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Friday, March 30, 2012

Film Mirror, Mirror: Even With Julia Roberts, You Could Do Worse

Posted by Megan Seling on Fri, Mar 30, 2012 at 2:23 PM

Mirror, Mirror is the familiar tale of Snow White, retold from the perspective of the evil queen who is played by Julia Roberts. You know, like how Wicked is The Wizard of Oz from the witch's perspective. And the upcoming Maleficent is Sleeping Beauty as seen through the wicked sorceress' eyes. Apparently Hollywood is running out of remakes so filmmakers are now going to redo every story from the villain's point of view. (I can't wait for Die Hard: Hans Gruber Gets Rich.)

Anyway!

Despite how the first sentence might've made you cringe, know this: Mirror Mirror isn't terrible. The sets and costumes are pretty magnificent, in fact (even if they do look like sweetened up versions of anything Tim Burton has ever done), and Julia Robert's is utterly unlikable as Snow White's horrific step-mother (as Julia Roberts should be, although I have no valid reason for disliking her as much as I do).

The film's heroine, Snow White, duh, is played by Lily Collins aka Phil Collins' daughter and she is super cute and Audrey Hepburn-y. In fact, apparently Maxim said she was one of the "Hottest Daughters of Rock Stars" (also, really, Maxim? That's a thing? Barf.) The prince is played by Armie Hammer who has very nice abs, and the updated "seven dwarfs" (the Baron, Renbock, Half-Pint, Grimm, Napoleon, Chuckles, and Wolf) are actually quite funny. Sometimes. At least in comparison to the rest of the characters who aren't really funny at all.

So if your tween daughter or sister or niece wants to see a movie with you this weekend (it's supposed to rain), this one would do just fine. You can hate Julia Roberts, your young, impressionable date can feel empowered by the fact that Snow White does some of the ass-kicking (and even reprimands history's misogynistic habits), and both of you will enjoy knowing you didn't waste your money on something truly awful like The Hunger Games. (Maybe. There's been debate on how good or bad it is.)

(Worth noting: According to imdb.com, Collins auditioned for Snow White in that OTHER Snow White re-make but lost the roll to a blank piece of cardboard named Kristen Stewart. Whoever made that call made a big mistake. Big. HUGE. Stewart has as much onscreen presence as a bag of Corn Nuts [original, not ranch].)

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Not that you need my validation but your crack about Die Hard was G.D. hilarious.

Posted by JF on March 30, 2012 at 2:30 PM

Armie Hammer?

Posted by paulus on March 30, 2012 at 2:41 PM

Fuck. Just watch Once Upon a Time and see Lana Parilla as a much more evil and frightening queen.

You hate Julia Roberts because she's Julia Roberts. That is, no matter what role she's in, you're always aware that she's being played by Julia Roberts.

Posted by seatackled on March 30, 2012 at 2:42 PM

I would watch "Die Hard: Hans Gruber Gets Rich," just to see more chewing of scenery by Alan Rickman.

Posted by palamedes on March 30, 2012 at 3:02 PM

Why ya gotta hate so much on K-Stew? It's not her fault Bella is possibly the worst movie or literary character ever to be conceived by womankind.

Posted by More, I Say! on March 30, 2012 at 3:14 PM

ugh.

I need to see this like Julia Roberts needs more teeth.

Posted by DeaconBlues

on March 30, 2012 at 3:23 PM

You hate Julia Roberts because she has too many teeth.

Posted by SchmuckyTheCat on March 30, 2012 at 3:33 PM

pretty woman reference + corn nuts comparison = best.

Posted by alithea on March 30, 2012 at 3:58 PM

Evil people have a perspective that might be different from the pure and righteous victim? What's next, the Nazi view of the war?

Posted by Sargon Bighorn on March 30, 2012 at 4:30 PM

I'd be much more interested if the story were twisted such that it turns out the stepmother is actually the good character and Snow White is dark and evil. Like in Neil Gaiman's creepy story, "Snow, Glass, Apples" - if they made a movie out of that I would totally watch it.

Posted by JenV on March 30, 2012 at 4:57 PM

@5:

Why ya gotta hate so much on K-Stew? It's not her fault Bella is possibly the worst movie or literary character ever to be conceived by womankind.

Have you seen her perform well in something? The only point of reference I have is the first Twilight movie, and regardless of the other merits or demerits of the movie and the role, her performance seemed quite bad to me. I inferred that everything else she does is terrible, perhaps unfairly. I'd be curious to see her deliver a good performance.

Posted by Mike on March 30, 2012 at 5:45 PM

In fact, apparently Maxim said she was one of the "Hottest Daughters of Rock Stars" (also, really, Maxim? That's a thing? Barf.)

/me checks Lily Collins' age

Sorry, she's fair game. And I kindly refer the author to Rule 34.

Posted by madcap on March 30, 2012 at 5:59 PM

A couple more over here who want to see 'Die Hard: Hans Gruber Gets Rich'...

Posted by Stacy in Austin on March 30, 2012 at 6:12 PM

It's okay, Megan, I hate horses for no reason, too.

Posted by MacCrocodile

on March 30, 2012 at 10:23 PM

@10 Oh god, that story gave me nightmares forever.

Posted by Sacrelicious on March 31, 2012 at 12:29 AM

I liked Sigourney Weaver as the wicked queen in the 1997 Snow White- creepy zombie baby and all... but yeah, the Neil Gaiman version of the story onscreen would be tits. They need to do that.

Posted by Mighty Kaytor