Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Garfunkel & Oates: 29/31

Posted by on Tue, May 29, 2012 at 8:26 AM


Comments (33) RSS

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1998 called. It wants its romcom back. Oh, and for you to stop leaving cumstains on its copy of Cosmo.
Posted by Prettybetsy on May 29, 2012 at 8:57 AM · Report this
@1: 1999 called. It wants its "[insert date here] called, it wants its '[insert date here] called, it wants its [blank] back' meme back."
Posted by Dan Savage on May 29, 2012 at 9:03 AM · Report this
Can we retire the G+O videos now? Please. I'm begging you. I'm sorry. I know I'm legally obligated to like them, but I just can't. This is aggressively unfunny.
Posted by Morosoph on May 29, 2012 at 9:04 AM · Report this
@3, the hint seems to be that they'll appear on the bill with Dan's live podcast coming up at the Neptune. It may not be your cup of tea or mine. But the audience is going to be full of folks where this is the kind of thing they like, so they're going to really, really like this.
Posted by gloomy gus on May 29, 2012 at 9:11 AM · Report this
nocutename 5
So are G&O the musical guests the Lovecast is going to get soon? Are they going to write a special "Savage Love" song?
Posted by nocutename on May 29, 2012 at 9:12 AM · Report this
Well, I thought it was hilarious!
Posted by Ptera on May 29, 2012 at 9:28 AM · Report this
man thats awkward
Posted by nhiufeg954 on May 29, 2012 at 9:30 AM · Report this
Puty 8
I laughed. Good song. I wonder how many e-mails Dan gets from these two people in a week.
Posted by Puty on May 29, 2012 at 9:45 AM · Report this
Mrs. Robinson 9
So far, I'm out voted. Oh, well. But, I loved it.
Posted by Mrs. Robinson on May 29, 2012 at 9:51 AM · Report this
zachd 10
Loved it. Especially liked the window vs door bit.

Also glad my mom (@9) liked it. O_o
Posted by zachd http://zachd.com on May 29, 2012 at 11:25 AM · Report this
blip 11
Do people actually freak out like that because they're still single in their 30s? I always thought that was just a cliche from romcoms and TV shows. Or is the joke supposed to be that it's a cliche from romcoms and TV shows?
Posted by blip on May 29, 2012 at 11:55 AM · Report this
biffp 12
@4, I'm guessing the price was right for Dan. Did the '99 meme say gay men are notoriously cheap? Chelsea in the '00s would definitely say otherwise.
Posted by biffp on May 29, 2012 at 11:57 AM · Report this
Sea Otter 13
Fuck this shit. It's lame and unfunny.

As if women need more "humor" that reinforces to us that we're damaged goods once we've passed the arbitrary age of 30.
Posted by Sea Otter on May 29, 2012 at 12:28 PM · Report this
Irena 14
Riki is awesome in this one. Love it!
Posted by Irena on May 29, 2012 at 12:41 PM · Report this
thecheesegirl 15
I found that incredibly grating. Also, I'm 24 and I've been married for two years now, and I'm pretty confident that even if we divorced at year 10 (or 20, or 30), I could find someone else without major freakout or spending thousands of dollars on therapy. And if your friends stop inviting you to parties because you don't have someone on your arm, then fuck them, they're jackasses.
Posted by thecheesegirl on May 29, 2012 at 12:47 PM · Report this
I normally like G & O, but this was an exception. Abrasive.
Posted by RedEye on May 29, 2012 at 12:59 PM · Report this
@1,3,13,16 fucking whaaa!
Posted by fixitman on May 29, 2012 at 1:09 PM · Report this
oh and @15 fucking whaaaaaaa!
Posted by fixitman on May 29, 2012 at 1:10 PM · Report this
Has anyone listened to the podcast yet? Yes G&O are the musical guests for the Savage Love Live event at the Neptune on June 13th. Yes tickets are now available through STG Presents.
Posted by SeattleKim on May 29, 2012 at 2:06 PM · Report this
Bauhaus I 20
They're getting better and better, aren't they? I can see performance finesse.
Posted by Bauhaus I on May 29, 2012 at 2:06 PM · Report this
I love G&O.... they are hilarious.
Posted by auntielarrie on May 29, 2012 at 2:18 PM · Report this
Supreme Ruler Of The Universe 22
Some time check out Patrice O'Neal's routine about men, women and expiration dates.
Posted by Supreme Ruler Of The Universe http://www.you-read-it-here-first.com on May 29, 2012 at 3:17 PM · Report this
Fnarf 23
Mrs. Fnarf was in her thirties when we were married. LET THAT BE A WARNING.
Posted by Fnarf http://www.facebook.com/fnarf on May 29, 2012 at 3:28 PM · Report this
biffp 24
The odd part about the video is her boobs better at 31 than at 29. Does she get a boob job at 30 or is she doing stretches and wearing better bras?
Posted by biffp on May 29, 2012 at 6:14 PM · Report this
@15 you sound just like 29.
Posted by AK on May 29, 2012 at 7:12 PM · Report this
Supreme Ruler Of The Universe 26

