SL Letter of the Day: Monogamous Week, Day 5
by Dan Savage
on Fri, Apr 6, 2012 at 5:12 PM
I'm sure you'll be getting letters from monogamous couples that have been together for decades, but you look at relationships of all makes and ages, so why not share my story? I'm a 25 year old straight guy engaged to a 25 year old straight girl. We've been together for more than 5 years and have never cheated on each other as far as I know. (I trust her completely, but of course you can never be fully aware of someone else's life.)
While we've been monogamous, I feel confident saying that aspect of our love falls pretty low down the list of why we still work as a couple. I would list our senses of humor, friendship, mutual respect, and complimentary personalities as the main reasons we’ve been successful. We just get each other. When we first got together we were both pretty vanilla, and the concept of monogamy was just kind of a given—we wanted to date, so of course we would be monogamous. As time went by we explored sexual situations that were new to either one or both of us—handcuffs, blindfolds, role-playing, sex in public, and our most recent conquest, anal.
With our wedding date approaching, she asked me (after several glasses of wine) if I wanted the chance to sleep with another woman before getting married. I hadn’t given it much thought recently, but it bothers her that she slept with double the number of people that I had before we got together. I got over that minor detail in 2007. We have discussed the idea of threesomes before but we've never acted on them. I fantasize about being with her and another woman, she likes the idea of two men going to town on her. I honestly don’t expect a threesome offer to ever come our way, or come to much if one did, but I love the fact that it could. Still, monogamy has worked for us so far, but to paraphrase Prince, "[Marriage] means forever and that's a mighty long time." I feel relieved and inspired that as we move on to the next step, no door is closed and we’ll be able to discuss and explore our sexuality as it changes and matures.