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News & ArtsFriday, February 24, 2012
Film Please Don't Go See Act of Valor
Posted by Paul Constant on Fri, Feb 24, 2012 at 9:25 PM
In the not-so-proud history of jingoistic, military-thumping cinema—from Triumph of the Will to The Green Berets—Act of Valor stands alone for its sheer bumbling ineptitude. The film’s only selling point is that it stars nameless active-duty Navy SEALs, and though these men are obviously physically impressive (in the course of the film’s nearly two hour runtime, they swim, they run, they sneak, and they apparently can’t have a bowel movement without being dropped out of a plane first), they are not actors. They’re pieces of meat who trip over their tongues whenever emotion is supposed to fall out of their mouths. Compared to Act of Valor, The Expendables looks like The Godfather.
But picking on untrained actors for not acting well feels cruel, even if they could murder me effortlessly. Act of Valor is a very violent movie, but because it was made with the cooperation of the Navy, it is correctly violent, with its “correctness” determined by the U.S. government. The bad guys die swiftly, with a flower of blood blossoming on the walls behind them just before they fall, painlessly, to the ground. No innocents are harmed. Everything is strategic and perfect and idealized, with the notable and unfortunate exception of the film-making. The real problem here is in the craftsmanship of directors Mike McCoy and Scott Waugh, and the terrible script by Kurt Johnstad.
Never mind that the good guys aren’t even written to have personalities (the black Navy SEAL’s sole personality trait, for instance, is that he has gold teeth). The bad guys are a multicultural assembly of evil, kind of a Down with People. We have suicide-bombing Filipina Muslims led by a white Muslim who may as well be a Soviet scenery-gnasher from a 1970s James Bond movie (only his violence is of course on steroids, for this ramped-up, War on Terror era; in the beginning of the film, he blows up an ice cream truck, surrounded by a bunch of children, because he is eeeeevil). The malevolent non-Arab Muslims are assisted by a greasy Jewish drug-runner (who informs the SEALs, when he is captured, that the bad guys are planning something that will “make 9/11 look like a walk in the park!”) and Mexican drug lords who help undocumented Mexicans get inside the United States.
Of course, the SEALs win. But of course the most likable one—which is to say, the one with a baby on the way back at home—dies by throwing himself on an enemy’s grenade. Um, spoiler alert. But still, Act of Valor will probably work as a recruitment tool; it’s going to convince a lot of mallrats to try out for the SEALs. Families of soldiers, too, will find comfort in the idea of our boys over there as an incredibly confident team of perfectionists. But the only people who will find any pleasure in this movie, who will cheer at every death and weep during the credits when the names of dead SEALs are paraded across the screen for one final hurrah, are the America First crowd, the red white and blue teabaggers who despise shades of grey, and who love seeing brown people of all types—Muslims, “illegals,” or just all-purpose furners, get massacred by perfect examples of mostly white America in their name.
1
And SIFF promoted this with the offer of a free screening a few weeks ago.
Shame on you, SIFF. You'd better run this year's festival an extra week to make up for it.
Shame on you, SIFF. You'd better run this year's festival an extra week to make up for it.
2
Liberal media bias against America just hates freedom don't know what true patriotism looks like should be nominated for best picture if you love your country and if not go back to Europe stupid just what Stalin would have said why do you hate eagles
3
Another piece of military-industrial-complex propaganda aimed at those who think true patriotism involves supporting whatever vile action our corporate/banking-controlled government perpetrates against anyone who stands in the way of their New World Order. Whew! That was a mouthful.
4
Whatever. Freedom hating liberals have no sense of humor.
Are there any good drinking game rules for this movie yet?
Are there any good drinking game rules for this movie yet?
7
Even the trailer is a better recruiting tool than any ad the Navy has produced in a decade or more. This film is the most obvious piece of propaganda I've seen in 30 years. Or, rather, not seen, since I have no intentions of going to this.
8
This is news?
Hollywood has been producing shit for a long time. This film seems no different than the usual dreck they wheel out on a regular basis.
I guess they got something right though since they got your attention on something that deserves none.
This disappoints me Paul. Why are you bothering with this typical Hollywood throwaway nonsense and treating it like it actually means something?
Hollywood has been producing shit for a long time. This film seems no different than the usual dreck they wheel out on a regular basis.
