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We're observing Slog silence from now until 11 a.m. while we have an editorial meeting, but look—we made an entire paper's worth of stuff for you! Here's what Carlotta Abernathy has to say.

A NOTE TO OUR READERS: Last week, The Stranger's public editor for more than a decade, A. Birch Steen, passed away unexpectedly. Along with a tremendous outpouring of cards, flowers, and supportive notes, The Stranger's offices have been deluged with applicants for the public editor position. For the next few weeks, we are publishing sample columns by several prospective replacements. This week's candidate is Carlotta Abernathy, an activist and mom.

Let me start by saying that what happened to A. Birch Steen is a great loss to our community, but that the Lord works in mysterious ways, and Mr. Steen has passed on to a place where he is needed more than here. We at the Concerned Moms of Seattle appreciated his valiant efforts to counteract the objectionable content of The Stranger and have been praying for guidance about whether to accept The Stranger's offer to fill in for him, based on our "independent, outside voice." In the Bible, it says you should "Read Unto the Sinner for to Know His Sins" (Dr. Bonner's Abridged Sunset New American West Zone 2 Bible Almanac), but as a Christian, I am not comfortable judging other people, and I wouldn't do it at all, except I was just appointed chairwoman of our group's Prayer Lair. This is where we identify an evil, study it, and pray it out of existence. Coincidentally, a few days ago, I caught my son, Newel, hunched over a copy of The Stranger. Though he denies that it has turned him gay, when caught, his deflating demon spike was clearly pointing at a column by DAN SAVAGE.

After sitting down with this week's Stranger and a glass (or two!) of merlot, it became apparent that these people look for reasons to be gay about everything. The article about bodybuilding grabbed my interest because it takes place in Bellevue, but this Bellevue is unrecognizable to all of us who have had the great fortune to raise our family in one of the most beautiful of His civic creations. The writing, by ABIGAIL GUAY, just gives lesbians who have not turned themselves over to the Lord a chance to swoon over the glistening pecs and masculine thighs on the women in KELLY O's photographs. It being a free country (praise Him!), I would have no problem with this material being published in a magazine with plastic wrapping over it, but it doesn't belong in boxes for free on the street where Newel or any other young person might be tempted to look at it.

If my predecessor had survived the Pulitzer shock, these photos would have provoked the kind of witty rebuke he was famous for, but as a Christian and a mom, I don't have the same sense of humor. I also don't have the stamina to read more than one "article." No matter what all these calendars say, I would strongly encourage you to consider spending your weekend at the Bellevue Family YMCA, the Grace Lutheran Church, or the Kelsey Creek Farm Park, where on Saturday there will be family-friendly pony rides and sheep shearing.