This theme seems a bit outdated.

Back in the days of Thirtysomething the whole biological clock, there are no single men rant for women was at its height.

However, Baby Bust demographics changed all that...Seattle being a particularly trying example.

So, here you have the 50 year old woman still walking around in a 3/4rd t-shirt with her belly flapping out, chatting on Facebook and calling everyone "Sir". Reason? Because of the complete unavailability of 25-45 year old females. Reason? Because today...she can...there are enough free males who line up to be in her datebook.
Posted by Supreme Ruler Of The Universe http://www.you-read-it-here-first.com on May 29, 2012 at 7:34 PM · Report this
I liked it. I mean, both 29 and 31 are idiots in their own way. Isn't that the point?
Posted by weatherwax on May 29, 2012 at 9:17 PM · Report this
Um, I thought it was one of their best yet.

It did not make me gag like The Rules or limp Cathy comics; it felt like a dark parody that has just enough truth to make it sting. The joke is not, haha, women over 30 are out of luck, old cows, spinsters, etc. The joke is, I am smart and cool and would never be one of those desperate losers - but fast-forward and...what the hell?!? I have become one of those women - I am freaked out about my biological clock!

I really related to this video because when I was in my twenties, I knew I would NEVER be so pathetic. But to my surprise and horror, after I passed 30, I found myself obsessing about my biological clock sometimes (even if I was totally embarrassed about it, and would not want anyone to know about these freak-outs).

I am currently 33, and I am pretty calm about finding love at any age if I were to find myself single (I have good genes - the women in my family tend to get hotter and smarter as they age, so I should be fine). But... I am getting increasingly nervous about being able to have children. I have found a wonderful, kind, smart, handsome partner, but we are nowhere close to being able to afford babies. Yet my window to easily make babies is closing...and I am getting a little panicky because I have always known that I really, really want kids, for a variety of reasons.

Sure, there are all kinds of artificial fertilization options...but if we do not have the dough to raise babies now, how are we suddenly going to be able to afford all the medical interventions in 5 or 10 years? I used to think, no big deal, I can always adopt, I would not care a bit about the race of the child...but since then I have heard horror stories from my gay friends and older friends about how ridiculously few adoptable children are out there to meet the demand nowadays, and how expensive and difficult it is to get a baby from overseas. So I am realizing that my chances of adopting are about as good as my chances of collecting Social Security benefits when I retire.

Therefore, there are days when I want to go back in time and shake my 20-something self by the shoulders, and yell at her to rent a cheaper place, stop eating out, and stop shopping anywhere but a thrift store - and maybe even to stay in that soul-killing job with the evil boss instead of moving to an amazing job with a smaller paycheck.
Posted by sweettreehugger on May 29, 2012 at 9:55 PM · Report this
I agree 28. I thought it was poking fun at both mindsets. That 29 was being arrogant and unrealistic while 31 was being depressive and self-centered.