I guess they got something right though since they got your attention on something that deserves none.
This disappoints me Paul. Why are you bothering with this typical Hollywood throwaway nonsense and treating it like it actually means something?
10
Here's my new pet peeve in movies (besides jingoism...oo, nasty).
Bearer bonds.
Bearer bonds are the Pecunia ex deus of movies involving capers, crimes, kidnappings, extortion and host of other plot devices that somehow require large amounts of money to not only fit into Kevlar vests, but also to be untraceable (as in The Panic Room which I just finished watching)...so movies with incredibly convoluted plots can somehow not unravel at the end ("yeah, but what happens when they spend it").
Fortunately bearer bonds were for all practical purposes outlawed in 1982 and the existing ones all expire by 2013. Even now, only a few places will cash them, so good luck masterminds getting in and out.
Along with the ubiquitous presence of cell phones, the elimination of bearer bonds may cause Hollywood to actually employ creativity for the action-thrillers of the 10s.
11
@10 so diamonds then? Really easy to sell at an ok cost on the black market, 99% of them are completely untracable, they weigh next to nothing and there are allot of forgiving buyers for them that will keep you anonymous.
13
So...you're saying Top Gun was a better recruiting tool for the US military? 'Cause I wanted to join the Navy after the volleyball scene!!!
14
#11
My one experience with diamonds is that they are a one way buying process. You can never resell them at anything near what you buy them for from a "licensed" juror because the price is set by and demand is controlled by the industry.
Also above a certain caliber or price they are just as much registered with paperwork identifying the cut and characteristics and I imagine they can be tracked as cash.
My one experience with diamonds is that they are a one way buying process. You can never resell them at anything near what you buy them for from a "licensed" juror because the price is set by and demand is controlled by the industry.
Also above a certain caliber or price they are just as much registered with paperwork identifying the cut and characteristics and I imagine they can be tracked as cash.
15
Jeez, Paul, could you try any harder to get me into the theater?
Do you think I'm going to let this impressive pile of drugs just go to waste?
Do you think I'm going to let this impressive pile of drugs just go to waste?
16
Curious, the ads say something like "filmed with real bullets and real guns and real explosions and stuff, Fuck Yeah!"
So I assumed it was a pro-US documentary, sort of the opposite of any number of docs that came out recently, such as Restrepo.
But there's actually a plot? Is it fictional then? Did they splice footage of real soldiers killin' people into staged scenes filmed to follow some fictional plot? How is this film made, I must know!
So I assumed it was a pro-US documentary, sort of the opposite of any number of docs that came out recently, such as Restrepo.
But there's actually a plot? Is it fictional then? Did they splice footage of real soldiers killin' people into staged scenes filmed to follow some fictional plot? How is this film made, I must know!
17
@16
NPR had a review, which was gentler than this one--I think their main criticism was that these guys couldn't act. Anyway, I think they reported "real ammo" part was when they filmed scenes of the seals training.
NPR had a review, which was gentler than this one--I think their main criticism was that these guys couldn't act. Anyway, I think they reported "real ammo" part was when they filmed scenes of the seals training.
19
Why do I have a funny feeling that this post will get more people into the theater to watch it than it will keep away?
Me, I'll wait til it comes out on DVD.
Me, I'll wait til it comes out on DVD.
21
Sometimes it is like the proverbial train wreck and you simply can't look away. The trailers for this film clearly play to a certain audience type. But someone has to see it in order to write a witty derisive review. And it provides the opportunity for people to recall their favorite action movie memes (see 10) which provide additional points of amusement.
22
Loved the Onion A.V. headline for their review: "Casting real-life Navy SEALS as actors goes about as well as if the opposite had happened. "
Says it all.
Says it all.
24
The could be a review for The Hurt Locker.
Most recent "military" movies that take home all those golden statues ARE EXACTLY military propaganda. The United States armed forces is another form of government welfare that incubates homophobia, racism, and sexism.
But hey, we gotta protect our freedoms from all those brown people right?! RIGHT!??!!
Most recent "military" movies that take home all those golden statues ARE EXACTLY military propaganda. The United States armed forces is another form of government welfare that incubates homophobia, racism, and sexism.
But hey, we gotta protect our freedoms from all those brown people right?! RIGHT!??!!
