you have to get in via rocket pack or zeppelin. A simple cost of admission.

But of course, it is a little distressing to see zeppelins landing in compounds without exterior exits. It is a little concentration-campy.
Posted by ryanayr on June 1, 2012 at 12:35 PM · Report this
"Couch Cushion Tunnel"?! Oh christ, just what we'll probably be a billion over budget...
Posted by Mr. Happy Sunshine on June 1, 2012 at 12:36 PM · Report this
Will in Seattle 16

Because kittens are cute.

You could stuff them in tube socks, but they mew and that would violate the noise laws.

The best solution obviously is to zipline the kittens in, using zeppelins and rocket packs only in emergencies, or for fast kitten snack hamster deliveries.
Posted by Will in Seattle on June 1, 2012 at 12:42 PM · Report this
stinkbug 17
Why is the 800 # blurred out?
Posted by stinkbug on June 1, 2012 at 12:49 PM · Report this
Cienna Madrid 18
@12, what if it was more of a fireplace than a fire pit? I think that would suit our needs much better.
Posted by Cienna Madrid on June 1, 2012 at 12:50 PM · Report this
ryanayr 19
@17 - Because the people who made it put the 800 number for a blanket and pillow online retailer on the design review sign. He was very confused when we called him.
Posted by ryanayr on June 1, 2012 at 12:56 PM · Report this
bedipped 20
The kitten adoption center is a preexisting structure that with much insulation, sealant and a filtered air-exchange system could house kittens without contaminating the surrounding area. Used NASA equipment can transport the kittens in and out of the adoption center. I'm concerned about the missing code-required Chihuly installation.
Posted by bedipped on June 1, 2012 at 1:09 PM · Report this
See also: Green Lake Ball Pit.…
Posted by aurora f on June 1, 2012 at 1:09 PM · Report this
Will in Seattle 22
@18 exactly,nice warm kittens.

What more could you ask for?
Posted by Will in Seattle on June 1, 2012 at 1:18 PM · Report this
I demand a matching pillowe fort with a puppy adoption center or at LEAST equal size!
Posted by jedifarfy on June 1, 2012 at 1:37 PM · Report this
Lilliable 24
Concentration camps certainly have come a long way since my grandfather's.
Posted by Lilliable on June 1, 2012 at 1:51 PM · Report this
Zebes 25
So much god damn government regulation. If you want to build a kitten adoption center, you should just be able to do it. All this RED (communist) TAPE is costing us AMERCIAN JOBS.
Posted by Zebes on June 1, 2012 at 2:02 PM · Report this
Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn 26
More parking.
Posted by Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn on June 1, 2012 at 2:15 PM · Report this
Will in Seattle 27
@20 I'm thinking Moon Walking Kittens right now ...

@25 why do you hate American Kittens so very much?
Posted by Will in Seattle on June 1, 2012 at 2:16 PM · Report this
Will in Seattle 28
@26 for the If It's Zoning We Need More Space For Cars win.
Posted by Will in Seattle on June 1, 2012 at 2:17 PM · Report this
Sir Vic 29
I can't wait for the Times editorial position on this, whatever it may be, so that Goldy can lose his shit about it.
Posted by Sir Vic on June 1, 2012 at 3:01 PM · Report this
I hate whimsy.
Posted by Drawboy on June 1, 2012 at 9:45 PM · Report this
Cienna, I will never forgive you for drowning Ms. Cuddlesworth's kitten babies!!!! I could have taken care of them just like I told you!!!!!!!!! I PROMISED!!!!!
Posted by scratchmaster joe on June 2, 2012 at 3:17 PM · Report this

Add a comment

Commenting on this item is available only to registered commenters.

All contents © Index Newspapers, LLC
1535 11th Ave (Third Floor), Seattle, WA 98122
Contact | Privacy Policy | Terms of Use | Takedown Policy