Posted by msanonymous on May 30, 2012 at 4:03 AM · Report this
Canadian Nurse 30
@28 totally got it
Posted by Canadian Nurse on May 30, 2012 at 7:06 AM · Report this

Posted by Gigi99 on May 30, 2012 at 9:25 AM · Report this
blip 32
I have heard horror stories from my gay friends and older friends about how ridiculously few adoptable children are out there to meet the demand nowadays

There is an excess of loving homes for orphans. The horror.
Posted by blip on May 30, 2012 at 11:18 AM · Report this
I was going to chime in about Garfunkel and Oates and the economics of dating. Then I read 28. Talking seriously to her is much more important.


Have kids. Do it it now. Here is why:

1) There is never a time when kids are affordable. If you wait until you can afford it, you will never have kids.

2) Babies are not expensive. Your kids will give you a little time to ramp up your income before they become expensive. My first kid was at least four before I thought he had much of an effect on our finances. You have to buy formula and diapers and so on, but that's offset by not spending as much on adult entertainment. Preschool is the first serious expense. Before that the biggest thing is the cost of either one person not working to take care of the kid or hiring day care. That is a serious expense if both of you work, but see below:

Specific financial information you may be unaware of:

1) Pregnant women are eligible for medical insurance under the CHIP program. CHIP is a insurance program for low income children that is run by Medicaid but allows for coverage of higher income people than Medicaid. Pregnant women are covered under CHIP so that little fetuses and births can be covered as well as the kids themselves.

The way the program is structured I can tell you that you fall into one of three groups based on income;

1) Poor enough for Medicaid.
2) Too rich for Medicaid, but poor enough for CHiP. This includes most people who work but don't get insurance through work and don't make enough to just plop down money for the hospital.
3) Rich enough to have the baby despite not having insurance. If you make enough so that you would not qualify for CHiP, just suck it up and do it already. You'll be fine

Tax information. There is a reason babies are sometimes call "Daddy's little tax exemption." Go to IRS.gov and download this year's tax forms. Redo them, this time pretending that you have a child. If you used a computer program to do your taxes, just use that instead. You will be amazed.

Do you know about the thing called "Refundable tax credits?" That is when the government gives you a credit that dollar for dollar reduces the tax you owe. This is not an exemption that reduces the dollar figure that you compare to the chart to figure out your tax. A credit worth $1000 straight up reduces what you have to pay by $1000.

Did you notice the "refundable" part? That means that if you have reduced your tax owed to zero, but have not used up all the credit, you get the rest of the credit mailed to you as a check.

In addition to the something like $3900 (I am not looking at tax forms right now) that the new child will give you as an exemption (which will result in a reduction of about $585 of your tax bill) you will be eligible for two refundable tax credits. One, oddly enough, is called the Child Tax Credit (there is another that is important called the Additional Child Tax Credit, but it is really just the way they refund the Child Tax Credit). It is a refundable $1000 tax credit per child (after 2 kids it changes in some way).

The second tax credit is the EIC. EIC is the Earned Income Tax Credit. If you earn little enough, you may already be eligible for this as a childless couple. However, it is really intended to help people with kids. This tax credit could be worth multiple thousands of dollars in refundable tax credits depending on your income.

There is also a tax exemption (I don't think it is a credit, but it might be, I don't use it) for families who have to hire day care so both parents can work or go to school.

I hope you read this, or that someone else it will help does. If you want kids, go have them. The cost is not insurmountable, and if you are truly in a bind because of low income, the government has a lot of programs to help you out even if you don't think of yourself as the hardcore impoverished. Do the tax experiment. When your husband sees that you will get $4000 dollars back from the government as well as health insurance for you during pregnancy and health coverage for the kid, he will be convinced too.
Posted by Learned Hand on May 30, 2012 at 11:59 PM · Report this

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