26
I've actually seen this movie. Really. I had to watch it for technical/work related reasons, but I was hoping to at least be entertained in the process. I'm considering quitting my job over it.
It. is. that. bad.
Seriously. It's awful, and I don't mind an action movie or a propaganda movie, or even witnessing the occasional trainwreck of a movie. This one? Just bad. Don't even bother seeing it for the curiosity factor. It's just annoyingly bad. It's like watching someone else play a video game at full volume while you have the worst hangover of your life.
Please don't misinterpret this as a dare to see this movie, I'm completely serious that this movie is so bad that it shouldn't even be allowed to come out on DVD.
It. is. that. bad.
Seriously. It's awful, and I don't mind an action movie or a propaganda movie, or even witnessing the occasional trainwreck of a movie. This one? Just bad. Don't even bother seeing it for the curiosity factor. It's just annoyingly bad. It's like watching someone else play a video game at full volume while you have the worst hangover of your life.
Please don't misinterpret this as a dare to see this movie, I'm completely serious that this movie is so bad that it shouldn't even be allowed to come out on DVD.
27
This is kind of a bigoted article. Liberal people can't support the members of the military? I have many friends that are in the army and marines, and I support them.
I also vote democrat.
I also vote democrat.
28
with out the seals , no doubt thousands more american's would be dead today than there are right now . osama would still be alive and well in pakistan organizing terrorist attacks . and pussy little pukes like you would be in danger like you wouldn't believe . if you really don't like the country you live in , or the way it work's GET THE FUCK OUT ! another fact here , brown bastards all over the world do just exactly the kind of shit you described happening in this movie ,. deal with it dumb fuck .
30
Hey, remember when Constant and Frizzelle joined the chorus of a bunch of other ignorami and cheered the death of another human being--in the process showing how far superior Americans are to any brown folks who might cheer our deaths?
IOKIYAO.
IOKIYAO.
31
@all the military fanboys, This isn't about the military. It's about a movie portraying the military in such a stupid way that it's unwatchable. Compare this movie to something like Blackhawk Down. It's still a good action movie, it has decent acting, it has a point, and a lot of the "brown people" get killed without anyone really giving a shit.
Act of Valor is just stupid. There's nothing there beyond the shooting, so why not just play a video game instead?
Beyond the movie, it's unpatriotic to have blind faith in any aspect of the government. It's our duty as citizens to hold our leaders and our military to constant scrutiny. Remember that we are a country founded on the ideal of the citizens being in charge. When the military does well, then they get our respect. When they fuck up we should hold them to account for it. Any less is undemocratic.
Act of Valor is just stupid. There's nothing there beyond the shooting, so why not just play a video game instead?
Beyond the movie, it's unpatriotic to have blind faith in any aspect of the government. It's our duty as citizens to hold our leaders and our military to constant scrutiny. Remember that we are a country founded on the ideal of the citizens being in charge. When the military does well, then they get our respect. When they fuck up we should hold them to account for it. Any less is undemocratic.
32
Freedom isn't free
No there's a hefty fuckin' fee
And if you don't throw in your Twelve Fifty,
Who will?
No there's a hefty fuckin' fee
And if you don't throw in your Twelve Fifty,
Who will?
33
God knows I'm not a military fanboi—in fact, I went out of my way to dodge the draft during the Vietnam war. But there's just something so "special" about The Paultard's knee-jerk reaction to this that makes me want to see it. Or kick him in the nuts. Or both.
34
@28 Please show me some evidence that says without Navy SEALs we would all be doomed. After your tea of course.
35
I have nothing against the military. I am in fact a veteran. I served 8 years. That does not require me to uncritically love every movie featuring military characters ever made. There have been great military-themed movies in the past. This isn't one. Even the trailer looks bad. It is nothing more than a jingoistic 100 minute recruiting film, and a poorly done one at that.
36
I don't see how this is different than any other action movie, other than the acting is not up to the same standard. And of course the enemy is brown, that who our main enemy is right now. Which is why in the 80s and early 90s you had a bunch of action movies where the Russians were the enemies? What color are Russians again?
37
There was a military funeral up on Greenwood today. Folded flag triangle on the coffin in the back of the hearse. Made me sad for pointless wars, and pointless wars to come.
