Maybe it gets better? I'll never know. The first 45 minutes are Schindler's List meets steampunk meets sleepy time. What with how much was spent on production design, they couldn't afford to hire anyone to write the dialogue, so you have to make do with lines that basically go, "I'm the stubborn one!" spoken by the girl who's supposed to be the stubborn one, and "I'm having another drink!" by the guy who drinks, and "My face is shaped like a jar of peanut butter!" by the young man whose sole attribute is that his face is shaped like a jar of peanut butter.

No, it's not fair to judge a movie I haven't seen all 47 hours of. And no, I haven't read the books. But after we put "The Hunger Games is actually good!" on the cover of The Stranger, I just felt like I had to voice my dissent. A friend who didn't walk out texted after it was over: "It's The Truman Show meets Lord of the Flies for over two hours!! There was not a single plot twist to be found on that long, long road. Every aspect of the movie unfolded exactly as you'd expect."

For what it's worth, Paul Constant completely disagrees.