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News & ArtsFriday, March 9, 2012
2012 Suck It, Santorum
Posted by Paul Constant on Fri, Mar 9, 2012 at 7:03 PM
The Romney campaign just announced that they have won all nine of Guam's delegates.
2
After years of neglect on the pages of Slog, this is the second reference in less than a month for Guam! Hooray for that former home of mine that I really didn't enjoy!!
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"Governor Romney reinvents himself for whatever the political occasion calls for. People may not like everything I believe in, people may not agree with everything I believe in, but they know that I believe in what I believe in."
All true. Problem is, the whole gamut from Mother Theresa to Hitler could say the same thing. Conviction isn't everything.
All true. Problem is, the whole gamut from Mother Theresa to Hitler could say the same thing. Conviction isn't everything.
7
So the GOP has primaries/caucuses in all 57 states too? I wonder if any of the candidates know about that number.
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After reading Buzzfeed this morning, I very much regret not writing the word "Guamney." I really dropped the ball on this one, and I apologize to you all.
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From the secret files of The Stranger staff:
{Frizelle opens Dan Savage's office door at The Stranger}
Frizelle: Hey Dan! That applicant, Constant, is here for the book editor interview!
Savage: Sorry, I'm really jammed right now. Could you have that new intern interview him?
Frizelle: You mean the new Gay Intern? But he's only been here one day?
Savage: That's fine, 'cause I'm really busy at the moment.
{Frizelle closes door while Dan returns to playing Iraqi Invasion on his laptop.}
Gay Intern: So, Paul, how many books have you read over the last five years?
{Paul takes off his eyeglasses and scrunches up his face in concentration.}
Constant: Hmmm...one..no, make that two books!
Gay Intern: {Thinking silently to himself: Umm...that is soooo amazing....he's actually read a book......I'm going to have to do that sometime....but tonight, I just have to check out that new bathhouse that opened last week.....Hmmmmmmmm...Oopsy, focus, I've still got to finish this interview.}
Gay Intern: Well, in that case, you're hired!
And thusly begins the tale of Paul Constant at The Stranger.
Next week, another story from the secret files of The Stranger staff.
THE PAUL CONSTANT JOB INTERVIEW
{Frizelle opens Dan Savage's office door at The Stranger}
Frizelle: Hey Dan! That applicant, Constant, is here for the book editor interview!
Savage: Sorry, I'm really jammed right now. Could you have that new intern interview him?
Frizelle: You mean the new Gay Intern? But he's only been here one day?
Savage: That's fine, 'cause I'm really busy at the moment.
{Frizelle closes door while Dan returns to playing Iraqi Invasion on his laptop.}
Gay Intern: So, Paul, how many books have you read over the last five years?
{Paul takes off his eyeglasses and scrunches up his face in concentration.}
Constant: Hmmm...one..no, make that two books!
Gay Intern: {Thinking silently to himself: Umm...that is soooo amazing....he's actually read a book......I'm going to have to do that sometime....but tonight, I just have to check out that new bathhouse that opened last week.....Hmmmmmmmm...Oopsy, focus, I've still got to finish this interview.}
Gay Intern: Well, in that case, you're hired!
And thusly begins the tale of Paul Constant at The Stranger.
Next week, another story from the secret files of The Stranger staff.
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