41
If Atlas Shrugged had made money, it would have proven one, you don't need actors, and two, the kind of tools who like this shit can carry a film at the box office. Which would have made Acts of Valor a good bet.
But since we all knew that not hiring actors is a huge mistake and there are not enough drooling apes to fill theaters, why the hell did they make this thing?
But since we all knew that not hiring actors is a huge mistake and there are not enough drooling apes to fill theaters, why the hell did they make this thing?
43
@28,
Punctuation marks go immediately after the last character they follow. Commas too. Like this, for example. Exclamation points! Precious few exceptions, really. Deal with it, dumb fuck.
Punctuation marks go immediately after the last character they follow. Commas too. Like this, for example. Exclamation points! Precious few exceptions, really. Deal with it, dumb fuck.
44
43 like i give a fuck , your lucky i even bother . tea ? fuck the tea party , dem's , lib's , commie's , and the what ever's i just dont give a shit . they all suck donkey ass . as long as obamas gone i couldn't give a fuck less , besides the elections over before they even get to washington state . like our votes mean any thing anyway .
45
@44, the thing is, you appear here as you write here, and by your completely illiterate and frankly stupid writings you appear to be illiterate and stupid. You write like someone who's never seen a keyboard before; so why should anyone be interested in what you have to say?
If you are paralyzed and write these comments with your toes, I apologize.
If you are paralyzed and write these comments with your toes, I apologize.
46
Fnarf assumes @44 is white and therefore bound to a standard.
Culturally insensitive much, Fnarf?
Culturally insensitive much, Fnarf?
47
@ 44 -
You type exactly like my racist grandfather speaks after too much Geritol and Wild Turkey. Which is to say, awesome.
You type exactly like my racist grandfather speaks after too much Geritol and Wild Turkey. Which is to say, awesome.
48
The biggest grift ever pulled on anybody is convincing them that going to war is cool.
We took a single isolated attack, and used it as an excuse to ruin millions of innocent people's lives and end hundreds of thousands more. That's the kind of behavior that earns movie villains a long slow-motion fall from a tall building or flying aircraft.
I have no interest in watching a movie about a villain's deluded lackeys fighting another villain's deluded lackeys.
Thanks for the review though.
We took a single isolated attack, and used it as an excuse to ruin millions of innocent people's lives and end hundreds of thousands more. That's the kind of behavior that earns movie villains a long slow-motion fall from a tall building or flying aircraft.
I have no interest in watching a movie about a villain's deluded lackeys fighting another villain's deluded lackeys.
Thanks for the review though.
52
Act of Valor started out as a short that was supposed to be used as a recruitment tool for the SEALS. Not sure how it ended up being a feature length film.. Anyway the plot/story is just a means to and end kinda like the plot/story of a typical porno. People typically watch porn for the sex scenes and don't really care about the underlying story. Act of Valor is supposed to be a way of showing SEALS being badasses...the underlying story is irrelevant. The SEALS are trying to boost the number of minorities in their ranks so I was kinda surprised the Black and Latino SEALS didn't have more prominent roles in the underlying story.
53
most A-grade military movies will be filmed (in part) on military bases with military personnel. hamburger hill, platoon and oodles and boodles more as its a relation.
Even the Horror classic "Alien" had the actors on military bases picking up military personality's and culture. The android the Marines the Company that wanted to exploit the Aliens were all twists of the American war machine as a whole.
one of the best War movies and one of the best Horror movies Alien proves that research and details and imagination are far better tools than budget and product placement and star power when it comes to film.
Even the Horror classic "Alien" had the actors on military bases picking up military personality's and culture. The android the Marines the Company that wanted to exploit the Aliens were all twists of the American war machine as a whole.
one of the best War movies and one of the best Horror movies Alien proves that research and details and imagination are far better tools than budget and product placement and star power when it comes to film.
54
If I'm going to watch pornography I prefer it to have fucking.
No way was The Hurt Locker pro-military propaganda. If The Hurt Locker made you WANT to join the military you are a terrifying person.
No way was The Hurt Locker pro-military propaganda. If The Hurt Locker made you WANT to join the military you are a terrifying person.
56
I don't understand why they are portraying Pilipino people as terrorist . Philippines is a Christian nation that hold Israel and American dear to their heart. This is somewhat offensive.
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